So basically the title, me and my fiancé have been in a relationship now for 4 years. It’s been a very good relationship for the most part and the best one I’ve been in yet. 3.5 years into our relationship i found out she was texting pictures/videos to another guy (in another state) and they talked for about 2 weeks before I found out and had her cut all communication etc. I was going through a bout of alcoholism and depression due to losing my father and not knowing how to cope with it at that time which I guess could have attributed to her seeking attention elsewhere (although I don’t truly forgive her I can understand somewhat).
I do not think she is doing anything shady anymore and I think she is 100% committed to our relationship now. Problem is, now that I’m sober (7 months so far) it seems like she doesn’t ever want to have sex with me unless I either ask if she wants too, or I initiate it in one way or another. This has kinda always been the case in our relationship, but there were plenty of times in the past she would tell me she really wanted to have sex right now or something of the sort, grab me, take my pants off etc etc, but now she doesn’t ask if I’d like too, she never initiates it, and doesn’t show interest in it unless I bring it up. She knows she can just grab my dick whenever she wants and I’d be down, but she won’t even do that unless I blatantly put it in front of her (which seems weird to me).
I don’t think it’s a sex drive issue, as she masturbates regularly, has toys like any other woman, and actively uses them. I’ve walked in on her masturbating when I was in the other room watching tv, and other times (she could have asked if I’d like to help her out or join in on the fun?) I know some women like to masturbate and I don’t mind her doing it lol but if I’m right there and able to pleasure her, why do it yourself? I don’t choke my chicken unless she’s not home or currently unavailable, not feeling well, etc as I’d rather just have sex with my partner if able to.
We also have great sex when we DO have sex, she gets off multiple times, and I can tell she enjoys it, but for some reason doesn’t seem interested unless it’s offered to her and I feel weird having to ask her if she’d like to have sex every day or trying to initiate it all the time and being the sole reason we do have sex.
Is there any way to approach this differently? I’ve tried talking to her multiple times and she assures me she enjoys our sessions, loves me and WANTS to have sex, but is constantly showing little to no interest unless given the opportunity. She said she would work on it but it’s been months and nothing, idk lol.
TLDR: Fiancé doesn’t seem interested in sex unless offered, how to possibly fix, or what else could be the problem possibly?
2 comments
Stop second guessing what she is saying. That shit could kill it for you. Why not start with toys on her and then move into sex. You make it sound so bad. Is there foreplay? Maybe she wants to try new things. But she says she wants you so stop asking be confident. If you aren’t confident that could turn a girl off. I can tell you from my experience. My wife always wants me to take charge and lead the situation. She is always ready for anything but I have to start it. She says that I’m the man and she wants me to take charge. Maybe make up some safe words then try to just take charge or get new toys. If she is going to be your wife you should try to keep things fresh in the bed. It can get old teal fast without you realizing it.
Because of her history of cheating id be concerned. It’s hard for me to believe someone would just never do that again. Try to talk about it. If she never initiates but still accepts, she could be attracted to you enough to accept but not so excited about the relationship as to initiate. Sometimes things get stagnant and boring in relationships… Masturbating regularly could, to her, be her own thing she considers separate to her desire for actual sex. Still, cause of her history all of this is very suspicious. I’d check her phone if I were you, I know that’s considered toxic but in this case you have a reason to… how else would you find out ? Idk. I hope it’s what I said earlier and that it’s not the worst case scenario. Also, the depression/alcoholism stuff isn’t an excuse. I understand when people develop feelings for someone else, but texting and sending photos is a choice. I hope you figure this out, and congrats on getting sober too. ✨