Why do I always feel like I’m missing out on things??

Maybe this doesn’t make sense to anyone but me, but I always tried so hard to have “normal” people around me, and have different people around me that are not all like me. In hindsight I can’t even say why. I think maybe it’s because I find so many people so interesting. I like getting to know people, learning how they think, etc.

But I am the absolute worst at socialising and have social anxiety. So it usually became me hanging out with groups of people, but never saying a word and just listening. So I could get to know them, but wouldn’t have to “expose” myself in any way.

But this also made me feel so, so lonely and after stubbornly sticking to this way during puberty and some of my twenties, because I didn’t want to lose these chances of getting to know many people, I finally started concentrating on making friends based on common interests, (mainly through fandoms on social media, and then going to things with those friends). I am so deep in fandom stuff now xD And that actually feels good in a completely different way. Like, sometimes I actually feel understood lol, and it blows my mind how comfortable I can actually feel around them. It’s definitely so good for my confidence.

But somehow it still really bothers me that I don’t have that diversity in my friend groups now. Like, I don’t know why I’m so obsessed with that, but I feel like I need to listen to the opinions of like 10 people daily, and just hear what’s going on in their lives. Otherwise I always feel like I’m missing out on something. I think that’s really not a common problem to have, is it? I don’t know why I’m like that. 😭 Does anyone know?

(If no one replies to this, it still helped me typing this out lol)