What are the reasons there does not seem to be many resources for male sexual abuse victims?

44 comments

  1. Maybe because its just hard to talk about? Witch hunts aside, most men also don’t want to be framed as “broken” or damaged. Like do people do that to women? Hardly.

  2. Men are very expendable, at least that is what society has taught and shown us. When male sexual abuse victims are told things like ”but you are a guy, you should like this” or ”you are strong, you should be able to fight said person” or anything to just put the nail in the coffin that very few people care about us.

    A lot of men don’t really have anyone to call when they are truly are the worst, and darkest place mentally. And suicide rates are definitely a good indicator as how bad it is

  3. “Bro, you shouldve liked it!”

    “You should be lucky a woman even touched you”

    “That shouldve been me”

    “I wish I was treated like that by a girl”

    And the not taken serious tone when youre telling your stories to others

  4. It’s hard to allocate or ask for money for things there’s little to no data for. So it’s a bit of a catch 22. The dark numbers when it comes to male victims of abuse sort of keeps that status quo intact, because the victims feel like such outliers and alone, which means they won’t report the crimes which means the dark numbers will stay dark.

  6. Because nobody gives a shit about men. Even when a man is murdered the whole culture looks the other way. They call it accident, natural, suicide, or any excuse. They laugh when a man is sexually abused. In modern culture ONLY women matter.

  7. For me it was because:
    – I got laughed at when I told someone
    – I was told I probably was asking for it
    – My friend told everybody and they turned me into a gossip topic and don’t talk to me anymore because the person who did it is ‘important’.
    – men are supposed to just ‘suck it up’.
    – there are zero crisis shelters for men within a days drive
    – there are no male counselors in the region. Only females for female victims.
    When I called and asked to speak to someone regarding men’s rights, the person on the line responded with ‘Oh, you’re one of “those”.

  8. Male sexual abuse seems to be randomly innocent and hard to prove often the case

  9. One reason is denial of its existence for a long time. When one of the most prominent cited sources regarding rape denies that men can be raped(Mary Koss) by women it’s going to have a long lasting negative effects on it being taken seriously.

  10. This is just my opinion. Women throughout history have had the mentality that we need to step up and help each other. I think that the lack of resources for male victims of sexual abuse is horrible. The way to get support is to make support. Victims of sexual abuse could form a place to seek assistance and support from others who have experienced it. It takes someone to step up and make that happen. I hope someone does.

  11. Multiple reasons.

    Men have a hard time opening up and when they do, they just get laughed at or told to be a man. On one side you can be abused by a woman, and everyone will tell you they wish they were you and how awesome that is. On the other hand you can be abused by a man and admitting that happened is hard, because it destroys your manhood. It’s humiliating for a man to admit that, so they don’t come out.

    There’s also this prevailing narrative that only women can be abused, because people assume by default the man is the “stronger” one in the relationship or always has the physical upper hand. And thus there’s groups of people who scream that shelters for abused men are sexist against women.

    It’s sad really, cause anyone looking at the data can tell that a lot of men are in distress and dire need of help.

  12. It’s because men are unlikely to report their situation out of shame when something like this happens. Many men feel emasculated and are ashamed of appearing weak when something like this happens. So, many female on male sexual assaults go unreported. And of the cases that do get officially reported, very few actually get treated seriously because our fucked up society thinks it’s no big deal for a woman to rape a man.

    It’s so bad, there have been documented cases of women raping men, getting pregnant, and then suing for child support for the involuntarily conceived child. And they got the child support.

    It honestly amazes me that there are people who don’t understand why the suicide rate in men is so high, even outside of poverty/homelessness. The world fucking hates us.

  13. A few feminists tried building domestic abuse shelters for men but were shut down by other feminists who were offended by the idea that women could be perpetrators of domestic violence and for disputing the Duluth model. Those feminists quit and founded the MRA movement and they’ve been at odds since.

    Read about Erin Pizzey.

