So my (24nb) partner (24m) talks a lot with his hands and is usually pretty animated when he talks, which I’ve always kind of liked and thought was really endearing. However, he has a tendency to point at me when we’re talking, especially when we’re talking about us or our relationship (7 months long).
I’ve never really liked the pointing since it makes me feel very *talked at* or like there’s somehow blame or directionality or some other asymmetry coming into the conversation that doesn’t need to be there. We’ve talked about it once, and he agreed to try and work on not doing that but it’s still a thing and it’s still making me uncomfortable.
Part of me is trying to just get over it and not let it bother me, but I’ve noticed that I’ve started to have an almost physical response to it where I can feel my anxiety heightening when he points at me. Obviously, I’m entitled to my boundaries and whatnot, but I feel bad repeatedly asking him to work on this. It’s such a small behavior, and I’m not sure as to why this bothers me so much, but I can’t figure out in my head if this is something that’s worth really trying to work on or if I should just get over it.
I guess the question then is if this is even a valid or worthwhile thing to pursue or if anyone else has had a similar situation or dynamic? I should say though that we have a lovely relationship and we love each other very much, we just have very different communication styles that we’re trying to work on in different ways.
**TLDR :: Partner tends to physically point at me when we’re talking, despite me voicing that this makes me uncomfortable. Is this something that’s worth trying to bring up again?**
2 comments
I hated it when my partner would point in the car. When he was pointing on my side of the car, his hand would be in front of my face if pointing to our right. I would flinch and he didn’t notice. So I started grabbing his hand and moving it away from my face, and saying “are you pointing for me or for you?” After several times, it worked.
I guess I’m saying it’s a physical habit. Respond physically, maybe he will get it.
Would it help to hold hands while you’re talking about your relationship? It stops the pointing but keeps y’all connected, literally, and you could start before he starts pointing so that you can physically (gently) stop him before he gets to the actual pointing. Also, no, it’s not unreasonable to bring this up – feeling safe when communicating with your partner is really important!