I’m 26F and I’ve been dating around since I was 18. Mostly short flings because with school and work I’ve been moving around a lot.
Now that I have a stable job and I’m in a new city that I plan on staying in for a while I feel like I’m ready to find my long-term partner.
I’ve been on a few dates over the last few months but I’m not sure if I’m being too picky and I’m turning men away for things that aren’t that big of a deal. Back when I was just looking for short flings there wasn’t as much pressure to find the perfect person since it was going to end soon anyway.
I recently went on two dates with a guy that I initially really liked. For both dates, we went out to drinks and got food later. Both times that we were waiting for the food he was getting pretty agitated about the wait. To be fair, one of the places we had to wait almost an hour for the food, but the employee had warned us about this before ordering. He said he was cool with waiting but around the 45 min mark I could tell he was getting really agitated.
I was really turned off by it but I’m not sure if I’m just being too critical. Everything else about him I really like. He’s my type, a great listener, funny, has a good career, but patience is also a big thing for me.
I know no one is perfect, but how do I differentiate between a minor flaw and a dealbreaker?
4 comments
Even with a warning, it’s understandable to get a bit hangry waiting an hour for food. This does seem a bit nitpicky. I would give him more of a chance
Maybe he was really hungry. I’m down for a wait but sometimes when I’m hungrier than I had realized, I get hangry. It does not happen often and if I know how hungry I am beforehand, I will nix places with long waits to avoid irritability.
I wouldn’t hold it against him the one time. Maybe see if he’s always impatient or if it was a one off. We all aren’t perfect, you just need to know if he is an impatient person or if he was just very hungry this one time.
Youre allowed to be as picky as you want as long as you recognize that the pickier you are, the smaller your dating pool option gets, and the harder it will be to find someone who fits the bill. Most people i know would get a little impatient with a resturaunt taking 45 minutes to get anything out, as long as they arent rude to the waitstaff i dont think its really a red flag, but thats up to you to decide if thats something youre up for or not.
There are certain things that need to be non negotiable. All the pros you listed for this guy fit in that category.
Then there is the silly, pointless BS that doesn’t matter. This is firmly the latter. In my experience, people that are too keyed in on the small stuff are the same ones that don’t prioritize the big stuff enough. Because if he’s actually a really good listener, you guys have chemistry, get along and have mutual respect, you should have an internal sense that that is what matters. If you don’t have all that, I would bet you have a poor sense of what you want and what you’ll accept from a partner. That’s a way bigger problem than whether he gets hangry.