I’m unsure if this is genius or stupid.
My own mental health has always been an enigma to me, but lately I’ve been trying to fix some of my bigger flaws on a more conscious level. That brings me to this subreddit, which I hope will bring me many insightful responses.
Being an avid gamer, I find myself having a jolly good time trash talking with my friends over any game we play together. At least, at first. Then I usually get upset and ruin the fun.
The thing about me is I’ve been diagnosed with fragile depression, which is basically a fancy medical way of saying I’m sensitive and slightly grumpier than most. This can, unfortunately, cause me to grow legitimately angry at the flip of a dime via taking something personally, even if everyone around me is still being playful.
I realize this isn’t a situation specific to me and it’s quite common, however with me it’s become a recurring problem, and a big one at that. I take things too personally, and even in knowing this on a logical/conscious level, I dont know how to shut off/control my anger/ignore my feelings of being legitimately disrespected when I do inevitably get upset.
So that’s where you guys (hopefully) come in.
I guess my question is: When I do get angry or upset, what is the best thing to tell/remind myself in order to brush it off? This applies to everything from getting angry inappropriately while gaming/playful banter woth friends to more justifiable anger such as a stranger outright disrespecting me. What, if anything, should I keep in mind to keep my cool?
5 comments
Why not ask the mental health professionals who diagnosed you what you can do about it?
>When I do get angry or upset, what is the best thing to tell/remind myself in order to brush it off?
Acceptance.
Often times, the anger we feel is a response to not wanting to accept the situation.
However, accepting that we are angry and simply acknowledging it rather than being mad that we’re angry, can sometimes help snuff out that fire.
It takes practice. It’s mindfulness, really.
I know when I “tilt”, or “lose my cool”, at that point it’s like a switch has been flipped and it’s already too late. The best I can do is recognize that I’m salty, bite my lip and minimize my talking, then politely make up an excuse to my friends to dip after that last video game. Basically, I have found any effort to “instantly undo” anger has been really, really tough, even though it’d be quite convenient. I think it’s just not how the chemical works in our brains, it’s like a tub has been filled and I slowly have to let it drain.
That being said- I have found a lot of success in *preventing* anger! I’m an avid gamer too, so I can tell you some breakthroughs I made.
1. Learn what makes you mad specifically, so you can plan ahead. For me, it’s losing like 3-4 games in a row, I’ve played for 1.5 hours straight, having someone get mouthy in all chat *and* they beat me, any time I argue back with someone in all chat, etc. This way, you can take a break or dip for the day before you ever reach a point of salt.
2. Learn ways to redirect your thinking. For me, this meant asking myself a question: if I HAD to choose, would I rather win and be stressful, or lose and have less stress? Often times people who are talking shit may have a point to make, but they’re also being rude ass holes about it- so you have to decide whether you want to listen to them while suffering their personal insults, or just tone them out and only take in what doesn’t bother you. Once I decided on the latter, my response to any game where my teammates are being assholes is just to instantly mute them without telling them I’ve done so. If I feel like we’re losing I just accept the loss, try to set some new goal for myself (how accurate can I be in this FPS? How few deaths can I have in this MOBA?), maybe see if there’s some lesson I can have learned from the game to improve, and do what I can without mentally committing myself too much. I also don’t do ranked match making anymore.
3. See if you have biological factors. I think anger is also heavily influenced by simple things- like are you hungry? Are you tired? I know for me I had blood pressure issues as well, and having too much of my ADHD medicine or caffeine could also make me angrier quicker. Taking care to address those things can help some.
Overall I think the previous poster has a good idea, cause everyone’s situation is unique. Much of my stuff may not be able to apply to you. Best of luck either way!
You should consider looking into whether you have ADHD.
You can’t really shut off your anger once you’ve already gotten angry, but you can still avoid doing the damage to yourself and those around you by not acting on it. So when it hits, shut the fuck up.