My husband loves to do sports betting and makes a lot of money from it and hit a huge bet about $5k. I have made bets in sports for him that he never gave me the money i won (at least the full total) and have even won us a lot of money in Vegas that I did not get any of. ( i don’t gamble I’ve just gotten lucky playing here and there). He makes about 6times more than I do as well. He asked me to cashapp him $50 for something I bought and I paid him back. However, I removed his credit cards from my phone so I no longer touch his money. He got mad and said this is how we collect credit cards points and it’s like free money. I understand this and I agree but I can’t help but feel silly that my own husband would seriously request $50 from me when he spends money and I never ask for anything from him. I just accidentally used his card info at check out since it was automatic. Geez, I’d never ask him to pay me back what’s worth such little money to him. I guess I was raised different and thought money was shared. This isn’t the first time, he will ask for small things that are like $10 too if he bought something for our pet. I can’t help but find it embarrassing and the whole scenario makes me question if this is the type of relationship I want in my life.
46 comments
last sentence says it all
Maybe he doesn’t make as much money gambling as you think he does. No one really comes out ahead gambling longterm. But yeah being petty over $50 from your spouse is a bit weird, even if you do keep separate finances.
I get that the reimbursement thing is odd and a little insulting, but how are you not more alarmed by the fact that your husband does a lot of sports betting? That’s a losing proposition in the long term. I wonder if he asks you to repay him because he’s broke from bad bets.
Edit: typo
Having you repay him for something that is shared is ridiculous. Hell, even repaying him after he keeps all of your wins is ridiculous. You should be asking him to send you all of the money you have won since that is yours (minus the buy-in that was his) if he wants to be weird about things. Your not spending thousands from his credit card.
Was he raised with money? I’ve experienced, albeit not much experience here, that sometimes people raised with money are taught to cling to their money. Every cent they expect to be repaid, even by friends. But people who were raised with less sometimes seem more willing to give freely without expecting repayment. I know this isn’t true for everyone ofc I don’t mean to say it is! But it is a small observation I’ve made from my limited experiences and wonder maybe if it’s applicable.
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He’s absolutely not ahead long term in sport betting. I used to work for an offshore bookmaker and the house always wins.
>He asked me to cashapp him $50 for something I bought and I paid him back. …He got mad and said this is how we collect credit cards points
Lol this drongo needs to make up his mind. Either youre a team financially or youre not.
He’s nickel and diming you his own wife and even worse, If I understand you correctly he steals your winnings off you. Treats all his profits as separate. Yet he still wants to combine certain ASPECTS of your finances for his own benefit when it suits him.
OP he sounds like a dishonest man and frankly youre likely one of the people he cheats, since he sees you as almost an adversary.
As someone who struggled and still struggles with gambling, it sounds like your husband is a gambler… no one only bets this, always wins, but is obsessed with all sport etc etc. There are a lot of red flags.
This is what addiction looks like.
I can almost guarantee he is actually losing money. You should run.
He asked you to pay for something you bought? That sounds like the biggest non issue ever. I can’t fathom that being something worth divorcing over.
It sounds like your husband has a gambling problem.
He seems super selfish and petty.
You can CashApp him some divorce papers
The title really buries the lead here. First of all, based on the post and your comments, your husband seems to have an uncut gems fantasy going on and but this is not how he wins. The thing about gambling, it’s not and never can be a productive hobby. Statistically speaking, the house always wins and you dont even get a kitschy item in the end like some other expensive hobby. He is weird about money because he is shady about money and projecting that on you. My ex was a gambling addict and it’s like looking at the past.
Know that this $50 dollars is just the beginning and its gonna snowball. Do not let yourself be crushed by the snowball. The humiliation is gonna get worse and worse till you’re the long suffering wife who stood by the dude to the poor house. He’s not gonna get better till he admits its a problem and wants to truly change, know that you can’t force that of him and should always choose self preservation when dealing with an addict . Speaking as an recovering alcoholic, saying only doing small bets (all the time bc hes always on his phone) is like saying he only does cocaine or meth recreationally, he just does it every single day.
And fwiw, you deserve better. My current SO makes 3x I do and would be embarrassed asking me for $50 for a SHARED expense. Especially when said expense seemed to have been his idea.
I’ll bet you $50 he’s hiding massive losses and potential debt.
So… he has gambling addiction and is probably in serious debt (that he plans to pay out gambling even more)?
your post reads like ep.1 of squid games…
He’s not being honest about his losses.
Yeah, traditional relationships are going by the wayside. The feminist empowerment movement and all of that has men not feeling the desire to float the boat anymore. Traditionally men were “providers” and women “homemakers.” Now with both people working, and men being expected to do half of the housework, women have lost the provider aspect from men in the process. Everything has a price.
Hell no lmao
Your husband is in serious debt and is hiding it from you due to his serious gambling addiction problem. I’m sorry.
Wow, this is a disaster.
