I (26M) have always been quick to come, with another person or by myself, but it has now become a problem that I really want to fix because my new partner really wants to be railed by me, but when I go hard and fast, I cum in no more than 20 seconds. Even when I go slow, it feels like any speed builds me towards cuming, and I have to pull out and wait to calm down every 20 seconds, which is obviously not very good for either of us.
We have considered using a numbing spray or condoms, but I also have difficulty staying hard unless my penis is constantly stimulated. When we start making out I will be hard, but after 10 minutes of kissing, foreplay, and going down on and fingering her, I will have gone soft again, and it will be a struggle getting myself hard again, and when I do, I will be quick to get soft again. Even just getting a condom out and putting it on often takes long enough I will be semi-soft trying to put a condom on, and I will get soft with the condom on too unless I quickly enter her. Even after that, once I am in her, I will cum in 20 seconds (with a condom on) once I start actually fucking her.
I spend a lot of time with foreplay and using my mouth, fingers, and toys on her, and I make sure she gets off too, but she has specifically said she won’t be satisfied until she can cum from me fucking her, and while she comes quite easily, and would likely come from even just 2 minutes of me fucking her, I can’t last 1/6th of that right now.
I looked up other posts asking for advice on this topic and have tried some of the advice that was given. Firstly, I don’t think my cuming fast is a mental thing because even when I am trying to take my time masturbating alone, I cum very quickly, and I never felt rushed to cum quickly growing up or anything like that. I could try doing math in my head or something like that, but the goal shouldn’t be to make sex worse but to last longer, and I don’t think my girl would want me to not think about her during sex. When I was single, I masturbated about once every other day, which I think is a reasonable amount. After I cum, and wait for my refractory period of 20 minutes or so, my next time still only takes me 20 seconds or so, although it is often more difficult for me to get hard again. I’ve done kegals, and I am not particularly out of shape (6′ 185lbs). I’ve tried edging and teasing myself, and I can do that for a solid half an hour (going very slowly and starting and stopping regularly so I don’t cum), but when I do cum at the end of that I will still cum quickly and easily. I have not tried any chemical solution yet, such as a numbing condom or spray, but I don’t know how that will work with my getting soft so easily. If anyone has experience with a similar situation or has any advice, I would greatly appreciate it.
5 comments
Ever tried a cock ring?
Try kegel or whatever they’re called exercises
The official definition of premature ejaculation is ‘so early that the parties feel upset and unsatisfied/it affects your self-worth’, more or less, but it seems when you push people for a time frame under one minute is a solid consensus. You seem to be meeting both of those descriptions. Try the numbing cream condoms OTC stuff etc but get the gumption to discuss it with your doc. There are prescription meds that can help.
I really sympathize with the, I get a boner for normal foreplay but as it goes it goes away and rarely comes back, or comes back in an unsatisfactory and hypersensitive way where the line between ‘able to get stiff’ and ‘whoops now I’m coming’ is virtually nonexistent. This describes me exactly. One thing you can do is switch up the order of your sex acts. I bet GF is down to get railed fairly early in the process (but talk to her obviously); if you still have the mental focus and stamina to get her off manually or orally after you’ve dropped your load, then break out that condom and move onto PIV while the boner is strong. You will probably be less sensitive at this stage and have a bit more stamina and less of the anxiety caused by going soft and trying to get it back. And then do your duty finishing her off (if still necessary) what’s you’re done pounding.
Even if you are in shape I think some basic body awareness and wellness exercises can be beneficial. Meditation, yoga, just finding time to lay down and relax while you wiggle your fingers and toes or methodically engage/stretch most of your muscles, I think all of this helps to build warmth and excitement in your body that will make you feel more natural and more in control in sexual settings.
Also idk if this sounds ridiculous but as a gay man it seems kinky and fun, you might up the toy game – bigger dildos or whatever the GF finds to be more intense, or even you pegging her 🤤🤤 can help close the gap between her desire to be fucked and what your penis will cooperate for. Definitely more intense and intimate than tongue/fingers and much closer to simulating you actually railing her. I wouldn’t do this JUST to appease her but if the two of you mutually find that exciting or intriguing in any way, I think it’s a fun road to go down.
Edit: OH OH OH OR USE A SHEATH!!!!!! sheath toys are the BOMB. It will feel much more natural than the pegging suggestion while having the same effect – you can be semi soft or cum quickly inside and still provide the exciting thrusting, without the to-do and the potentially degrading aspects of having to strap up.
Deep breathing techniques, as well as making sure you’re not flexing any muscles during sex.
I used to be a crappy performer when I was in my “prime” years because I didn’t take care of myself. I’m 39 and don’t eat like a science experiment but get regular cardio on my bike and fuck around with a pull-up bar even when I need a chair. I still eat like an idiot at times but also get regular ruffage and hydrate well. I have testimony from two friends that I perform way better than a decade and a half ago. All the health shit aside I’ve also gotten to a point of comfort with myself to where there’s no pressure. So I focus on pleasure more than performance and that seems to help the most.