I’ve been in my current job for a month now, and it is female dominated. It’s a big group, and we work as a team sometimes, but mostly by ourselves. We have morning tea and lunch breaks together in the lunch room, and that’s where most the banter is.
So while at first most if not all of the people there were friendly, I’ve found that they are becoming stand-off ish. One has even gone as far as ignoring my presence. The others have that fake tone in their responses to my questions.
As a result, I don’t talk much anymore. I did chime into the convos, but I learnt it’s better to stay quiet.
This has happened at two previous workplaces, and one even went as far as talking about me and quickly nudging each other, shutting up when I walked past. People just suddenly turn cold, and I feel like one person spreads the word, then they change one by one.
I don’t know what the problem is. I don’t badmouth anyone, mention religion, politics, heavy topics, debate anything, etc.
It makes it really uncomfortable to come into work. I have depression and anxiety but don’t feel the need to let everyone know. What can I do?
3 comments
I experience the same. People take it personally when you don’t engage with them like everyone else does, you stick out. To them they’re just returning the favor. I tried to be polite to but i think internal anxiety causes people in the workplace to think you dislike them it’s impossible for them to know that you’re experiencing that.
I’m not sure whether this is your situation, but I feel like there can sometimes be a self-fulfilling prophecy for some people who can perceive neutrality as coldness/negativity, which can affect their own response back (making that colder/more aloof/distant), resulting in a feedback loop. It can seem worse if you’re not especially the loudest or friendliest either, and more reserved, because people will generally mirror that back too.
Im cold towards people I dont think are competent…I dont know if thats true for other people