No connection vs self sabotage

4 comments

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2. If you don’t have a romantic connection with someone you can usually tell within the first few dates–this can be everything from not having enough in common, different life goals, maybe something about them bugs you too much to overlook and you don’t find them hot, overall: you’re not compatible.

   self-sabotage is more like when you do genuinely like someone and enjoy spending time with them, you like sleeping with them, etc but you don’t let yourself get too close. You end things before you get too attached, even if you don’t have much of a reason to. You go into self-protection mode ‘im better off alone’ kind of mentality. at least that’s been my experience.

3. It’s hard to tell. I am currently questioning because I have gone on 5 good dates with a man. He is the complete opposite of what had been showing up in my OLD world. He’s communicative and thoughtful and hasn’t made a physical move but has let me know he likes me. I think I feel a connection but it feels so strange to me because most other men have been quick to be physical and have been low effort. I am just trying to go with the flow and not analyze too much as it feels foreign (not super sparks but some attraction and I don’t feel anxious).

4. It’s different: when you self-sabotage you don’t allow yourself to get close to someone. You might go looking for red-flags everywhere or apply really strict nonsense-filters even though on an emotional/physical level you do like the person. Not having a connection is much more visceral: you won’t feel physically attracted and/or be viscerally turned off by something they say and/or just find them boring/unrelatable.