So I have a question for y’all. When in a relationship with someone if they are pretty much guaranteed to be up for sex whenever you want does that make you less likely to want it or work for it? Does it make you feel like passing up on an opportunity because you know that if you wanted to at a later time they would be more than ready and willing? My boyfriend is pretty much always guaranteed access to me for anything but he doesn’t really use it to his advantage. Most of the time I feel like I’m always the one initiating and doing the work. I’ve wondered if maybe since he doesn’t have to work for it that’s made him less inclined to chase me per say. And before anyone says yes I’ve discussed with him and he says it’s a mixture of the fact that he knows he can have me whenever he wants so there’s always another opportunity and of trauma where he just basically shrugs it off if nothing happens.
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Mostly this all stems from a few nights back I was on my period so I had restrained him to the bed and was trying to be dominant (something that is extremely out of my comfort zone as I am mostly submissive with some brat tendencies) I was giving him head and teasing him, talking dirty, taking my time, the whole nine yards. I was just doing my best to give him complete pleasure, the only rule (not really a rule so much as a guideline) was he wasn’t allowed to move, well one of his arms is left out of restraints due to shoulder injuries that cause him pain, he start to misbehave and I stop what I’m doing and tell him in a teasing voice that if he couldn’t listen then maybe I should just remove his restraints and we should go to bed. This was met with him just looking at me and say ***”okay”*** with a shrug of his shoulders. It was kind of a low blow for me as I was hoping he would beg me to continue and what not but he didn’t, not really, he did see the way I reacted and was joking saying ***”oh wait that’s not the response you wanted. Please don’t stop, I’ll be good… blah blah blah”*** all while joking and laughing. So I just got up and removed the leather cuffs and we went to bed. I thought maybe if I showed him I was serious then he maybe wouldn’t treat it the way he did, but he was truly unphased by it and just continued about his weekend without a care. That’s when we had the conversation about how I felt and he told me why he reacts and treats sex the way he does. Anyway that’s my question, any insight?
6 comments
Did he misinterpret “going to bed” as sex?
Maybe he just has a lower sex drive. Which is fine.
First off, bravo to you for putting in this effort. What you did for him sounds amazing.
There might just be some mixed signals that need clarifying. If normally you are submissive and a little bratty, he just might not have realized he was supposed to take you seriously in that situation. Maybe he thought you were being a brat and he was trying to call your bluff. Maybe he’s not comfortable/experienced being submissive himself and just needs some practice and/or guidance. Or maybe he was trying to be a little bratty himself thinking you’d discipline him and was caught off guard when you aborted the session.
Regarding him just going about his weekend, that’s a pretty standard defense mechanism for emotionally immature men. He knows he fucked up, but he hopes if he ignores it, it will go away. I don’t think it’s that he doesn’t care. It might be that he’s just not equipped to handle it any other way. That’s all some dudes know how to do when they upset someone. Laugh about it, give a half-hearted apology, and try to forget it ever happened. He should work on that, but don’t think it means he doesn’t care about you.
I think I was behaving similar with my partner. She stopped treating me for more than a week in any way and i understood the importance. I guess you can do the same
If I could do it whenever I wanted I would probably do it 1-2 times per day and it would never get old for me
If she’s up for sex by default, why would I have to “work for it?”