My best friend (20F) and I (20F) have known each other for most of our life and have been super close for the last 10 or so years. I don’t know if I should continue my friendship and not say anything about the way she treats me or if I should confront her concerning my feelings and possibly lose my longest friend over it.

To sum it all up it feels like my “best friend” takes just about every chance she gets to belittle me and berate me. I had always chocked it up to it just being her personality because she tells everyone that her personality is just plain “sarcasm.” But sometimes her sarcasm hurts me enough to make me cry when I am finally alone (and I am not very emotional or sensitive).

Examples (I will call my best friend – Sue)
1. During our freshman year of college Sue and I were hanging out with are friend group(made up of guys and girls). During a conversation she blatantly called me a wh’’e multiple time over and over in front of everyone after “body count” came up in the conversation. Sue knew what my body count was (4 at the time so not even that high I don’t think) and that I didn’t like to talk about it because my sexual life is quite private to me. She on the other hand was a virgin and she would tell everyone that, so it felt like she was trying to make herself look innocent and make me look bad or slu’’y. Because previous to this she had told everyone what my body count was without asking if she could.
2. She questions the way I dress, look and wash my body. – For however long ago this started Sue always seems to question how I care for myself when we go out to an event, just hanging out somewhere or doing anything. She will question “why are you wearing that shirt or those shoes. Why did you shower before we left. Why did you shave your legs or put mascara on.” She asks these questions in such a condescending way it makes the most simple action feel like the worst thing in the world. It has gotten to the point that I now take in mind everything that I do to prepare myself before going out so I don’t stutter when I say “because I wanted to” as a firm response to her incipit questioning. (I also have a speech impediment/stutter which worsens when I am anxious/nervous which is why I prepare myself now)

Tl;dr do i confront my best friend about the way she treats me to save our friendship when she takes just about every chance she gets to belittle me and berate me.

1 comment
  1. Sarcasm isn’t an excuse to belittle and berate you. Yes, you do need to confront her. Explain how hurtful those things are. How she responds and how seriously she takes what you say will likely tell you whether or not your relationship will continue. Over time the way she treats you will take more and more of a toll on your mental and emotional health.

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