A person(80T) in my(21F) life is at the end of their ropes and there’s no telling when they’ll be gone. I’m biologically related to them and while not being my parent, raised me my entire life. They’re a textbook narcissist and what’s effected me the most from them is their need to seek and start drama, emotional and verbal abuse towards me then immediately turning around to comfort me, and their undelet with trauma and unwillingness to get help. I have very mixed emotions right now. I love them as a family member but I don’t love them as a person and it feels wrong. I don’t think I’m mourning them, but a life lost and the hell that comes with their death. I feel pity for them but at the same time I don’t, because I don’t know if this is just another one of them twisting the doctors words and making it sound worse than it is. They’ve done a lot to harm me, but they’ve done a lot that’s helped me. I’ve had good times with them but the bad has been really outweighing the good.
TL;DR I’m looking for advice on mourning and getting these feelings straight from anyone else who can relate to this, Any end of the life things to do/say, along with any advice on how to handle the passing.
2 comments
There is no way to make this easy, but I can tell you two things that might help. First of all, it has been shown that mourning a difficult relationship is harder than mourning a good one. While the loss of someone wonderful in your life hurts a whole lot, humans are adapted to mourn and grieve and get through it, and a healthy relationship tends to go through a healthy grief process and then people treasure those memories, and it never fully stops hurting, but it is a simpler process. With a difficult relationship, the more mixed emotions make it harder, which is exactly what you describe. While you are already feeling this, sometimes people feel a bit better knowing that what they are going through is normal.
Second, let yourself feel whatever you feel. Let it change as it changes. Maybe often and quickly, back and forth in that swirl of mixed emotions. You can accept all of the mixed feelings as part of your response. There is no right or wrong way to feel. And, in time, it will get easier. Time is the only thing that truly helps with grief.
This is your grandma? Your grandma raised you and you’re having some discomfort with them?