I’m starting to feel like my desire to orgasm is just a burden.
I’m 29F, married to 29M for 3.5yrs. In this time, I’ve been able to get my husband off, no problem. The same can’t be said for him. I’ve had multiple conversations with him about this, about how frustrated I feel never being able to finish. He has promised to work on this, which he has, but only in the form of PIV. The problem with this is that he pulls out when it starts feeling like I may come close to orgasm because he also gets close and doesn’t want to accidentally cum inside me (I don’t want this either). But when he does pull out, he rarely continues any sensation to help me finish, and usually goes to finish himself off.
I have told him I’d like him to give me more oral, which he tries, but again, he doesn’t particularly enjoy the taste/texture down there. He will finger me but it never lasts very long.
I have asked about maybe trying toys, but he says he would really like to be able to get me off without the help of toys. But when he doesn’t even put in the time and practice to see what feels good to me, what else can I do?
I’ve brought it up enough that I think its starting to bruise his ego. I don’t want to constantly bring up his failure to bring me to orgasm but I can’t keep living with the sexual frustration.
I’ve never particularly liked masturbating as I don’t stay aroused for long by myself so I have never even made myself orgasm.
Ladies, what was it that helped get you to the big O with your partner?
3 comments
you need to understand what you like and need before you can effectively communicate this to a partner.
but also, your husband shouldn’t really be taking this personally. if you say you would like to experiment with toys because you think that would help you, he should be supportive. it’s not about bruising his ego, it’s about how to achieve this as a team.
[deleted]
Oh, no.
So. I’m not exactly a pro. I’m not like a therapist or anything. But I’m just going to be straightforward with you, and tell you what I would do. I’m 36, female.
For the majority of my life, my sex life with my partners did not lead to orgasm either. Those relationships are now long gone. I will no longer compromise and be in a relationship that is not sexually satisfying. Do you think any men would do that? If you do, you’re wrong.
You definitely need to figure out what feels good for yourself. You can’t instruct your partner, until you know for yourself, about yourself. So if it were me, on a day where you have some time to yourself. I would go to your local sex shop. To be perfectly honest I would talk with the clerk there, and tell them that you’re looking for a good first toy for solo play. Don’t be bashful. That’s their job. It’s what they do. And also make sure you pick up the right kind of lube for your toy.
Then take it home, experiment with yourself. Make sure you set aside plenty of time. Like hours. If it doesn’t happen instantaneously, don’t get down on yourself about it. Keep trying. If you have to keep it to yourself, I understand that. It sucks, but. Keep in mind. There’s no way in hell that a man would go through life without sexual satisfaction in the way that your man apparently expects you to do. It’s honestly infuriating to me that so many men’s egos are bruised by sex toys. I had an ex like that, and it absolutely sucked.
Once you figure out what does make you orgasm, you have some options. You can try to instruct him further in a more specific way. Or, you can just spring the toy on him. Once he sees you writhing in pleasure, and actually orgasm. He’ll fucking love it. I’ve never met a guy that didn’t get off on a woman orgasming, when it’s actually happening right there with them.
He can use the toy on you. It’s actually pretty hot. That’s what I did with the first boyfriend I sprung my toy on. The first time, was incredibly awkward. I’m not going to lie. But I just had way too much sex in my life that was not satisfying. With this boyfriend, I decided I was going to do it. And I did not regret it. He didn’t take long to get off, so he would use my toy on me once he finished. I think this was helpful with the bruised ego. Because at least he could get off too, first.
He has to understand how selfish he’s being. If he really still has an issue with it, put it to him like this. Would you be willing to have sex with me all the time, if you never got to orgasm? Why is it okay for you to always be able to get off, but never me?
There are totally tools for this. It’ll be fun for both of you. It’s not just about you, OR him.
The lack of your sexual pleasure is guaranteeing that your relationship is on the fast track to a dead bedroom. And a dead relationship.
At the very least, go get that toy and start pleasuring yourself in your alone time. Unfortunately, nobody can guarantee your satisfaction but you. Stop allowing him to make the decision that you don’t get to have sexual pleasure, because every human being deserves it.
Best of luck, doll. <3