I am 29F, I have a bf who is 29m.
He and I have been together for just over a year However we were in a fwb type relationship.
So we normally used condoms but I was told my entire life there is no way I’d ever get pregnant because my uterus didn’t develop correctly. I don’t even get normal periods. My ex husband and I actually tried and did fertility treatments and everything to no avail, I never got pregnant even once.
Well my bf ( fwb at the time) decided he no longer wanted to use condoms and we both made the decision that it would be okay. Well about 8 weeks later I found out I was pregnant. Everyone was shocked including my doctor and I was very high risk. We considered aborting but talked about it a lot chose not to. He and I both decided we would prefer to go through with the pregnancy.
I carried our child for 29 weeks and she was early due to my uterus issues. He has been there every step of the way from the very first appointment.
Now our daughter is in nicu and he comes by in the morning and picks up milk and drops it off on his way to work and spends time with our daughter. I drop off in the evening and spend time with her.
He has also taken me to all of my appointments after my c- section ( I am currently 3 wks pp) and made sure I was okay.
We have gotten very close since all of this and he has been taking me on dates. We have been taking it slow because we didn’t want to just be together for our child. If we weren’t good for each other it would be best to just co parent but we figured it wouldn’t hurt to atleast try to date. We are both divorced so we are trying to not make the same mistakes again.
We have been trying to work out a solution for when our daughter comes home because we feel like we have equal rights to her and want to be as fair as possible. However with me pumping it would be difficult for him to keep her overnight unless I pump a lot of extra.
Also it just is a lot more difficult for one person to keep a baby instead of two tag teaming it.
With all of our concerns he has given the possible solution for us to live together and continue to date but keep taking it slow. So basically he would move in with me ( I have the nicer apartment and he has a roommate so I’m not moving in there).
However I don’t see how we would be able to take things slow if we live together and I really don’t want to rush things.
How do we do that while living together and sharing a child?
We are also talking about living arrangements within the apartment. There are 2 bedrooms so we could either each take a bedroom and both have a crib for our daughter or one room could be the nursery and the other we share ( the rooms are directly across from each other).
Tdlr- my bf and I have a 3 week old daughter and are trying to come up with a living arrangement while still dating and taking it slow.
11 comments
why not just stay in your own places? You’re more than able to come up with a shared schedule when she is weened. In the mean time he will have to do the leg work…you did it when you pushed baby out lol.
You had a baby. Time for slow was over when you got pregnant. Give it a shot. Move in together and make a commitment. Kids need a mom and dad, both of you probably need to learn how to stfu and listen to the other person. Good luck with the mess you made.
>However I don’t see how we would be able to take things slow if we live together and I really don’t want to rush things.
Whats the best scenario for the baby? Thats the question.
You take it slow when you’re dating. When a baby is born, everything gets fast as fuck. You have to adapt.
>We are also talking about living arrangements within the apartment. There are 2 bedrooms so we could either each take a bedroom and both have a crib for our daughter or one room could be the nursery and the other we share ( the rooms are directly across from each other).
Honestly it seems like you guys have good communication. Why not go for it and try to live together? I feel like if that works out, its the best situation for the baby. Its hard to do separate living spaces when the baby is an infant.
You can live together or he can stay overnight on his nights with the baby, so that you are still able to supply milk, but he can do the rest of the care.
I had to consult with my girlfriend on this one because my jaw kind of dropped reading this and I needed to be sure I’m not crazy before responding. So this message is from two people.
We’re reeling at the idea you both chose to keep the baby but weren’t wrapping your heads around the reality of what that obligates you both to do.
**You don’t get to willingly bring a new life on to this earth and then prioritize “taking it slow” over the child’s needs.** That baby should be EVERYTHING to you both. Even if it means you’re not madly in love but still need to share a bed.
I’m flabbergasted you’d even consider two freaking cribs in the same house just because you don’t want to share a bed with the man you created human life with. Give the baby it’s own damn room. You must be kidding me?
You’ve got to get your priorities in order. Both of you. That little baby didn’t get to choose you both as parents, so you’re obligated to make that baby’s well being the center of everything you both do. You don’t get to choose you first anymore.
Again, you **chose** to have a baby together. You don’t get to take it slow anymore. It’s literally not a choice you have.
Take it slow? Having a child together is the least slow thing you could do. You should stop worrying and just jump the rest of the way in!
He keeps his apartment, and stays over for the first few months until the baby can have overnights. Then, he gets the baby a few nights a week (1-3 depending on your feelings/schedule). Think of him as a temporary visiting friend rather than fully moving in. You both have the security of your own space to retreat to at the end and you get help when you need it most.
The recommendation I have heard is that babies should share a room with a parent until they’re 6 months, so two rooms makes sense.
If you really want to take it slow, divide the rooms between you and the guy. Y’all will need your own private space at times, and either get a crib that can easily move between the two or get two cribs, the baby can move rooms depending on what you guys agree on
Congrats on your little one! It seems like you and your boyfriend are being very thoughtful in your actions and have great communication. Huge kudos for that! I think you should do whatever is easiest.
Ultimately, the relationship will either work, or it won’t because you guys either work as a couple or you don’t. If you’re in the same room or different rooms probably won’t have any influence on if you stay together or not. Choose whatever is easiest and best for the baby. Probably sharing one room so your baby can have one crib/sleep environment to get used to and build healthy sleep habits in. Best of luck, and I hope the little one is home soon!
You hit the gas pedal when you decided to go ahead and have a baby together. Nothing’s wrong with that but you really have to redefine your relationship now – nothing is slow about it. Talk specifically about why you wanted to take it slow to start with. You described him as a FWB but, at this point, he sounds more committed than some husbands. It’s definitely easier to take care of a baby with two people (not impossible with one – just easier with two) but it sounds like you two are doing this out of something more than convenience. It’s time (well, past time) to honestly open up to one another and to yourselves about what you want.