You matter. Yeah you! I get that no one wants to be lonely but don’t you want to be happy? Truly happy? Wasting your time with people who don’t fit your mold or lifestyle, that’s a lot to handle. I truly believe it isn’t healthy either. I have spent my life doing that and now… I’m more than ok with being single and loving myself. Enjoying my life without someone else’s dislikes of who I am or what I like. Please don’t settle. Let’s NOT be our past when marriage was *mandatory*. Enjoy your life and live it well for you.
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Because they have a poor sense of self.
People panic when college ends and they need to find a job and a significant other to keep up with their friends. So they settle for a crap job and a substandard relationship.
This cycle continues until they are 30 and decide to settle and are married with kids. Around 40 they get divorced and try to tell the 20 year olds not to settle. It’s a vicious cycle, been this way for the last few decades as social media and cell phones made people too accessible.
People accept the love they feel they deserve. It’s not as simple as “just don’t do it!” These types of relationships are born from low self esteem and trauma.
Until someone is in a position to be honest with themselves and truly heal the cycle will (usually) repeat.
The fear of being alone. Those brief moments that you with the person feel so good
Fear of being alone
Usually no self-worth seen in themselves.
Maybe because they’re all afraid of being alone so being with someone that pisses me off once in a while is better than being alone or trying to find someone that makes them more happy
Finding the right one is highly unlikely for most people it’s just a numbers/ probability game. So after playing the game few times most people give up and settle
By the time you reach 30, you realize you havent accomplished the things you wanted. You realize the longest relationship you had was 2 years, when you were 17. Your job is not so fulfilling and you are afraid to be alone. So you think if you hold on and try hard enough, it will work out. But mostly people are afraid of the uncomfortable feeling of being alone with their thoughts and fears. It’s easier to distract yourself with the other person.
I have quite a number of friends who are in this vicious cycle. And it can get quite ugly, when people are in the relationship for the wrong reasons, but are too afraid to admit it.
That’s why I ended my last relationship it got bad at 6 months in with my partner at the time and I realized I got trapped in an endless cycle of abuse as my partner loved to get aggressive with me. I hope to find the right one for me but goddamn did I end up being traumatized
i needed to hear this. i’m an early bird who loves breakfast dates and my bf wakes up at 1 or 2 pm. i get he works really late at a restaurant and gets home at 3 am but it doesn’t mean it doesn’t suck. i know i can have breakfast on my own but i want a partner to do that with. even when he doesn’t work he still likes to sleep in late. is this a dumb reason to break up? we domt really even get along sometimes but we are both pretty possessive over each other i think. i’m in a relationship where i could be happier with someone else and i’m aware of it. but he’s been so good to me.
They don’t have to be right. They have to be better than nothing.
The vast majority of people alive do not bring enough to the table to actually pull the kind of person they want.
This! I feel like I spend half my life telling people this. I have quite a few friends that are in unhappy relationships and cannot understand why they can’t make them work. Like it’s pointless, if you aren’t happy yourself how do you expect to make another person happy enough for that relationship to be successful. Drives me mad. We’re only here once. I wish more people realised this.
> Truly happy?
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What does that mean? Why do you settle for having a million when you can have a billion? I’d personally settle because I’m not sure I can tell the difference between the two and, in my current circumstances, I have no ability to care. Hell, you could show me a stack of a million dollars, tell me it’s a billion, and I’d believe you. It’s not like I’ve seen it before. Whatever’s “truly happy” is subjective.
For a lot of guys it’s be alone or take what you can get.
This reminds me of “the perks of being a wallflower”
People accept the love they think they deserve.
I never had a relationship till i was 29. I always heard i was “too picky” and my “standards are too high” from friends and family… it hurt. But idk, i guess i internalized it over time, internalized this idea that i should “lower my standards.” I guess i thought i wasn’t capable of finding true happiness so that was as good as it would get.
… because being alone for many of us sucks, sleeping alone, going places alone, the list goes on
It’s not always so obvious… It may be because someone is afraid of being alone but it’s really not only that. I was in a relationship that lasted 9 years and it’s so much more complicated…
Sometimes, you meet someone and at first they seems to be everything that you want. It can take a lot of time to really know someone. So, you start a relationship with him/her without ever fully knowing if it’s the person for you. You just take a risk, you have too take risk. Also, not only does it take time to know someone but people change over time. Priorities change. My ex wanted kids at first but after 5 years she changed her mind… I invested 5 years in the relationship. I stayed during her depression. Do I suddenly leave after all that? When things go bad in a relationship, you asked yourself “Should I leave or should I stay?”. It’s never easy to end a relationship but it gets more and more difficult the more you invest in it.
Again, it’s not so obvious. When things go bad, it’s really hard to know if it’s just a phase or if it’s really the moment to step back. Also, when you are in a relationship, it’s hurts a lot if the person cheats or does some other thing of importance. But in a way, the choice of beaking up or not is a bit more obvious. The things is that in most relationships, the fights are more about the little things of daily life. “You didn’t do the dishes again” type of thing. The fights pile on and you ask yourself “am I really gonna break up because he/she didn’t do the dishes?”. Remember, you’re in the thic of it and it’s really hard to think critically about your relationship as a whole.
Also, the routine is a killer. With time, all relationship go threw it. Partners that once loved each other so much, after awhile, take the other for granted. In a sense, it’s hard not to because you’ve known them for so long… But then again, you get in a routine and people have a hard time changing things that they are accustomed too.
Anyways, it’s really not that obvious
We accept the love we think we deserve.
Some People actually become blind when it comes to someone they’ve grown to love. For example I thought my relationship with my ex was pretty healthy and stable, and ever since I broke up with him I realized so many red flags and how badly he treated me.
I wholeheartedly agree. It makes me sad so many people are justifying/are ok with settling in the comments. I will never settle. I am 26 and am already divorced, but even so I didn’t settle then. I had married my best friend and we had a LOT of interests and core values in common. It was a overall a part of my life I don’t regret- but I never regret anything. I just keep on moving forward. Shit always happens-Might as well enjoy life while I’m here to the fullest! I would
*much* rather be alone the rest of my life than settle. I know my worth. We got divorced last June because he cheated on me with my best friend I had known since 4th grade. I dropped them both. So now I am
Truly alone and it honestly feels great. That relationship felt good but I know even more *now* that I deserve even better than that; and what to look out for! So never settle. You can find love at any age, but we as a society should stop putting so much pressure on being with someone else. Yea we are social creatures, and crave intimacy, but there are ways to fulfill that healthfully just with friends for a similar fulfillment. I would like a relationship in the future, but it’s not a *requirement*. What is a requirement though? *Someone who meets my core standards* otherwise, *I’d much rather live happily fulfilled alone*. At the end of the day, the only person you’re with the longest in life is your own self and consciousness. So learn to love, trust, and fulfill yourself.
Why would you not settle for something if you’re happy?
It’s better to be alone than to have bad company. Your peace is everything, never let anyone get in the way of that. So yeah I agree, a relationship should be a compliment to your life, not a detriment.