I’m (27F) currently in a serious relationship with my boyfriend (35M). We’ve been dating for 6 months, and this is the first relationship where I thought we could really share a life together.
But there’s one big problem: I never want to have sex.
I’ve only had sex a handful of times before I met him, all with different men. I never enjoyed myself or orgasmed. Every time, I’d think how I’d much rather go out for a slice of pizza than have sex.
So I figured that I just had to settle down, and practice with one person that I felt comfortable with. So that’s what we’ve been doing, multiple times a week for the past six months.
He can now make me orgasm half the time. But overall, I still don’t enjoy it. It feels like a chore. I love when we can get it out of the way before dinner or a movie, because that means I can cuddle and enjoy the quality time with him without the pressure of it having to end in sex.
My boyfriend does everything right. He’s respectful, doesn’t pressure me, I feel safe to say no (though I’ve never done that), and he focuses on my pleasure.
Here’s the most confusing part:
I’m horny, like all the time, when I’m not with him. I masturbate every single night before going to sleep, and it’s better than sex has ever been. Sex is like 10% pleasure and masturbation usually comes around 90-100%.
And I get sexual desires for people. I can look at a photo of a person, celebrity or real, and be like “wow I’m turned on and want to have sex with this person”.
But when there’s a real person in front of me, none of these feelings happen. Even when I’ve had intense crushes, I’d only fantasize about them at night. If they’re standing next to me, I don’t feel horny at all.
I really want sex to be good, and I don’t know what’s wrong with me. I’m not asking for relationship advice, but hoping that maybe someone can either relate or explain what might be going on with me.
TL;DR: I masturbate all the time and feel a normal amount of sexual attraction and desire for people. But I hate actually having sex.
4 comments
Definitely a mental issue. Talk with him. Try therapy. Try interesting things like blindfolds or paddles or rope or orgasm control.
U have not found the right one yet.
The problem is you are to in your head.
Most of the pleasure in sex is giving the other person pleasure.
I’m a guy and for me I want sex more than I enjoy sex.
It is what it is.
I kind of have the same issue too. What I found was that I liked the intimacy and foreplay a whole lot more than I actually liked just sex, even when it felt good. Try speaking to your boyfriend and see if you guys can try spending a more time foreplaying. The reason why I liked masturbating more than sex was because of the time I had just to myself, and no one else that I had to please because it gave me anxiety.