So I’m trying to make friends. I’m 34F and I haven’t made any friends since I moved here 4 years ago. I have social anxiety and I’m a super shy person.
I have a few aquaintances I get along with. I was thinking of inviting one out for lunch just to get to know each other or whatever. We get along well, have had some decent conversations, and she’s super chill and nice. But we haven’t talked in like a month or so. Would it be weird to just randomly text her and ask her if she wanted to grab lunch next week? I do better at one on one conversation than in a big group so I’m hoping it won’t be awkward or uncomfortable silence at lunch. Any pointers to keep the conversation flowing? Or any pointers to just get past the anxiety that makes me not even want to ask? Should I already have a place in mind or if she says yes, ask where she’d want to go?
2 comments
Everyone enjoys an invite! It feels good to know that others want to be in our company. Go ahead and invite her.
As for conversation, the best thing is to stay relaxed, listen well, and try to engage with whatever she is saying. If you sense she is happy to talk about something, maybe encourage her to keep at it with a question. If a topic seems to upset her, let it go. Try not to panic if there’s a pause in conversation.
As a general tip, don’t return to a previous topic once the conversation has moved on. This means sometimes not getting to say something we really wanted to say, but it’s better for the flow to just let the conversation keep moving.
Also keep in mind that other people are often a bit nervous and insecure, as well, so it can be a good idea to communicate how much you enjoy their company, to thank them for hanging out, and to generally make sure they understand that you value them and their time.
Go ahead and text her it’s not so weird as to be outrageous.
Spend some time reading some lists of icebreakers and file away some funny openers. She’s not going to expect you to be robin williams. If you’re worried about a boring convo, have a snack instead of a meal and go to an activity together.