So some context, I’m 21F and he’s 24M. We matched on Hinge, we’ve been on 3 dates so far. The latest one was last night, and we ended up having sex. The dates that we went on were amazing. I felt so much chemistry. They lasted for hours and we seemed to have a lot in common. After both the first and second dates, he told me he wanted to see me again and actively made plans.
However, between dates it felt like I was pulling teeth trying to get him to respond to my texts. He would sometimes take a full 24 hours before getting back to me, but he would respond to everything I said and ask me questions back. In fact, last night before our date he didn’t respond to me until an hour before our date after I had to text him again. He apologized for being so bad at responding. In person last night he told me that he thought he owed me an explanation as to why he’s been so bad at texting, and told me that ever since his semester ended (he’s in grad school and was taking summer classes), he’s been playing a lot of video games and napping.
One thing that really concerned me on top of this was the fact that he did not want me to spend the night last night. It was around midnight and he told me he’d drive me home. I assume that if he was actually interested in me, he would want me to stay over. It was also torrential downpour with a flood warning, and even then he still was adamant about driving to take me home. When he got to my apartment, he kissed me and hugged me goodbye and walked in the rain with me to my front door.
I was very worried he would ghost me after this date because we had sex and it seemed like he got what he wanted since he drove me home shortly after. He texted me when he got home telling me he made it back and I responded telling him I had a great time and he said that he did too. He did not suggest seeing me again. I texted him today again about something we talked about last night, and he responded almost 4 hours later. I responded back a couple hours later as to not appear eager, and he has not responded since. Writing this now, I think I know the answer, that he’s not really interested and just wanted to get in my pants, but things seem better in person, besides the whole “not wanting me to spend the night thing.” Maybe I’m just overthinking about the texting, since he gave me an explanation. Maybe he thinks it’s too soon for me to spend the night. He did tell me he had a meeting the next day for a research project he’s working on; maybe he needed to get ready for that the next morning.
I was thinking about waiting a couple of days and texting him asking if he wants to hang out again this week. I don’t know if that’s a bad idea. I also have the urge to text him asking him to just be straightforward with me if he’s not interested, but I don’t know if that’s a bad idea too.
I want to emphasize that we really did have a LOT in common, which is why I would be extra upset if he is planning on ghosting me/is not interested. It makes me wonder what I have to do to get a guy to like me. Even if there seems to be major chemistry, the guys I go on dates with rarely feel the same way back about me.
2 comments
One word: consistency. Or lack thereof. If he’s being consistent, that shows interest.
Unfortunately, he’s putting video games and napping over your relationship. So he’s being lazy. It takes nothing to send a text.
If this keeps up, your relationship won’t last.
You already know the answer to your question, but you are in denial. Everything is much easier in person because what are you gonna do, not talk to the person for 4 hours like texting? When hanging out in person you are forced to talk to each other. I know I know. You had a lot in common. Some men are very good at saying and doing just the right things to get in your pants. Don’t beg. Move on and heal. Everything will be fine I promise.