  15. Just like with sexual abuse against women a large amount of it goes unreported. With that being the case it makes it appear that there isn’t a need for the services.

  16. According to our society, men supposedly can’t be sexually abused, so why would anyone allocate resources for it. Definitely not true, but what we are taught from early on. Men are always the attackers, never the receivers.

  17. Society runs on exploiting men. Allocating resources for them is viewed as resources flowing in the wrong direction

  18. Because that is how our broke bullshit society works. Men aren’t as valued as women. Look at the dangers of jobs women aren’t applying for. Military service, wars usually only stop when women started dieing and the country ran out of men. Look a dating. The statics speak for themselves. Men are just more disposable.

  19. Because society doesn’t give a f about mens problems you’re supposed to suck it up because you’re a man. I’ve been harassed by a women multiple times and never said anything cause I thought no one would do anything.

  20. Men aren’t likely to report it and in many cases the authorities aren’t likely to take it seriously.

    I almost got raped once in my early 20’s. I was so drunk I almost couldn’t get the woman off of me. Literally took all of my strength to stop her and get myself to safety.

  21. I think a lot of men’s issues are because other men don’t support them enough. If more dudes rallied around these causes they wouldn’t be pushed aside. Women have done a way better job in that regard.

  22. There’s extra layers of shame for men, especially those victimized by men as children. Boys who are victims are not given “damsel in distress” treatment in the media. Look at all the boys who were abused in the Catholic Church and at Penn State. Compare to the US gymnastics scandal with Larry Nasser. I am certainly not trying to marginalize the horrible things those young women had done to them but they were hailed as heroes and brave for coming forward, and were given a podium for doing so. Their stories were talked about continuously during the last Olympics. You’ve probably never heard such a story about any of the MANY THOUSANDS of male victims who were molested by priests. You probably couldn’t name a single person who has come forward without looking it up. Strong men are not allowed to be vulnerable and appear as victims, even if they were just children at the time.

  24. I think one large reason is because women tend to be more involved in activism and are therefore more likely to establish services for women.

    Men don’t advocate for themselves as often and they’re less likely to be interested in activism. Society fails men in a number of ways and our attitude toward female-on-male abuse and male homelessness desperately needs improving, but I think the answer to this question is just that this is the natural outcome of women being more involved than men are in social movements.

  27. I think because most men see it differently, if a woman was to have sex with someone (not forced) even though she didn’t really want to (not feeling it) then she would say that’s rape, even though she decided to go through with it. If that happened to a man most would just say yeah we had sex I wasn’t really feeling it but I did it anyway and not say anything, if there’s no demand for it sadly resources won’t be made available

  28. Well, the only men’s shelter I’m aware of which was in Saskatoon, got harrased constantly, and couldn’t get funding to stay open

  29. From the women’s side of this aisle:

    *Because they think (erroneously, I might add) that men can’t be sexually assaulted. I am so serious. They honestly believe that men would not be able to get an erection without wanting to have sex and so therefore, have convinced themselves that there is no such thing. Not understand that men’s penises (Peni?) operate the same way the female clitoris does. If you get touched there, it feels good, and wakes the beast. Has NOTHING to do with wanting it and everything to do with the wiring. Le sigh…sometimes, I am ashamed of my gender.

  32. Men are considered as abusers and not victims. They are valued if they can protect themselves and not valued weaklings if they cannot defend against perps.

  34. On a societal level, resources going to men are resources not going to women.

  35. When I say this it’s gonna sound sarcastic as all get out but I’m being serious, Men aren’t viewed as victims. We’re supposed to be able to protect ourselves or even be glad when a female “takes advantage” of us. So for us to claim sexual assault is going against societal norms.

  36. Cuz society is like “you know what, fuck men let’s make them all sound like shitsacks”

  37. Have several close friends, all tall sporty dudes with good looks and careers, that have been raped.

    Nobody took them seriously. Several were raped by stalkers.

