To preface this: I am not offended at people thinking I’m gay, because it’s not offensive. I wouldn’t care at all, except for the fact that whenever I meet a woman I like she just assumes I’m gay, so there’s never any chemistry.
I’m funny, I hold a conversation well, I know people like to talk with me. I get along with women very easily, no different to how I do with anyone else, I don’t get weird around them or fixate on their “womanness”. I think I’m getting somewhere with a woman I like, and then I find out “oh, I thought you were gay”.
I never get flirted with. I thought I knew how to flirt, but maybe I don’t.
36 comments
What makes them think you are gay?
Have you tried being gay?
Don’t change, just make it clear off the bat your straight. You don’t have to hide your personality to seem straight.
There are women who are into more “flamboyant” men that are straight. Also wanted to add that you might want to think long and hard before you make any decision about changing that about yourself.
But at the end of the day it’s up to, there’s people out there for literally every kind of person.
Just ask, Why they think this way about you.
“I’ll show you how gay I am”
Any advice or resources on how to flirt? Preferably not from from puas or toxic masculinity?
From what I’ve seen to not “come off as gay” hence why “most” women like the “assholes” is to be an “asshole”?
Is it cos of your Sarcasm? Like Chandler in Friends.
I read your replies and it’s pretty clear that you just act feminine. You need to hold a masculine frame. Still, calm, sturdy, don’t express a lot of facial expressions. Speak with a deep, slow and clear voice. Problem solved.
Edit: why am i getting downvoted. what part was bad advice in my comment?
Flirting = joking change my mind
These are women trying to emarginate men.
Take a voice recording of yourself. There are feminine and masculine voice speech patterns that we subconsciously follow. Secondly, your posture and body language are very influential as well. Women love to talk with their hands. Not saying that men do not, but how you hold your hands when your talking can definitely give off the « vibes » that Im hearing you referring to.. not that you need to change but if you’re looking for something that could be modified to give off a different indication than you are meaning to, those are some small but powerful tools to be aware of
Also – some girls actually prefer feminine men, so don’t try to change who you are for some silly girl.
Do you have submissive body language? Like the classic ‘limp wrist’ cliche stereotype from 90s tv show jokes about gay people- that’s actually submissive body language.
The only other thing I can think of is that maybe you are just good looking, so women just assume you are gay?
Ur a tom girl of a guy and what that means is u know tomboy girls well this is the opposite but with guys.as for there treating u idk but I’m getting strong asexual vibes from ya my dude so u might want to think about it
I used to get this all the time. And for the same reasons; I was never sexually aggressive in any way around women.
I explicitly remember when “flirting” clicked. I was at a bar and a girl sat next to me and started talking. At one point she asked me what I was drinking. I told her and then she asked me for a sip.
I pretended to hand her my drink like I was gonna let her take a sip and then dramatically pulled away saying “SIKE” and took a sip myself. It was like some feeling lit up in her eyes. Not quite “omg I want to fuck” but like I had pushed the dial in that direction.
Anyway, when I started incorporating light/obviously irreverent teasing/trolling (for want of a better word) I started getting the gay thing a lot less.
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I completely understand the issue, but pls don’t change who you are because of narrow-minded stereotypes!
Small storytime that I hope will help you:
I(22F) dated a guy recently with a “flamboyant” and stereotypical gay behavior. And I must admit that I questioned his sexuality at first.
But we hit it off very well and once he started flirting a little (lots of eye contact, smiling, compliments etc) and I got “confirmation” that he was in fact not gay, I found his “flamboyance” extremely sexy, because it made him seem 100% confident and real.
I usually like taking things slow with dating, so I was very surprised to say the least when we ended up making out on the first date… (this was also the first time meeting him irl). I never thought it was possible for me to feel this amount of attraction to someone just after talking to them for a few hours….
so yeah I guess my advice is maybe try flirting more??
I think the “problem” is that most women just aren’t used to seeing straight men being confident enough to act out their “feminine” side maybe? At least that was the case for me.
The thing is, if you change some of these things about yourself just to get a girl interested in you, if you end up really liking the girl and want to continue seeing her, I have to think that your old mannerisms will begin to come through again at some point when you become more comfortable with her, and that could lead to her feeling duped/losing interest.
My now bf used to think I was a lesbian. I was immediately friend zoned when we first met. Of course, the guy perceived me as a lesbian lol. A few years later when we reconnected, he didn’t think so at all.
My appearance was the only thing that changed. I went from presenting pretty masculine – short hair, no make up, men’s clothes – to presenting relatively feminine – a bit of make up, longer hair, tighter clothes. Basically nothing else changed, apart from the few years of growing up that happened in the meantime.
My bet is it’s your appearance. You don’t have to change it a lot, just make it a bit more neutral.
If your appearance is not at all ambiguous, then I’m guessing you seem too friendly and comfortable around women, and you have a “feminine” way of expressing yourself – you speak more than your average guy, or your tone of voice is higher, or you talk about subjects that are perceived as feminine. The sentence “wow you look gorgeous” can be perceived as flirting and as a “gay best friend” compliment.
This sounds horribly bigoted, but it’s just the way it is in our society. I hope you find somebody who gets your vibe!
Honestly all I do is show real interest, ask questions and honestly tell people what I like about them or that I actually like them.
lol same, but probably for different reasons (might be the skirt xd)
Consider working this into an early conversation. “My coworker tried to set me up with her guy friend—it turns out she thought I was gay! Ha ha, isn’t that funny? I was like, nope I’m straight as an arrow! I wonder why she thought that? So anyway, it was nice of her to think of me.”
Or, “my ex-girlfriend got me into that band.”
Just figure out how to insert your straightness into the conversation naturally somehow, sooner than later.
Women used to think I was gay when I was at uni – was good looking, didn’t flirt, preferred talking with women than men. But no, am straight, don’t know how to flirt, women are more interesting, is all. Not quite so pretty these days.
just tease women in a playful way, watch Craig Ferguson interviews and you’ll understand
You just have a…quality.
Ballroom dancing is great, like 30 women to 3 men. Dress well, be nice. You’ll get a hit.
Do you tend to flirt with women you don’t know, like at a bar, or does this happen with women you know like at work or in a friend group? It’s possible that the types of women who would be attracted to you or wouldn’t assume your sexuality are just not the same women you flirt with. I can tell you that I love feminine men as a queer feminine person, but I pretty much never go to bars, you would probably find me LARPing or at a convention or something because I’m nerdy. My blanket recommendation for people who struggle to find love is to look in other places; try finding a hobby group or class (like a hiking group or a group that does a craft or activity together).
OMG Chandler?
Work on body language and masculinity
I know a guy like that :/
Just ask them out sooner than later
People with autism spectrum disorders are often mistaken for being gay due to their mannerism and the way they move and walk
How often
Go to the gym. It will give you confidence and help you become more aware of your muscles. This will naturally change how you carry yourself and thus how women (and all other people) perceive you.
Would you consider yourself as someone who is unashamed about their sexuality? Do you feel creepy and guilty when you even think about making moves on a woman?
Maybe the issue is you’re attractive but seemingly have no interest in women. Because you are attractive, people don’t even think you could have low self esteem. So the “obvious” conclusion is that you’re gay.