After a really bad relationship, I’ve decided to start dating again and have been looking to get into online dating. I’ve met a few people who’ve had tons of success on dating apps and ended up meeting “the one” while others have had nothing good to say about online dating. Just so I know what I’m getting myself in to what do you guys hate the most about dating apps?
25 comments
That its a waste of Time for the average men
People are just mad doofy.
ones that “double paywall” features.
For example I sign up to hinge and pay the membership fee so I dont have any hassles, the problem is anyone above a 6/10 is in a different section which requires “roses” to message them which are something you have to buy individually for $2 each. its a scummy tactic because everyone that you would want to meet is behind a second paywall, its even worse when you find out after a girl messages you that she had to also use a rose meaning that access to your DM’s is also pay gated.
Secondly I hate how all of the new tinder-like mobile apps have limited search and dont give a list of results e.g You search for what you want and get a list of the people that match, instead you get served one profile at a time so they can hide their true “members online” which people would use to judge if the app is worth it.
Thirdly when they obfuscate the last time a person was online, for all you know you could be sending messages to a girl who signed in once then deleted the app without closing her profile a year ago, they keep these around and hide last online time to hide active members too.
edit: Fuck it Fourthly I hate curated comment sections e.g the app gives women a prompt which is usually something like “first round is on me if you?” or other stuff, the problem is it doesn’t give the girl an opportunity to paint a good picture of herself and instead many profiles end up sounding the same (I love the office, words of affirmation and wine).
I don’t use them anymore, but i sure didn’t love the “Make me laugh,” demands or “You get points for…” comments.
Also, i realized quickly that “Let’s go on adventures” meant more “Let’s do the same hike every day so we can take selfies to post online,” and less “Let’s steal a bottle of calvados from your aunt, get a weird buzz on, and decide to buy plane tickets to a city we’ve never been to like Kansas City.” The latter being way more my style.
That they are scams. The majority of them are scams.
You pay more.
9 out 10 people are boring.
I most hate how dehumanizing they are.
If you aren’t a super hot guy…you are invisible, for the most part.
* They are very superficial.
* 90% based on looks (especially the likes of tinder).
* At least a % of women probably just want a free dinner.
* Many are scams (e.g. fake profiles, fake messages etc.)
* Catfish.
When you get a match after hundreds of swipes and they either never respond to your message, or they’re a bot.
You have to remember, brands and companies don’t care about you, they only care about money.
They’re a bigger scam than governments, and are extremely effective in making myself seem worse than I actually am.
The whole thing with them is depressing as hell. I’ve felt better after deleting them.
The people there just to plug their social media and or music career
Two biggest pain points for me are the hopelessness and the lack of feeling respected.
Hopelessness because let’s be honest, the girl(s) you really liked and read through their whole profile, you’re just gonna be dude number 524 in her inbox that she can’t clear no matter how fast she goes through her matches. Basically you’re at the mercy of the algorithm.
As for feeling respected, while obviously it’s not all women, in my experience a majority of women essentially say in their profile that the man needs hit a series of checkboxes and that if he is missing out on one requirement, he’s immediately discarded. And personally, I hate when there’s a very distinct “dance for me monkey” attitude in the profiles. Implying that all she needs to bring to the relationship is her beauty and that YOU are lucky that she’s giving you any attention. And as a guy, I don’t like the idea that I’m beneath certain people and that I have to show them my worth to be worthy of respect.
All in all, everything just feels so god damn stacked against you that it doesn’t even feel worth it to try.
You’re fighting a losing battle.
I’m a relatively attractive guy, I’ve never struggled with having people want to date me, but on tinder the sheer numbers mean you’re unlikely to get anywhere.
You swipe for hours and get maybe 5 matches. Girls swipe for 10 seconds and get that many.
You gotta be prepared to lower your standards to actually get matches.
I think dating apps raise our standards tenfold or crush your self esteem.
I’m pretty sure women get a pick of the litter situation and I think it skewes what real life interaction is all about.
Everyone is always told never to SETTLE. Get the exact man/woman if your dreams that fills every one of your check boxes. Life isn’t a Build-a-Bear. We all have our quirks and weird things, but in the end if it’s only looks and money that you are attracted to, how bland can you be?
The very few interactions I have had with recent online dating the women I talk to have had ZERO personality. No hobbies, no drive, no goals. Most recently this one girl I was talking to eventually said “you’re making me sound boring lol”. She did nothing but work, go home, and watch tiktok. Doesn’t like food, doesn’t like outdoors, doesn’t like video games, doesn’t like movies, only watched reality shows and tik tok.
She ended up ghosting me after exchanging pictures lol.
It sucks the most because that’s really the only avenue I have currently to meet women because I live in a very rural area and most of the women here are way too young for me or way to wild for me.
Pay to win
I cant even begin to describe how mentally draining i online dating is as a guy, i tried a few, ok cupid before it became ok tinder, match, pof, bumble, and hinge. i had my friends pick out photos they liked of me and i had a well written profile, and when i did message i talored it to that persons profile to prove i actually read it; i can count the number of matches i got across all them on one hand it wasn’t until i requested my info from bumble and saw the stats they had for me its when i gave up and deleted them all, i’m still lonely but mentally in much better place
How blatantly people use them to dehumanize each other, and how strongly the online dating environment encourages people to do that while they *shop* for their perfect hubby. Of course she’s going to drop you at the first hint of imperfection, she’s got 50 other choices to sort through today. I swear it’s just as bad of a behavior modifier as anonymity.
Also, IRL you’re competing with the other men in her life. With online dating, you’re competing with *the idea* of all the other men on the app. You’ll never win against an idea.
The sexist approach. It’s barely possible to have any interactions as a man, and they give free premiums and other benefits to woman… the creators feed on desperate loneliness of most man.
Also some of them are outright scam. Recently i wanted to try Pure, but got instantly banned after registering. Asked a support why, and they told me “account was reported by users”. I tried to ask for reasons, and also asked how it could be reported in the same moment i finished registration (so i didn’t even got the chance to interact with the site), but they just ignored following questions. And their reviews are full of people who also got insta banned upon registering. Dev’s replying to all of those telling to reach support, but support gives this answer about reports all the time.
The fact that they don’t work for us. Girls? They can get a million messages. Guys? Yeah, good luck
The idea that I have to come up with some perfect, insanely witty text message (which says nothing about my personality) to someone I don’t even know in order to even be worth replying to.
They’re training society to embrace the worst aspect of themselves
The you behind the screen is not the you in real life.
The screen distorts and filters both yourself and what’s on the other side.
Then when people start to figure out what’s going on they get angry, but that anger isn’t directed toward the people who created this mess and are in a position to do something about it. It’s directed at the other people caught up in it.
Giving a dating app to a teenager/young adult is entirely irresponsible. The people running these sites 100% know what’s going on and don’t care.
I’m in a relationship now but I remember dating apps being great.
See before dating websites/apps I would get motivated to try my best, and after months or even a year, I would exhaust every bit of hope I had. After that, I would feel like the worst unlovable inhuman piece of shit.
But once I tried dating apps I would get to the “worst unlovable inhuman piece of shit” stage in a matter of hours or days, a real-time saver. 😉
Matches put 0 effort in. I’m tired of asking questions and getting 1-word responses or responses that just kill the conversation. I understand that women typically have their inboxes and match requests flooded, but dear god, for once I’d like to be asked about anything on my profile.