1. Gambling is not investing. It doesn’t matter if you think you’re good at it. Eventually, the house always wins.
2. You’re married. Your finances should be combined.
3. No, credit card points are not “free money”. Again, the house always wins.
This will not end well for him. Best to pack it up and move on
You’re doing the right thing. I have worked a career in finance and I can tell you that combining finances with a gambler is a recipe for disaster. I have seen the lives of families ruined by a husband who grew his addiction in secret. Gamblers are secretive by nature and only announce their wins. So did he even win 5 K if he lost 6 K two weeks prior? You will only hear about the win.
The $50 request may be a red flag that he’s on the way to rock bottom. Not necessarily but keep your eyes peeled for more clues. He probably cares about you but this fiend behavior.
In the meantime separate everything and start saving to start a new life. Hopefully, you guys work this out and you can just allocate that money to something else like a house or retirement. But don’t let it catch you by surprise.
…your husband has a gambling problem. To me, him requesting the $50 is an indication that he needs any money he can to pay off debt.
Sit down with him and tell him to stop nickle and diming everything. Asking your partner for anything under $100 is petty when you are 1. Married 2. Make decent money.
Then he asks you to use his credit cards, girl… he wants to make money off your spending AND make you pay him. He is making your relationship transactional.
Major purchases, I can get that. Constant charging you for small purchases though… I can see that start to feel like he doesnt truely value you beyond dollars.
Especially, he talks about how much he makes or wins. Then he wants back money from buying pet food… so petty.
Have you told him this? Like you said maybe he was raised differently and doesn’t see it like you. I would word it exactly as you have here and see what he says. And if he still asks you to pay him back for petty amounts, just start doing the same back
If you are talking about money gambling, THEN ABSOLUTELY HIDE YOUR MONEY especially your Card. Get him to a therapy and make this money sucking gambling addict not spend a single penny of his own.
If this doesn’t improve over time it’s for the better you leave him. You need to have financial security for the future since you are already married. Couples should rather share their money and build up strong financial support instead of one throwing away money lavishly and making the other partner insecure even about giving them. I have seen many families get ruined from similar situations. Hope you for the best.
“Either you stop gambling and bragging about your massive amount of money, or you stop asking me to pay you back for less than $100 a week.” Or something to that effect.
It’s that simple. If he doesn’t like it, this probably isn’t gonna go well.
Gambling is fun. Gambling annihilates huge swaths of relationships. If you stick with this guy good luck, you will quite literally need it.
No disrespect but gamblers almost never talk about losses. Your husband is a degenerate gambler and loses more than he wins.
He is very probably a gambling addict – and he loses a lot more than he wins.
Get out. He is controlling. I feel so bad for you. This is not the way marriage should be.
You both should go to couples counseling. You are not wrong. You’ll need a neutral non biased party to mediate.
It’s totally lame and immature.
Don’t have kids with this guy.
>the whole scenario makes me question if this is the type of relationship I want in my life.
No one would want this.
All he does is take from you. He nickles and dimes you and then takes winnings from you. He’s a parasite. Why would anyone want to live like that? It’s brushing up on abusive. How does he justify stealing winnings from you?
Based on your post and comments it sounds like your husband uses you and your family to boost his gambling fund and then brags about the winnings while neglecting to mention all of the losses.
imagine being married and asking strangers for advice. Go and talk with your friends bro
The main problem I see on this sub is a lot of couples nowadays don’t combine finances and that causes a lot of problems.
Instead of our money or our finance, it’s his money or my money and there’s always fights about it and how unfair it can be.
Marriage is about becoming one. Not meaning that you no longer exist as individuals but that you work as a united front on everything. It’s not your problem, it’s our problem. It’s not his bill, it’s our bill.
I still handling our finances, as in bill pay, etc. But the money that comes into our home is our money and we discuss how we’re going to spend it, save it, invest it and make those decisions together.
So I’d talk about combining finances, maybe seek some marriage counseling. Try to work on the marriage first if you can.
Red flag 🚩controlling abusive gaslighting narcissist break up immediately etc
I’m generation X, so maybe I’m just an old fogey, but this new trend of “your money/my money” in marriages is odd to me. A marriage is a partnership, you are joining lives, homes, property, etc. One partner enjoying a higher standard of living than the other because their salary is higher seems wrong.
There’s a difference between being cheap and frugal. He’s cheap and greedy.
Let me say one thing, there’s no such thing as “free” money with credit cards. Pay them off, cut them up and close the account. If you have to spend 10 dollars to get 2 dollars it’s not worth it. Debt is dumb. Cash is king!
You and your husband should visit a neutral party, a counselor or therapist. Money is the biggest reason for divorce and you should address those philosophies on money sooner than later if you’d like to avoid divorce.
Oh dear. After reading your story and all of the comments, I’ve come to one conclusion.
You would be a fool if you didn’t hire an attorney to run a full background check on him and all of his “activities” since marrying you. Something is very wrong this.
I think time is of the essence here as now he’s using your dad’s address as an illegal tax haven. If you don’t smarten up, you’ll be allowing him to take both you and your family down with him. And he will be caught, make no mistake about that.
What a Loser! That’s not a real man, I give my wife an allowance and i still pay for everything when we go out or do anything because I make more than her!