I’ve watched my roommate (M27) rather rapidly balloon in weight over the past 10 months. I’ve been concerned since the winter when it started to become very obvious that he had been putting on a sizeable amount of weight. He brought it up to me directly for the first time ever the other night rather casually, basically just asking if it’s obvious that he’s gained weight and if he seems to be oblivious to anything serious. Well, let me demonstrate:

I casually filmed [this video](https://imgur.com/a/iEYhSbz) of him sometime in February, when he was at least probably 30 pounds lighter than now. I saw him outside coming home from the store and couldn’t believe my eyes so I had to take a video. I was going to show him then to try to open a conversation, but decided it wasn’t my business. But I cannot believe he would go in public like this; really makes how oblivious he is very clear.

However, more recently this month (again already at least 30 pounds bigger here), he was cleaning through his closet and trying on old clothes to donate. I started to film yet another (https://imgur.com/a/4NfV4zi) of him in attempt to help him realize how dismissive he was being because he was claiming that this shirt still fit him okay enough to wear. Obviously we can all see it does not.

I think he’s finally starting to realize how out of hand his weight gain has become (which he informed me upon asking in our conversation this week that has been +100 pounds in 10 months – (https://imgur.com/a/E2Insqt) this being a screen recording of an Instagram story our mutual friend had shared of him last week, and even bigger than the prior video. He said that his doctor said there are no indicators that it’s anything health-related besides his lifestyle and diet. He doesn’t seem to realize how bad this is though and needs to be snapped out of it before it’s too late.

The most personally annoying thing is just that I know he sneaks some of my snacks and drinks when he runs out because stuff goes missing and he’s my only roommate… nothing big, but it’s still frustrating.

However, he’s still brushing off the urgency and doesn’t want to make any changes now. Can someone help him realize what’s happened to him and where he’s headed? It’s a bit sad. I want him to be convinced he needs to start changing his diet and working out, like now, and it seems like harsh reality from me isn’t enough. These video are honestly shocking (and yes he consented to me sharing these for this purpose) and I’m planning to share with him whatever you all offer here. Can anyone say something to get through to him? What can I tell him? I think he needs a dose of reality from Reddit, and I said I’d try and find it for him.

TLDR: longtime friend/roommate has gained 100 pounds in 10 months and doesn’t want to realize just how serious that is. Can you be brutally honest about what’s happened to him? What can I tell him to get him to snap out of it?

25 comments

  1. I had an uncle who went through something like this! His legs gave out, and long story short, after several surgeries and titanium implants he can barely walk a few steps per day.

  3. Put mirrors up everywhere. Put a mirror up right in front of his favorite place to sit.

  4. Did something happen 10 months ago that may have triggered this increase in eating? A change this drastic doesn’t just happen out of nowhere, Try to talk to him find out if this really is just bad habits or if there is something with mental health going on.

    “I’ve noticed in the past few months you’ve changed a lot, you’ve been ignoring your health and have gained and an unhealthy amount of weight I’m really worried for you has something been going on that you want to talk about?”

  5. It’s really tough for someone else to convince someone to do something. It has to come from
    that person. I would try to have a genuine sit down conversation with him about it and see if you can convince him it’s time for a change. As someone who has put on some belly fat recently and has been working to get it off (I’ve never had it before so it’s a big deal to me) I know how hard and scary it can be to acknowledge that you’re gaining weight in ways you don’t want.

    Personally, I didn’t know anything about weight loss because I was fortunate enough to never need it before. If you know plans then come prepared with options if you care enough. I’ve heard intermittent fasting works, as well as getting rid of complex carbs/sugars. He’s going to need to do some level of physical activity too, like walking or cardio of some kind.

  8. He’s using food as a coping mechanism or as a form of self-harm. I speak from experience in the same boat.

    There is not much you can do outside of what I can see and assume you’ve already done.
    The reality is, the change has to come from him.

    He is more than likely dealing with suicidal ideation internally on a daily or weekly basis and that leads to self harm when you don’t act on it in a more ‘obvious’ sense. Much like drugs, food is a pleasurable form of self-harm and disassociation from current pain/discomfort being held.

    He will need therapeutic and medical intervention.
    A support system and most likely medication.

    It’s no easy task to transition from this, especially if he doesn’t want to on his own accord.

  9. I had a close friend die suddenly from undiagnosed diabetes after significant weight gain due to COVID lockdowns. Her name was Tenille, she was in her twenties, happiest and kindest person you could ever hope to meet. Dropped dead on a train, no warning. We are still coping with the loss of her. If you want to share the end of her life with him to prompt him to get his health checked, that may help – all I ask is you make sure to mention that she was a truly good and kind hearted human as who she was matters more than her end

  10. Sneaking food could be a sign of him having an eating disorder, specifically binge eating? Do u tbink u can take him to see a therapist? Eating disorders won’t just get well with a reality check

  12. You’re a really nice friend for trying to help! But from the sounds your friend might need more help than you alone are able to give.

    Maybe suggest accompanying him to a doctor’s appointment to get some physical and mental health assistance. Or maybe you could recommend finding a gym or dietician to help him get some healthy habits going. Some personal trainer and weight loss programs offer exercise and nutritional packages… you guys could maybe both sign up and bond over looking after your health and encourage one another?

    Just some ideas! Look after yourself, you can’t help those who don’t want to be helped unfortunately.

  14. This could be something more serious, does he have a drinking problem? Problems with his liver or heart?

  15. this seems like one of those weird fat fetish things lmfao idk if i believe if this is genuine

  18. This level of rapid and consistent weight gain in someone young and previously quite fit is unusual. He needs to be checked by a medical doctor to exclude things like Cushing’s disease, an insulinoma, benign brain conditions. It may be a medication side effect. I’d think more severe symptoms of depression would be evident – poor self care, low activity, not working etc – before I’d call it that.

  19. This probably isn’t the case, but with how rapidly it happened and the way he gained it all in his stomach, it makes me think of those people who have “feeders” on the internet encourage them to eat and gain weight because they get off on harming others like that.

  21. > My roommate (M27) has gained a lot of weight in the past year (+100 pounds in 10 months). He refuses to accept how serious this is and is sneaking my food. He said he needs a dose of reality

    Tell him to look down.

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