Basically, me and my long term BF broke up a month and a half ago. This was due to some small unresolved issues in the relationship, which caused me to have great anxiety towards it and lose feelings for him. Anxiety became crippling and I couldn’t really communicate it to him so we ended up breaking up. I was having anxiety also from other issues in my life and started seeing a therapist and working on myself.
We did not talk for 2 weeks and a half and then started talking once a week for the two following weeks. We tried reconnecting at the end of the month but I couldn’t sleep because of how anxious I was even though I was definitely getting feelings back. We decided to wait it out a little more.
I went on a trip and then we talked again while I was abroad and it was really magical. I had no anxiety anymore and could talk to him easily, without any bother. When I came back I asked him to take things slow but to work towards getting back together.
Now, these past 2 weeks we have been talking a bit more even though I tried not to talk all day everyday because I was afraid it would worsen my anxiety. We met up three times and each was better than the last even though nothing èhysical happened yet as it would only mean that we are definitely back together. I was not anxious at all. I 100% have feelings for him, feel comfort and happiness when we hug and enjoy talking to and listening to him. These were all things I had lost a bit at the end of my relationship.
However, last night he kind of gave me an ultimatum. He says he feels like he is accepting my every decision on this matter and that isn’t fair to him or his feelings and he needs to see I am making an effort to get back together. It sparked my anxiety again and I think the source of my anxiety is the idea of being in a relationship. I never had that kind of fear before in my life. In real life, we have been on what we could call three dates and those were all wonderful. Talking to him doesn’t scare me anymore, what gives me anxiety is only the idea of a relationship and the idea I have to decide and tell him if we are together or not.
I have a lot of love for him and want to work on myself in order to move past this fear but I have no idea how. Of course I’ve discussed this with my therapist and the conclusion we came to is that I feel like the most real version of myself is the one who enjoys the present and doesn’t constantly think about the future and decisions to make. I just haven’t worked out how to let that person emerge more.
Do you have any advice? Have you ever been in a similar situation?
TL,DR: Going out again with my long term BF after a breakup but I have relationship anxiety