If you have major mood swings during your cycle, how and what is the best way for your partner to support you?

9 comments

  5. Don’t expect him to do anything specifically as it’s my “responsibility”, if you could call it that…..

    I try not to be snappy but after nearly 15 years, he has perfected things not to say.

    Everyone who is unfortunate enough to have PMS has things that will make the experience so much worse. For me, it’s being asked pointless questions…..I just can’t tolerate it. Sadly for my poor husband, in the beginning of our relationship, “pointless” to me included too many questions about how I’m feeling.

    The poor man was trying to help!

    Are you cramping?
    Have you taken some paracetamol? (Or if I’m taking paracetamol….Oh, are you sore?)
    Is it just cramps or have you got a headache too?
    Is it a heavy period this month?

    Unreasonable. Levels. Of. Rage.

    Its as if I’m expending enough energy just existing, all I want is to do my own thing & be left alone.
    I’d grumpily express this & head to bed.

    Half an hour later his wee face pops round the door
    “Can I get you anything?”

    AAAAAAAAAAAAARRRRRRRRRRRRGGGFFGGHHHHHHHH!
    IF I WANTED ANYTHING ID HAVE BROUGHT IT WITH ME! (thankfully inside my head)

    Fast forward to the current day & thankfully PMS has greatly diminished over the years.

    Now he knows not to ask me anything unless necessary, not to try touching me or fuss over me in any way.

    In return, I do not snap at him (always apologised when I did), will willingly offer up the information that this month’s period is a bad one & say “I’m away for some quiet time”.

    His response is “feel better, give me a shout if you want anything” & he does not disturb me.

    Imagine my own reaction is completely opposite to other people’s wants/needs & frankly, it’s a difficult thing to navigate for everyone involved!

    Based off my own feelings, I would say the best thing any partner could do is wait until PMS/PMT is not present & just genuinely ask how they would like to navigate that time of the month together. What would make it easier?

    This works both ways. If the partner who doesn’t have a cycle feels upset/distressed/sad by how their partner behaves during this time, then it’s just as valid to express that.

    Yes, it can be very difficult to curb your reactions & emotions (it’s almost as if you as a person is being overridden at the worst) but it *is* do-able in varying degrees. If it absolutely isn’t, then time apart (even under the same roof) may be the solution.

    Empathy & understanding is a two way street & there is a meet in the middle solution where everyone is as comfortable as they can be. All about communication!

  7. My mood swings are more caused by extreme pain (endometriosis) than hormones, so the best thing a partner could do is just be understanding and empathetic. I do my best not to lose my temper, but if I do get snappy, best thing would be for my partner to not react in the moment, because it’s probably the pain talking. I’m more than likely to come and apologize on my own once I’ve had a moment and they can talk to me about it when I’m not hurting as badly. They don’t need to put up and shut up, but a little bit of compassion goes a long way and I truly appreciate it when my partner understands that.

  8. Just understand the fact that im in pain.
    That’s it. You don’t have to FEEL the pain to be understanding. Just understand that im in pain and give me emotional support.

  9. I always tell my fiancĂ© right when I wake up what kind of mood I’m in. And if I feel a mood change coming I warn him. I always tell him not to take anything personally just in case I snap before I gave him the mood change warning.

    Also don’t ask a lot of questions. If I get asked too many questions I get MAD. Also repeating myself flips my switch too.

    Best thing is to just leave me alone haha I will reach out if I want/need something

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