How do I approach this? Is it even salvageable?

Throwaway since she frequently browses reddit and i just don’t want to take the chance of her seeing my username and making out its me. TLDR AT BOTTOM

I’ve been with this girl since 2016. I met her at the time when she was starting her sophomore year in college. I would pick her up or she would come over whenever she had a break, instead of going to her parents. She wasnt my first, but I was her first. We got along and i loved having her around, but we always had our fair share of mental problems, especially me. Insecure, angry, i would always shit myself in my room when something goes bad. I used video games as an outlet for this stuff, completely disregarding her. Whenever we would argue it was ugly but only cause i made it like that. For example, we would be playing a competitive game and i would turn hella toxic for her making a simple mistake. It really got to her and i never apologized for my behavior and just said something along the lines of “well don’t be stupid next time.”
This carried on for a couple years. She would always put in the effort, but i didn’t reciprocate because in my head, i had this girl in the bag. Shit we even moved in together with some roommates and shared a room. I wouldn’t ever help around the house or come out to parties, was always playing video games while they were happening. Her birthday and anniversary always got rough, i always gave her a tough time for no particular reason other than being a dick. She was always cooking, always cleaning, always the one planning the dates. Eventually i broke up with her because i felt she could do so much better than me, and i thought i would never change. Shit that lasted for a week and then we got back together.. in a way. We then move to our current house with the same roommates, and it was around here where it took a turn for the worst. Things carried on as usual but she eventually gave up. She figured i wasn’t gonna change and will always be this immature brat in her life so she started trying to do her own thing, without my permission knowledge. Eventually, at around dec 2021 i believe, I had a change of heart and started to appreciate her. I decided to get my head out of my ass and start doing things. I was helping around the house, cleaning up after myself and her mess without her asking me to, I wasn’t closing myself in my room and videogames, got her some flowers around valentine’s day because she always asked for it on that day of the year. Around April of this year, we basically got into an argument because I haven’t heard her say she loves me in a long time. She started breaking it down to me, and it was hurtful. The change wasn’t fast enough and she already fell out of love, that we should move on. I guess something clicked in me because i asked her to give me time and I’ll show her that i could be better and to be the one she wants. She agreed, but believes it’s in our best efforts to move on because she doesn’t know if she can ever love me again.. She still likes me around and as a person but it’s been a while since she felt a spark. She gave me the opportunity so … It’s been 3 months, but I finally took her to nice expensive date, finally gave her the birthday she deserved, and i finally got her things to wear around. However this is bare minimum shit. I can’t help but break down sometimes because i know it’s not all there, and she fucking HATES it when I do that, cause it brings her mood down too and she says the same shit, that she doesn’t love and doesn’t think she will. Last week she sent me something like this..
She wants someone who is career driven, who is well educated, has muscles and can do things by himself
She feels like she’s been held back all those years and resents me for it.
She feels like we’re at different stages in our life.

She has every right to feel this way, however i can’t help but feel confused. This woman still brings me to her family dinners, where her parents think her and i are still good? When she gets to know a female friend, they ask about me and she says that’s my boyfriend, or when she gets hit on by a guy on the street, she says she has a boyfriend. We still have regular sex, still go out and do things, and she holds and hugs me because i like it. However whenever my feelings come out about this, she gets annoyed and just lays it out on me. We’re were legit aboutta go to couples therapy just this week but agreed to cancel it, for me because I believed we could work through it together, but for her.. I’m not sure, and i don’t think i want to ask haha..

I’m writing this today because i feel this is not good for my mental health. I’ve been waking up for 2 months now with nightmares that come from this relationship, i break down almost every week in thought of this, but i also feel like i DESERVE this and this pain is what I should go through. I don’t want her to feel like i just did this out of breaking up but it’s REALLY the trigger that happened, and I’m shaken up from doing all these things that I’m not sure will help. I’m going to the gym, working towards my career, hanging out with her and the roommates a lot more, don’t play video games at ALL, and all around being nicer. These are things that I should be doing for me but i can’t help or shake the feeling that something bad will happen in a day, weeks, months, or year. How can I be more confident and assure myself that this will work? Truly, i want this girl to be my wife and I want to give her everything she deserves, and am actively pursuing said goal. She’s not the type to go out and cheat, or the type to lead someone on but this is definitely leading me on.. we had another talk today because I was breaking down and she told me the same shit…what do I do reddit?

TLDR: Major dick for about 5 years to SO and after 6 years SO wants to break up and move on but I don’t, and I’m actively pursuing to fixing us. Is it worth it?