My BF(28M) has receded into old patterns and I (35M) am trapped. Should I cut this loose?

Let me be clear here, I am no saint. I have my own things to work on and trust me, I am.

I have been in a relationship with my BF for close onto 10 years. We have had our ups and downs, been through a lot and came out the other side relatively unscathed. Our relationship started with a very strong connection. We gamed together, did a number of things via a long distance relationship. It finally became too much for us, so I quit my job and moved out to him. (I lived in Indiana, he lived in Washington.)

After many different issues and major life choices I made, we are finally stable with me having a full time job within the military and progressing with my life. This is where the divide has begun.

Starting with me, I have a strong emotional brain and how I deal with things deals a lot with my emotion. I look at things logically, but I tend to go with how I feel on things. If I have a distaste for something, I tend to shy away from it. (ex. watching a movie I do not wish to watch tends to lead to an argument.) I have generally changed how I treat him and try to appease his sensitive nature, but somehow my words or actions seem to be something he jumps at. I am a very loud person, ie boisterous. I rage at video games or at something that truly pisses me off, which does happen often. I have a strong attachment to my friends and family as I do not trust easily given my history. I have been cheated on, used and abused, but push past it to see the better parts of life. I have sought out help from a therapist who has been helping me get through my rage issues and I am generally a chill person until you game with me on a high stress game.

Onto him. He has had a rough go of it lately, lets just get that out of the way. He suffers from an undetermined level of PTSD from his time in the marines where he medicaled out during boot camp, but was stuck at the base for some time before he was allowed to go home. He was subjected to a lot of standard yelling and treatment from the DI’s. He was allowed to leave around close to a year. This however, was the worst of his life.

His life before was one of pampered spoiling and it returned to such when he returned home to his mother. Ever since I arrived, he showed a genuine interest in branching out of his life, but I had to fight for him to get into college or even to get a job that he said he was willing to get. I took the frustration as growing pains given he never knew what life could throw out. We bounced around and he finally got into college and stopped after getting his associates.

We currently live in a 3 bedroom apartment with a roommate and before moving in, he made the argument he should get the spare room as his own office space for school and other reasons such as he didn’t want to deal with the roommate. I agreed with the first reasoning, citing he had interest in streaming and what not to make money, so I agree. Now that he has finished school, he only sits and watches Netflix or maybe games. I had intentions with the room, but it is more about the fact he sits around and does nothing.

After he finished school, he asked about possibly being the house maid as I work full time and knows it is a pain to come home to a dirty house. I also agreed and laid out my expectations. I expected the kitchen cleaned, the rooms vacuumed once a week, bathrooms cleaned, etc. What I got was dishes done everyday, but vacuuming only happens once a month and the bathrooms much the same. I walk in to see this and when I bring it up, he yells at me and says I don’t appreciate him. He throws a full on tantrum. I literally just sit there, looking at him as he does this. I go out of my way to not insult him, yet he twists the words to what he believes I say or think. I know this is a form of manipulation, but it doesn’t work.

Next big gripe is the discussion of dinner. Whenever the subject of dinner comes up, I ask him what he wants or would like to have. I always get “food” as a response. We then argue about what we want to eat and how his answers do nothing to help figure out what to eat. His tastes are particular and hardly pays for any meals unless we do a group purchase and is forced to pay out of the possibility of household embarrassment.

Here is the biggest problem we have and I will be as vague as I can. We have a semi-open relationship. This means we do not actively seek partners, but do have relations with others from time to time. I have a rather high drive where as he does not and so I am allowed to find partners as I wish. So long as I tell him, he is ok with it in his own words. I feel genuinely bad when I ask him for intimacy as he’s said he does not enjoy it. He is more than ok without it and only gives it rarely such as a special occasion or after a really big fight. I have, however, recently found a person who matches my drive and have gotten more from them than I have with him in the past month. He knows about this and now takes issue with it because this person has been routinely been satisfying me where as he isn’t.

Before you judge that however, his view of intimacy is worship of him or touching his feet. I do not enjoy either of those, but concede to foot rubs on occasion to feel a connection. He does not enjoy others trying to get with him as he only cares for worship. When I found this person and had relations with them, he became defensive and said he did not expect me to find someone to satisfy me for this many times.

Lastly, my father has been fighting cancer for years now. It is in remission thankfully, but it still weighs heavily on my mind. My BF shows no real concern when I have rough days dealing with it, usually going to his room after saying “Sorry you’re having a rough time.”

​

All this has caused me to disconnect from him, but I do not want to end this feeling like there may be hope. This is my last stop before I pull the cord and start this powder keg. I hold no real care other than I do have feelings still, but they do not feel strong enough to continue.

​

TL;DR: My BF was a spoiled kid and returned to it after returning to his mother from the military, grew up a little bit, then returned to being a spoiled brat once I started earning more money. What should I do?