What challenges do aunts go through with a niece/nephew?

17 comments

1. If your sibling doesn’t treat you with respect, their children may start to disrespect you as well. I’ve wanted to slap my nephew for years now.

2. Trying not to play favorites.

   Also not trying to undermine your siblings parenting techniques.

3. The kid’s parents have the final say. If they don’t want to, say, vaccinate for Covid, there’s not much Auntie can do but try to convince them to change their minds.

   Same thing with parenting. You may think a sibling or sibling-in-law’s parenting is awful, but unless there’s legit abuse or neglect *and* you have a good lawyer, all you can do is be as good to those kids as you can.

4. When I’m with my two niblings, watching how the rest of the family interacts with them, it makes me crazy. It’s like we’re setting these poor kids up for hyperactivity and teeny-tiny attention spans because everyone is constantly trying to get one of the kids’ attention, to the point that they’re talking over one another. I can’t stand it.

   (Also, I like one of the two WAY better than the other one and I can’t tell if it’s because the one I like just has a cooler personality or the other one is spoiled as all fuck.)

5. Idk how universal this experience is, but sometimes I think people just expect you to be naturally good taking care of kids because you’re the “aunt” and apparently that’s something society expects all women to be naturals at it.

   My brother just assumes that I know how to handle taking care of his kids, despite me not having any children of my own, lol.

6. Their expectations of my presence. I’m a busy person. I have my own kid too. And in my family it seems my time with their kid is more valuable then their time with mine. And as one nephew gets older. How to handle the disagreements between him and his mother. Especially when I side with him

7. That as much as you love them, you have no say on how they are raise. That like a parent you have to watch them make mistakes so they can learn. That at some point they will grow up and be too busy to come and visit. And that you know that some of their more important interest were because of you, but they don’t remember. Knowing that they don’t need you the same they did when they were little.
   I have 3 nephews, 24, 20 and 15, I am 49. Love them like they were my own kids. Proud of all 3.

8. Being seen as a bottomless purse, unless that’s just my family. I’m single, childfree and have a decent disposable income. I’ve been bankrolling my sister for years, there was a lot of ‘it’s such a shame we can’t afford summer club for the children, they’d really enjoy seeing their friends…’ I’ve toughened up a lot in recent years though. I love them, and they’ll end up inheriting it, but at the moment, I’m semi retired and there’s a lot I want to do with my life yet.

9. My brother is about to have a child and I really do hope he doesn’t adopt our mother’s parenting style, him and his girlfriend are so nice but I still worry about it.

   Our mother only had kids to have control, we both have cut her off, well I have and he did but I think he is talking to her again…

10. It’s hard to not interfere when you feel a different way than your sibling.

    My sister is a single mom. My nephew, I’m sure was pressured to lie to his counselor about his home life. My nephew just doesn’t lie. Anyways, I think he was questioned so much by this counselor, he finally told her what she wanted to hear. He lied and said he had a little brother and that he sees his dad on the weekends.

    His dad left him and my sister while my sister was pregnant. He has half siblings but he doesn’t not know them. My sister went crazy and yelled at him. She asked why he had lied. I told her it’s not like him to lie and I felt he counselor pressured him to give an answer he felt she wanted. Later that day, my nephew confided in me that he was upset that his mom kept going on trips. She had a guy she was dating and would fly out Friday-Monday to go on trips w him. My sister went from homebody to being out of the house most nights. My nephew had a hard time adjusting to that.

    Well later that day, we were at my house and she laid into him. Telling him he didn’t want a dad, that no one wants him, that she has to work hard for him to be ungrateful. My fiancé and I were so appalled but who were we to tell her what to do with her child?

    I did let her know later on I felt she was far too intense. However, she felt justified with her response. It was hard to see her tear down my nephew. He is seven and it’s just painful. Of course he knows he’s loved and wanted by other family members but it can’t feel good to have your mom treat you that way.

    Anyways, that’s the hard thing about being an aunt or uncle. Not your kid, you don’t have a say.

11. Lately it’s been “you’re the aunt of my kids so you should be obsessed with them!!!” I was with the first five, so give me a break Susan

12. MY biggest challenge was not getting in the way of how my sister raised her son. She is younger than me and there were times I thought she wasn’t doing a good job…it was hard because the kid had no limits which made my “job” harder when I had to take care of him. But he’s the cutest!

13. happy cake day !

14. This might just be specific to my situation, but my older brother has two kids that I love so much, I always go visit and do things with them, have sleepovers so their parents get a break, etc. But I know for a fact that when/if I have a kid mine won’t get the same attention I give his.

    Also, my sil has a habit of snide little comments that I don’t think she intends to be snide, but it’s like she judges me for choices I make when I’m 100% responsible for the kids.

15. My nephew once asked me why I always spent the night at his grandad’s house when I’d come into town. He also asked why I have a bedroom at his grandad’s house but his mom (my step sister) didn’t. I realized then that he didn’t understand that his granddaddy was my father lol. He was 4 at the time. That was really the only difficulty I’ve experienced.

16. If you don’t have kids of your own, the kids will be dropped off, handed off to you randomly with the expectation you take care of them.

17. I live 4 hours away from my nephew. He just turned one. I worry that I miss out on a lot and we wont connect once he is older since he won’t know me as well.