I am currently in my first wlw relationship with a girl I met in college. I have dated people before in mi life, but only men and in monogamous terms. Of course everything has been new to me, and the dating process has been actually wonderful for me. How did I end up thinking about an Open Relationship?
It all started when we were watching a series in which there were people in non-monogamous relationships, and that’s why I popped a question that would change everything: “Would you platonically have an Open Relationship?” I asked to her while we watched. “Yes.” She responded without hesitation. I laid there thinking about what has just happened. Then I started to think about other conversations we had had in the past, and noticing that she had been in every scenario a 0% jealous about anything and even extremely uninterested in my sexual and romantic life before her.
I have many times asked her questions about her past, not being jealous or anything, but at least interested. I would like to add that she hasn’t been with anyone besides me, and has kissed very few people throughout her whole life (20 years). She is also an introvert, and struggles to take the first step or any step when being attracted to someone. Me on the other side am an extrovert, have dates several times before her, and have kissed a lot of people also. This being said my intention is not to brag, but to put in context my confusion when knowing that she would very much like be interested in an Open Relationship. The other day I formally asked her if se would really be into having an open relationship with me. She said yes again. This caused me more confusion than I thought it would. I don’t understand what would she be winning, like she didn’t almost kiss other people without me, why would she want to have the choice now? So said to her that currently I don’t know if I would want to stop being monogamous, but that I would think about it.
Am I the asshole for thinking that it would be a win-win for me, and not her? Am I comfortable with this possibility only because deep inside I selfishly believe she won’t be getting more attractive people than me?
Am I doing this to know if there is a chance she might for once be jealous?
3 comments
Question: What exactly does ““Would you platonically have an Open Relationship?” even mean?
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I think you’re overthinking. She keeps saying yes and you keep not respecting her answer, nor do you probe further. If she’s ok with an open relationship but doesnt want to see other people, that doesnt mean she has to “win” something, she might just be ok with you dating another person or hooking up on the side. She doesn’t necessarily lose either.
If you genuinely believe deep inside that they won’t end up with more attractive people, you’re setting yourself up for disaster.
You’d be surprised at how many different options introverts and some people can get. And they often end up having some meaningful connections, so if you’re the jealous type who’d only do it thinking that you’re the one who’ll moatly benefit, I highly advise against this.
As a long term poly male, I’ve seen this disaster story happen many times.
Just ask her why. The less time you spend on games, the less time you waste.