A few weeks ago, Tim, my boyfriend, and I went to a party/get-together at a cabin on the lake. Later in the evening, my boyfriend ends up chilling at the fire pit with a few guys. I end up going inside the cabin with most of the people.
Tim later came to me and ranted about this cool guy he just met and told me I know him since we are friends on facebook. I gently told him that he is my ex. My boyfriend immediately went quiet and was awkward all night.
Over the few weeks, he would start to have a random outburst or go into depression and think he’s not good enough for me and all that. He has been really comparing himself with my ex and it is seriously pissing me off!
Yes! I know my ex is for lack of the best word “bad mofo” But he’s an ex for a fucking reason! Yes, he may have a very interesting and exciting life but he’s a broken person. He absolutely cannot function in normal society at all! I was his longest relationship (and he was gone out of the country more than half of the two years we were together)
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He has extremely poor financial management! For example, he has worn second-hand clothes he picks up in some third-world market, a $10K watch, $600 sunglasses, and his boots held together by tape while trying to pay for something with diamonds because he has no cash and maxed out on credit and owe bank money while his mailbox is stacked with overdue bills! He could easily have tens of thousands in the bank one month and then owe a bunch of people (including some really shady people) tons of money the next! NOT something I want to ever deal with again!
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My uncle has tried to get him a job which went really bad because my ex has no real reliable job history since he was 23 as a smoke jumper! My ex just has a huge list of people he has worked for or an unheard-of tiny foreign organization he has worked for and many of them are just random oversea numbers. My ex thinks that he can bring pictures of various things he has done as a job as proof!
Lastly, I really don’t know all that much about him! I know some of what he did such as anti-poaching, helping with supplement airdrop, photographer, etc… But many times he’d say something that make me really question if I really know him or downright uncomfortable!
I tried to explain this to Tim. Tim thinks he is boring because he has a normal job and life. This is what I want! If I want my ex, I’d have never left him!
Tldr; My boyfriend met my ex and now thinks he’s not good enough for me!
1 comment
When I had a partner who obsessed over how much better than him all of my exes were, how they were all better *for* me – including the one who raped me, which was a nice thing to hear (/s) – it ended up being a self-fulfilling prophecy, because the constant reassurance he needed, wore me down to such a degree, I was in treatment for stress-induced depression for nearly two years.
Your ex is indeed an ex for a reason. Tell your bf once or twice, and none of those details, but after that, refuse to entertain it. He can get therapy for his insecurity, or he can join the loser he thinks is so cool in your exes club.
I know it sounds harsh, but caving to his sudden anxiety will validate it and make it grow worse. Don’t make my mistake.