I’ve been dating this really awesome girl for the past 7 months. I really love her.
Before we started dating, she had been talking to a guy that she said is a good friend. They met through matching on tinder, yet they have never met up in real life. They are like online pen pals, but I think my GF texts him more than me. All through snapchat.
Before my GF and I were dating, we always were hanging out, and I knew about him. She said he’s a good friend and claims that they both don’t want anything sexual or want to be anything more than friends.
Sometimes when we hang out my GF is just on her phone with me next to her. Sometimes she’s watching TikTok and I’m watching over her shoulder, and she’s fine with that. I noticed one of these times before we started dating that she had said “I love you” over snapchat to this guy. I hadn’t paid any attention to this as we weren’t dating yet, but I kept it in the back of my mind for the future.
Yesterday my GF and I were hanging out and she was on her phone again, and I noticed she had said “I love you” to this guy again, and he said it back. Kinda makes me feel odd, since if I were to send that to another “friend” I met on tinder my GF would freak out.
It feels weird that she has a guy friend that she matched with on tinder, yet has never met in real life, and still says “I love you” to him.
I feel like I am in an odd spot. I have not confronted my GF about him, other than asking how he’s doing. Anyone have any advice for me? Food for thought?
Throwaway account.
16 comments
Simply ask her directly.
We can go here and give you a thousand different conspiracies and it will help you not one step further
I say i love you to my best friend too from time to time. Not as often but hey. Its platonic.
She doesn’t know who he is.
“Never met IRL = Married, balding 50 year old guy with 3 kids”. Happened to a woman I used to work with.
Nope
I’ve said that to my friends, and I’ve had equally deep and meaningful online friendships. I think so long as she hasn’t given you any other reasons not to trust her, you should let it go and move on
That would be a no from me, I’d want to have a chat about boundaries with my GF if I were you. Matching over Tinder and talking through Snapchat are red flags imo.
I tell my friends I love them all the time. If you’ve talked me through some bad shit and I’ve done the same for you, I probably love you.
You may argue that “i love you” is a red flag, and that she found this friend on tinder is another red flag, but it is perfectly possible that they are really just platonic friends.
However, emotional cheating is a thing and, even if they never met in person, this can be considered cheating. So far, I can’t say you have material evidence, but her behavior MAY indicate in this direction. Do you feel that she texts this guy more than talks to you? Do you feel neglected?
You can always define boundaries and negotiate with her. You must communicate this kind of feeling with her to make her aware that her relationship is making you uncomfortable, and sort out an agreement (or not).
There are different kinds of love, it may well be a deep love between friends. Just ask simply, “I noticed that you two told each other I love you’s should I be worried?” Do it with a smile and lighthearted attitude like it’s funny.
How does her boyfriend feel about your relationship with her?
>Kinda makes me feel odd, since if I were to send that to another “friend” I met on tinder my GF would freak out.
This is the main problem. Double standards are bullshit.
It’s one thing to say “i love you” to a friend you met on tinder and never met IRL at all.
It’s another to say it after getting a boyfriend and being in a relationship for 7 months.
This would be a red flag on her part even if she were single tbh. Her head space is out of wack.
The fact that they met through tinder is a huge hell no
You’re not crazy. That would bother me to
Yes this one is easy. Say this:
“hey babe, I don’t feel comfortable with you talking to and texting guys you matched with on tinder, and telling them you love them. It’s not normal and it’s a dealbreaker for me. Either you stop this kind of behavior or we are done”.
Emotional cheating
When walking under doors watch out not to knock your horns lol.