So I have struggled with confidence and self expression my entire life. I went to a very strict religious school where I was constantly bullied and humiliated because of the way I looked, spoke and expressed myself. I was too hurt and embarrassed to tell my parents about what was really going on. Im also an only child and was surrounded by midwestern adults who believed children should be seen not heard. I never felt comfortable in my own skin, or had a safe place to express myself unless I was alone. Around others (children and adults) I was always viewed as different or weird and it made me feel as if something was wrong with me. I felt as if I had to win others over by being perfect, obedient and submissive. As an young adult I understand that this rigid background resulted in my difficulty for self confidence and creative self expression.
Now I live in LA, am getting my MFA and have attempted to be a content creator as a sort of side hustle. My issue is when I go to make a video, podcast, or even a simple thumbnail, I become so nervous and internally uncomfortable. For example when I post a video or podcast episode, my heart rate increases and sometimes my head will start hurting. I get so anxious. This also happens when I see that no-one is watching my content. Sometimes even when I practice drawing I feel like this. I want to learn how to express myself with ease, but whenever I have these intense reactions, I feel like Im doing something wrong, or like I should not be feeling this way. It feels like Im paralyzed and I don’t really have anyone in my life who understands this feeling.
Can someone explain why I feel like this and how I can calm myself down? I would love a logical answer. I am tired of having these internal battles with myself, and I think I have gotten better at pushing through but how can I console myself when the horrible emotions come up? How do I fight back against this mindset?
Any advice, information, personal stories or resources would be much appreciated. Thank you so much.
3 comments
Do you like punk music?
It’s all about lowering the stakes.you are feeling anxious cause everything feels like it’s way more intense than it really is.
Good thought exercise would be to try to picture someone else doing what you are about to do, if it seems much less daunting then try to keep that in mind as you go about it.
As long as you keep being anxious, you will end up acting that way. People will notice and feel that vibe coming from you. People notice the way you carry yourself and the vibes you give off. When you are nervous/anxious/overthinking/worrying about who you are and what you are, your verbal and nonverbal actions tend to show it. If you keep acting this way, people will stop associating with you because it’s a negative vibe. You are essentially conveying that you are indeed unworthy to hold a conversation with them or be around them and that they need to be constantly reassuring you. That’s not what you want to convey, and it’s nobody else’s job but your own to validate and reassure yourself. People gravitate towards self confidence, not anxiety.
Go out and Genuinely connect with people in real life e.g. ask how they are, their hobbies, interests, goals, opinions, etc. Listen and pay attention to what people say. Share those things about yourself when asked. People also subconsciously attach you to the value you bring. The value you bring is a clear, unique, and convincing reason why people will interact with you, let alone do so constantly. So Find ways to add value to their lives. Having In person interactions is the easiest way to stand out from countless people who text or message. People remember and favor in person interactions because of the positive vibes. If your hobbies, skills, talents align with their interests or can help them, bring it up and offer to help them. Finally, learn how to be genuinely busy in your life pursuing your goals and hobbies, while interacting with people on the side. People are hardwired to be repulsed by neediness and desperation and instead gravitate towards those who are self confident and well rounded in life. They want to see active confirmation of you actually doing something in your life other than just talking to them. So chase excellence, not people.