Found out my husband hooked up with one of his subordinates. This happened once and they were very drunk. I then started thinking about his relationship with this girl and now in retrospect, I don’t know why I wasn’t on to him before.
Back in December of last year, they had a trip overnight to some basketball game. It was an overnight trip and my husband gave her a ride home after the trip. She didn’t bring her car because she took public transportation in so he offered to drop her home so she wouldn’t need to take public transportation back.
Again in March, they had another trip where they flew out to another state. They both got drunk on that one and were flirty. They drank together most of the night and she was leaning into him a lot and they were grabbing each other’s hands. They got back around 8:30 PM and apparently an Uber home wasn’t enough for her, so my husband went 45 minutes out the opposite way of our house to drop her home from the airport and then come back.
Every time they have somewhere to go, she was always tagging along with him and they would take one car. According to her, the sexual encounter only happened once back in April on another trip but I am thinking about it and it seems like there were feelings beforehand that he wanted to act on.
Edit: I am aware because she came clean and then I confronted my husband. But my husband would come back from these trips and be honest about dropping her off. Just wasn’t honest about the flirting while drinking. I didn’t think it was weird he would drop her to her house but now I think it’s rather strange.
5 comments
How are you aware of their interactions while on business trips? Were you there too?
There is no way in Hell they only had sex one time. None. You are being lied to.
Read him these regarding full disclosure and the dangers of trickle truth:
https://www.survivinginfidelity.com/documents/library/articles/discovery/joseph-letter/?2022-02-25
http://www.move-beyond-the-affair.com/blog/2014/7/5/why-the-trickle-truth-hurts
Give him these regarding what he needs to know and be doing:
https://www.survivinginfidelity.com/documents/library/articles/recovery/what-every-ws-needs-to-know/
https://www.indigoinsight.ca/uploads/3/4/1/5/3415299/helping_your_spouse_heal_from_your_affair.pdf
Pick up a copy of *Not Just Friends* by Shirley Glass. It is the best resource in the dangers of poor boundaries in settings like workplaces.
He is going to need a new job. I don’t see how you can feel safe with him working with his affair partner.
Finally, r/AsOneAfterInfidelity for much more reconciliation support.
Other comments have provided some insight re: trickle truth , but honestly,
Does it matter when it began?
You know he has fostered this affair and its development for months. You know you can’t trust him. You know you will ALWAYS question everything he says or does from here forward.
The problem with a lie is that you’ll never believe anything they say from here forward.
Cheating is the biggest lie of them all, because you can never figure out if your relationship was the lie, or the affair was the lie.
He’s broken trust. You can’t depend on him to be honest. It doesn’t really matter when they started. What steps is he taking to make sure you don’t have to worry about it happening again? Good luck.