I need advice. My(25F) bf (32M) of 6 years have been really struggling lately. He recently lost his mother back in October due to natural causes. She lived states away and we dropped everything that day to travel there immediately with his brother so they could make arrangements.
Personally, I never cared for his mother. She abused him as a child, allowed him to be abused by his step-dad, and due to Child services stepping in, ultimately resulted in his eldest brother being in a situation leading to his death at a very young age(back in the 90’s). His mother was on/off multiple types of drugs, and constantly gaslighted him, even up until her passing. They constantly fought and he would block/unblock her all the time. But they did talk every day when she was unblocked. She messaged me all the time complaining about him and I ended up blocking her after I told her to grow up and deal with him like an adult and that I was not going to allow her toxicity in my life, probably around a year or so ago.
Shortly thereafter, his dad got hooked on meth. We were renting a house from him at the time, on the same property as the mobile home his dad was living in. Things got really bad really fast and have only continued to get worse and we ended up moving on Christmas Day to a different but beautiful house just down the round. Thankfully it’s off the main road and we are not easily found.
However, once she passed, he has fallen into a really deep depression and has not allowed himself to grieve. He blames me for his lack of relationship with his mother. He resents me and the fact that I’m able to talk to my parents every day. We’ve fought several times, once resulting in me staying the night with a friend to allow us time to cool off. I found him a counselor that he connected with in a consultation call but he never followed through with any sessions. Most recently was yesterday and he was seriously considering breaking things off with me and I was able to calm him down and not make me leave, but I feel like things are really fragile. Idk if I should just leave, or continue to walk on egg shells to try to support him more or what. Idk what to do.
TL;DR: Grieving boyfriend seems to be pushing me away and I’m not sure if I should stay or go.
2 comments
I’d 110% take a break. I question the foundation of someone’s emotional health and their psychological constitution if they blamed me for their distance.
He is a grown adult and everything is his responsibility. I would lose trust and faith in him.
He’s likely blaming you because he’s still unable to blame his mother for their bad relationship. That’s not likely to get better if he refuses counselling. Take a break and tell him why you’re taking the break. You’re not safe there.