    One case: A woman that was standing every night in front of one guy’s house. Screaming and writing stuff on his walls etc. Banging on his doors and windows. When he went to the police station to report it officer just laughed and said “You have a woman standing in front of your house every night screaming for sex? You should be happy!”. After some time police stopped reacting on his calls entirely since they couldn’t do anything about the situation.

    She drugged him when they were still dating and had unprotected sex with him against his will, when he wasn’t able to fight her off, since she wanted to get pregnant by him believing that would make them a couple.

    Utter maniac.

    You are completely alone as a man. After enduring this for 2-3 years and having moved several times he snapped and just beat her to pulp one night. Never heard of her again. He now has severe PTSD and isn’t able to date anymore due to panic attacs. Just lives in a house in the middle of nowhere in the mountains and doing nothing but being a workoholic and working out.

  38. Unless it was violent, I’m sure as hell not going to admit to being abused or raped by a woman.

    Also, many teenage boys (me included) fantasised about banging some female teacher or some other authority figure, so guys in general dont consider that abuse.

  39. It’s not an equal , it’s no less important .

    Like any business or government funded body it’s supply and demand .

    Given that over 90 % of sexual assaults are committed by men and that the damage in domestic matters is over 70% from a numbers perspective it’s clear

    It’s also accurate that a mens movement exists to rather than support men bring down the protection of women and this rogue element is being addressed

    In Australia we have a mens and womens hotline that’s free and available to all . Both are under funded but exist and the staff do a great job . But both the states and the nation have put resources and a process to assist anyone male or female who are in need of support and shelter

    Teachers are educated to identify and refer it with children and we have a good process in place

    There is definitely an equality view

    I can’t speak for other countries .

  40. Maybe because there just aren’t that many victims. Same reason I can’t get coverage for uninsured blimp drivers.

  41. In reality, a lot of it is the fault of other dudes.
    Many guys will romanticize being sexually assaulted by a woman, because they think that a woman sexually assaulting a man equals a welcome sexual assault. It’s ironic because the dudes that over sexualize woman are not only damaging all women, but male sexual abuse victims, because they think that any sexual advance from a woman means “you’ve won”

    Men are also ridiculed for being honest about being sexually abused. They think that a woman isn’t strong enough to physically overpower a man, this is usually true, but female sexual assault on a male isn’t always a battle of who’s stronger, Drugs like tranquilizers exist, women can drug men, they can blackmail them, and at the end of the day, there are woman that are just simply physically stronger than their male victim.

    Also the woman who chose to sexually assault males will chose young men, usually through grooming, or straight up rape too. This also gets swept under the rug because when a female teacher has sex with a male student all the dudes go like “ugh I wish that were me when I was back in school”

    Let’s also not forget that men and boys alike can be sexually abused/assaulted by other men as well.

    Now, obviously I don’t want to paint the general population of fellow men in a bad light or women for that matter either. But people need to start opening their eyes and realizing all this schoolyard “girls are hot and any physical contact with one is a win” shit should’ve ended in junior high

  43. there are a few reasons we wont go get help that I’m not going to address here, as a victim these are the reasons.

    * people don’t talk about it, “suck it up”,”you probably liked it”, “don’t be stupid that cant happen to a guy” all things people have told me
    * “but what about women”, I’m all for women rights and being able to speak up but far too often its used to silence any conversation about how society treats male sexual abuse victims or when discussing resources for male sexual abuse victims. its one thing to ensure there are resources for women sexual abuse victims, its another to let that get in the way of other resources for other kinds of victims, I’m not blaming the entire metoo movement but far too many turn a blind eye to this be behavior.
    * probably the saddest, lots of men have a cavalier attitude towards this kind of thing, “im fine”, “it had no affect on me”, as you can imagine this leads to lots of problems down the line, this is also true for domestic abuse

  44. There aren’t resources for male victims of anything. Out culture only cares about women’s well being.

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