For many years now, I (32F) have had the best orgasms from masturbation. I bring them into fruition by laying on my stomach and stimulating my clit with the palm of my hand, usually through my clothes. The orgasms I have during sex with another person just aren’t the same. I’m able to feel mild orgasms when in the cowgirl position and I’m able to cum the best when I’m being fingered. However, someone else fingering me isn’t always easy since I’m super sensitive down there when it comes to things that are smaller and thinner and pointier than a penis. In fact, part of the reason it took me so long to lose my virginity was because I would tense up down there. I can handle a penis now but I’m still a little hesitant when it comes to fingers. Whenever my boyfriend (34M) does try to finger me, I always have to guide him because I don’t like not having control down there. Maybe it’s an anxiety thing since I’ve always had issues with anxiety and OCD. But when he does it right and I’m in the right mood, it can feel goooood.
With that said, I don’t get as good of an orgasm during regular P-in-V sex, even though having sex with my boyfriend is otherwise enjoyable. In fact, it’s not just him. P-in-V sex with ANYBODY, although it feels good, will never beat a good masturbation session with my palm. Hell, masturbation with a sex toy doesn’t feel as good as rubbing my clit with my palm. Whenever my boyfriend and I are done with sex and he’s washing up, I do a masturbation session so I can have a “full” orgasm as well. I don’t fault him for this at all. I love him. It’s just the way my body is, I guess. Is anybody else like this?
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So tell him what you want him to do but don’t just come out with it maybe start to arouse him first and say “I want you to do this to me”!
What do you fantasize about?
How often do you masterbate vs. have sex now? If you’re so used to getting off in a specific way for so long, it’s going to be hard to find that same sensation another way. I’d say give cutting down the self-pleasure, maybe even abstain from sex for a week or two if you both can, and this can possibly bring some extra sensitivity to you and make things feel better from p.i.v.
It’s pretty common for some people to have better orgasms solo. Anecdotally, this is particularly true for people socialized as women; boys and men are encouraged to be openly sexual, girls and women are shamed for it in many cultures. It makes sense that so many girls/women just have trouble relaxing into the experience fully, when someone else is there.
Additionally, in my experiences with men and women, I’ve noticed women focus a lot on pleasing their partner, and some men just seem to focus on getting off. (I’ve seen exceptions to that rule, of course.) If one person is doing whatever feels good to them, they’re going to get more pleasure than the person who’s trying to make them feel good. Might not be relevant, but it might be.
Finally, some things just physically feel better than others. Maybe if you could daydream on your front while your guy slides his hand under you, that would blow your mind (after a learning curve where he worked out the mechanics). I used to know a guy who absolutely could not cum if he was sitting up; he said it just felt wrong. Sometimes, the physical sensations are the most important part when you’re trying to get a really satisfying orgasm. There’s nothing wrong with that (and btw the particular position you mentioned is very popular with lots of women). Completely normal, don’t stress about it.
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kegels can enhance your orgasms
Don’t we all?
Seems normal to me.
I can give myself an orgasm quickly and easily. Only one man was better than masturbation.
It took years after I learnt to orgasm on my own, to orgasm with a partner. Most men have touched my clit too roughly. I love slow, sensuous and gentle.
I learnt while laying on my back, which I think gives me a number of toy options, but, my fingers do the job just fine.
We are all a little different. By sharing we can learn about our similarities and differences. We can learn about our selves from others instead of re-inventing the wheel
So you need a vibrating egg or grinder. You can use it the way you use your palm. Just have him penetrate you from behind/on top when you lay in that position.