Hello, so I met this girl on a dating app 3 months ago. We hit it off immediately, and everything was great. We went on 3 dates that spanned a period of a little less than 3 weeks. We talked everyday in that time period, and everything was great. Then all of a sudden, it just ended. She said she just didn’t see it progressing romantically. I think I screwed up by not escalating things physically, but I’ll never really know. I’ve also made a lot of positive changes in my life since then.
I’ve also done complete no contact since. No social media stalking either, as she and I only have LinkedIns. I’ve been on many dates with other girls, and have been dating one for about a month now, who I’ve been much more intimate with. Despite this, I still can’t get over her. Whenever I do anything fun with the current girl (dinner, movie, etc), I just wish I were doing it with the first girl, even though there is nothing wrong with the current one. I’ve thought of reaching out to her, but haven’t thought I could do so without sounding needy or desperate, so I’ve stayed in no contact.
I don’t know what to do. On the surface, a few dates 2 months ago really shouldn’t bother me, but it still does. What we had was special to me, even though it clearly wasn’t special to her. Thank you for listening, any advice is appreciated.
4 comments
What was special was the fantasy you had, not the reality. YOUR RELATIONSHIP WITH GIRL #1 WASN’T REAL. It was all in your head, not hers.
Meanwhile, you aren’t doing justice to Girl #2, who is, by your account, actually interested in a relationship with you.
For HER sake, either get out of your own head, or, if you can’t, apologize profoundly to her and take yourself out of the dating scene for a good long while.
I’ve been in a similar situation. Over a year ago and the thought of that one special Ex still pops up in my mind. Just keep doing as you’ve been and it will fade into the past. 3 months isn’t long at all. Maybe you moved on too soon since you’re seeing someone but in your mind you’re wishing for someone else. That’s not good karma, and not fair to the new girl if she were to know your true thoughts. Maybe think of it this way: You were not even intimate with that Ex. What if things kept going with her, and you got intimate, and then found out from that intimate experience that you 2 were not compatible again? When you say you’ll never really know, keep in mind there was always a possibility that it wasn’t going to work out. When I say to myself ‘I’ll never really know’, part of me is still hopefully wishing. That hope is what causes you suffering. Keep letting it go, be hopeless over this Ex. Push for being more hopeful with the current girl. Hope this helps!
It’s both your ego and putting her on a pedestal. Your ego wants to show her how much you’ve changed and how much better you are, and the pedestal thing is because you created a fantasy of this girl that YOU had of her not her. You’re just hurting the second girl, and you should just move on completely because you say you haven’t looked into the first girl but she’s constantly occupying your mind, even when you’re with other chicks. Stop doing this and move on from 1 human being in a world of like 7 billion people.
I agree with what others above have said. You are putting girl number one on a pedestal, you have this fantasy relationship with her in your head. I’ll be honest, there have been a few guys I’ve gone on multiple dates with and then just ended up not really feeling the physical connection. They ticked every other box and I did have a good time with them and that’s why I kept going on dates with them. I was trying to figure out if some thing would build and it never did. That is probably what happened with the first girl. She liked spending time with you, you probably had a lot of qualities that she looks for, but in the end she did not have that physical connection with you and it has nothing to do with whether or not you made a move on her. If you are not ready to date then you need to break up with the current lady. You’re not being fair to her if all you’re doing is fantasizing about this non-relationship you had with girl number one