I’ve gone on a few dates over the course of a month with someone, and he’s not a horrible person, but I’m just not into him enough to continue dating. And the reasons are solely because of him and his personality, not because “it’s me, not you”. So, what are some thoughts on how to tell someone, who is perfectly a decent and nice person, that you are just not into them?
18 comments
Why not just say I’m not into you? It’s not me it’s you I don’t really like you. Have a nice day!
Just be upfront about it.
Whenever I’m on a first date, or second and I don’t feel the connection I usually say, “Hey, I’ve had fun on our dates, but I just don’t feel that connection I’m looking for.”
And if I enjoyed their time enough to want to be friends, I’ll say that as well.
i don’t feel the spark between us and don’t want to waste your time.
You just have to be as upfront and direct as possible. That’s it.
If you do anything else, it might go over his head and he might actually think there is some other reason than what you had in mind.
Just say: “*Hey, I’ve enjoyed getting to know you but I’m just not very interested anymore*.”
That’s it. And then move on.
“I’m just not into you” isn’t a dick thing to say. You could soften it a bit by saying, “I’m just not feeling it” but what you do NOT want to do is leave the door open. If he’s not the one then you don’t want him chasing you around thinking he has a chance. Make sure that whatever you say you close the door completely.
Just let them know politely that you do not see a future with them and so decided you will move on. You are not really obliged to explain your reasonings in full detail to mostly still a stranger.
Utilize the word “chemistry” in these situations. It’s just not something that can be tangibly measured or argued against.
I enjoyed getting to know you, but I’m just not feeling the chemistry between us that I need.
Literally “I’m just not into you”. It’s upfront and leaves no room for a misunderstanding.
You could say you’re “not getting the kind of connection that you are looking for.”
“You’re great, but I’m just not feeling a romantic connection and don’t want to waste your time.”
Honestly, the most non-dick way to do it is to say you appreciated the time but you’re not into him. Don’t take responsibility and say it’s you, don’t accuse him or tell him he’s a jerk, just keep it simple and very very clear.
“Thanks for the past few dates. I’m sorry but our personalities don’t click to me. I appreciate the time you spent with me but I’m not interested in continuing going out.”
That’s it. No apologies or sorry, just tell him it’s over, thank him, and keep moving.
being adick about it is unavoidable good luck with that
not in the mood today thanks
“I’m not trying to be a dick but I’m just not into you.”
Maybe?
if this is a man-woman thing, I’m sure the old little white lie of “I’m gay” would do wonders. That is… if you won’t see them again.
As someone that this just happened to recently, three quick things that help:
– Make it really clear and succinct why it’s not working out.
– Don’t give any idiotic consolation.
– Appreciate that the person that you have spent time with has sacrificed their own time in the course of this.
“Having gone out a few times, I just don’t feel a spark between us and don’t think it’ll work out.”
I’m ok with this, especially when it’s direct. I’d try not to go into the “Let’s be friends” comments (I’m not dating to find friends personally) or into how great they are (because they’re not great enough to be pursuing a relationship with).
If they ask why, then be direct and honest. “You’re a fine person, it’s just not what I’m looking for” is a perfectly fair and good answer. I think having gone on a few dates is fair enough. If the dating or meetups started with some sort of understanding (e.g., if they started a Reddit post), and your goals ended up not aligning, *be honest and state exactly that*.
I’d do it over the phone also to ensure it’s not wasting anyone’s time, and keep the explanation brief. Providing closure is really nice for the one that’s getting rejected, and this should be a clear answer when asked.
Also, avoid doing a “here’s a consolation prize” kind of thing. Telling said person how good you felt for said dates, and that he’s a wonderful person. I’ve had that just happen to me, and honestly, after someone’s dropped this on me, I could give a shit about how I made a stranger feel better from a few dates. It just aggravated me more that it didn’t work out.
Why sugar coat it, we’re grown adults.
Our feelings aren’t that fragile that you not being gentle is going to crumble our world.
Thank you for all of the suggestions and help! Here is what I came up with:
Hey, so on my end, I’m feeling like we’d make better friends than dating. I love what all we have in common and think you’re pretty great, but I’m not really feeling it beyond a friendship. Let me know if that’s something you’d be cool with, I’ll understand if not.