Hey. Hoping for some suggestions/wisdom/advice please.
I’ve been with my partner for just over a year. Everything is going well, we’re both very in love, laugh loads, share deeply, spend time and have good sex. We equally initiate, she gets very turned on and the sex itself is intimate. She gets very wet and is all over me. She makes me feel good and we both take time with each other beforehand, during and afterwards.
Here’s the thing, she never orgasms. Never. She explained she can get close and then she just loses it. (She’s not on antidepressants or other medications). She also explained that she has never orgasmed with someone else, not even on a single occasion in her previous six year relationship.
When we talked about it, she said she can make herself cum nine times out of ten if she is on her own, but it hasn’t happened whilst someone else is there. Not ever.
I asked her to show me how she likes to be touched/how she likes to touch herself and she was reluctant. She said it feels better if I touch her than if she touches herself, but how can this be true if she never cums with me or anyone else but can cum on her own?!?!?
I’m starting to think that maybe she has shame or is embarrassed about something, that she is holding back in some way. She assures me that she loves sex and that sex is about more than orgasms which I agree with but, still…..something feels off.
For context – I’m 49, she is 32 and I am fairly sexually experienced. I know some women find it really hard to orgasm, but I wondered if any of you lovely folk can share from your own experience or advise me?
Thank you in advance.
7 comments
Female here – I can assure you she isn’t lying as I have the same issue. I have enjoyed sex with my partners every time, and even if they have made an effort to make me cum, unless we had the aid of toys (and even then it would take longer than if I were alone) it just wouldn’t happen. It is unfortunate that it’s harder for some people to cum, but that doesn’t make sex less enjoyable. I’d say to give it some time, maybe bring toys if you guys want and just enjoy the whole experience rather than focus on the end result.
She sounds just like me. I have no idea why I can’t cum with a partner, I’m very sexually open and uninhibited and have been with some very experienced, amazing lovers. It just doesn’t happen.
I find giving oral sex is magical, of course, after a long make out session and licking and sucking nipples, etc.
I always had issues getting an orgasm with my ex (not for a lack of him trying). Once I was able to relax and not feel pressured to cum, is when I finally was able to get off with him. Has he tried going down on you? That could make me cum very fast as well.
Is she comfortable masturbating in front of you? If so, I’d see if she is open to masturbating to orgasm, or the two of you could masturbate together to take the focus off of her. This would hopefully allow her to get comfortable letting herself go in front of you and also allow you to see how she gets herself off. Incorporating a vibrator into your sex life may also help. All of that said, anything you do needs to be done without making her feel pressured to orgasm.
Thank you for all the replies, much appreciated.
For those with a similar issue and who cannot cum with a partner, what is your insight into why you personally cannot make it happen? I’m just trying to understand what might be going on for her….
Situations like that can be tricky, try to reassure her that its a safe place and she can express and share everything she has on her mind, being fully open when it comes to the bedroom is amazing just because it makes such a difference when you can explain what you really want and what her fantasies are, have you ever thought about getting some toys? Toys are a great way to help someone reach the point of getting an orgasm, it takes me a very long time time to reach it, I don’t know why but it’s always been like that lol, I got this [Bombies Banana Vibe](https://www.bombex.com/products/bombies-banana-vibe?_pos=1&_psq=bombie&_ss=e&_v=1.0), and its perfect for me and my hubby, especially when he controls it hahaha, so my recommendation would be talking to her about toys! If you guys don’t already have some