I’ll try to keep this short.
We are a blended family. I have a 20 and 15 year old
He has a 17 and 14 year old.
He is very insistent that his kids go to University to get a Bachelor of Arts. 4 years, we pay tuition and living expenses. Even without knowing their career paths, he thinks it’s just worth it for the experience.
I think it’s a better plan to pick a career path and a 2-4 year diploma course in a college to get there. On their own money and loans so they have some responsibility in it all.
My 20 child is currently doing this. Living on his own, loans, 2 year degree with career options at the end of $80,000
I see conflict in the future when our younger ones are done high school. Mine will be going off and getting loans for a specific career, his will be at home for 4 more years getting a free BofA.
He also has $0 saved for their education and just expects to “make it work” which will severely hurt our budget for the next 8 years.
I’m not sure how to proceed when there will be some pretty significant problems ahead.
6 comments
What feels good vs whats good for you….
I think they can have that life if thats what they want but you or your husband won’t cosign any loans for themselves without a solid plan.
I wonder is he projecting his life on to them or is this their plan because he hasn’t given them a structured life
Sit him down…
Roll him a little doobie
Or pour him a little drink.
Tell him to relax, take a deep breath…
Tell him you love him and reassure him of how important him and his kids are to you and yours.
Then text him the link to this post and ask him to read it.
How long did you date and how long have you been married? This is obviously not going to work. If you cannot sit down, go over the budget basics then its better to know NOW then to drag it out. You can try seperating finances, figure out joint bills have a joint acct you both pay your portion into and whatever money is leftover can go towards whatever (kids college in your partner’s case) but you need to trust him to pay his portion first and then figure out college without putting himself into a giant debt hole that will effect you. It can still cause issues if there is going to be resentment that his kids are living with you, if he has to borrow money from you, if he cannot afford presenta on Holidays, etc but if your determined to stay together with this huge incompatability chances are there is going ro be resentment whatever you decide.
Maybe you can offer a compromise? The kids take out loans to pay for the schooling and you guys help cover their living expenses up to a point. Kids definitely need some skin in the game. The “experience” of attending college with no sound plan and no responsibility for paying for any of it doesn’t sound like it will lead to anything much. If the kids are super responsible on their own maybe it’ll be ok but that’s not a definite and could lead to a large financial loss for you and your spouse along with nothing to show for it the kids. I have 3 myself, 2 over 20 and I can definitely say they appreciate things more and learn more when they have to help themselves. Not only that, but their own sense of pride and accomplishment is greater.
This seems like something you need to be in agreement on or he needs to fund himself. Do you have separate or joint finances?
I sent my sweet daughter to U of Florida. She came back at the 6 weeks break and had turned into the most hateful and combative person I ever met. All she could ever say was “racist, sexist lgbqpt, lqbtp, sexist, massaginist, racist, lgbtqp, racist, sexist lgbqpt, lqbtp, sexist, massaginist, racist, lgbtqp, racist, sexist lgbqpt, lqbtp, sexist, massaginist, racist, lgbtqp, racist, sexist lgbqpt, lqbtp, sexist, massaginist, racist, lgbtqp. Luckily she flunked out her second year and moved off with a friend. College ruined her. We don’t even talk to her any more.