Welcome to /r/dating_advice. Please use this weekly venting/celebration thread to get something off your chest, good or bad, without asking for or offering concrete advice. All individual venting or ranting threads will be removed and directed here.
Remember our [rules](https://www.reddit.com/r/dating_advice/about/rules/), be sure to include ages and genders if you need help with a specific situation.
Please report any rule violations using the report button.
13 comments
I have a weekly rant I’d like to share. I am not judging anyone, and mental health is a crisis, but here is what I have experienced:
What’s with all the mental health issues and people claiming that no one will ever love them? 90% of the dating advice questions reference how people suffer from extreme anxiety or depression or unsure if they are even able to have a serious relationship.
When did mental health problems become so prevalent? Is mental health just an easy way to excuse a horrible personality? Or is it used as a fall back if things go south…”you knew I suffered from anxiety.” Do these people actually see a psychologist or do they self diagnose, but never seek out professional help?
So it begs the question, do you get involved with someone with extreme anxiety and hope they don’t flake out on you? Do you avoid people with mental health issues? How can you actually help these people if they don’t have the financial resources to see a counselor or refuse to get help?
I(24M) went on a date with a girl(25F) I barely spoke with beforehand last night. I got to meet her on a night out with mutual friends and she seemed quite smart and polite (on top of being really cute) but due to seat arrangements we only spoke while walking from pub to pub so I wasn’t able to get a contact from her.
Fast forward two weeks and I’ve now gone out with the same friends group two more times but she was busy in both and couldn’t attend. In the meantime I played cool and got to talk to some of her girl friends, added a few of them on IG to exchange memes and nudged them into knowing I wanted to see her again. After a few days IG suggests me her profile due to the now several mutual friends (I’m mostly inactive on IG so just a few new friends make you skyrocket in my suggestions).
*enter panic mode*: what the Hell do I do? Do I text her after TWO WEEKS when we barely talked on a profile she didn’t share with me? She could’ve just forgotten about me…
I sit on it about a day and then decide to shoot my shot: my follow is quickly reciprocated. We talk about hobbies for a bit, share some witty observations about one another, Sunday is aproaching so I ask if she’s free, she says yes, ask if she wants to hang out, another yes.
We went to a pub, then watched a movie and then dancing to a club where the friends group was waiting, fantastic time, she went from a smart film expert to a WILD dancer. Overall, one of the best dates I’ve had even if we were basically strangers.
This is not how I roll, like at all, I take my time usually to know someone and figure out if we share interests and stuff, but this went so smoothly I can’t help but tell y’all to take your chances (as long as it’s in a friends context, you know the drill with the polite waiter/cashier).
[deleted]
How can I stop overthinking texts?
Met a guy Friday night, great (in my opinion) date. I messaged the next day for another date and he said yes, I asked for his number and he gave it to be straight away, I texted and he took 7 hours to respond, then messaged me to and fro for a while with instant responses. Responded to me today instantly, I replied and 5 hours later still waiting…
Not sure whether to take this as lack of interest. I just wish guys would be clear about their interest.
Why do guys ghosts you but still watch and likes your stories on instagram?
So I (29 F) hooked up with this guy (26 M) a few months back at a conference. We both knew it was a one time thing and we both live in different cities so ofcourse nothing would have worked out anyway but we did exchange our numbers and instagram handle. We kept on a talking for a while, not deep conversations per say but there was some form of exchange almost everyday. It was mostly funny memes, banter with a mix of sexual puns. About a month an a half into it, i decided to ask him why he kept talking to me because I didn’t want to get emotionally attached with someone who probably doesn’t feel that way.
Although the response was not what I would have liked, I thought that would be the end of it and stop taking up my mental space. But this guy kept sending me memes everyday and would try to initiate conversation. The other day he drunk texted me and I engaged in a conversation with him. The next day he apologized for his messages and I ofcourse gave out a chill attitude which is expected out of you in situations like this.
It’s been 2 days and we haven’t spoken since. I don’t understand men. What am I supposed to make out of it? Is this how breadcrumbing works? Could use a guys opinion.
Also thank you for listening to my rant!
This guy said some of the nicest things anyone has ever said to me and made me feel so special only to lose interest and ghost 24 hours later. why do people do this lol
Went out with a coworker a couple times last month and going well. We were set to go on a hike last Thursday, her mom got covid so we postponed to this week. Shes negative but just in case we hold off. She has been super distant in responding to texts this weekend, not sure what happened. Still nothing from her, from a text sent on Sunday and follow up sent today. UUUUGGGGHHHHHHHHHHHH
I have been on really good terms with my friend after a brief period of her feeling bad. Shes been back to her old self and is really open to texting me more frequently. I even got her a great Birthday Gift (a card, some money and me playing Happy Birthday on guitar). She’s on a vacation but she told me she’ll be back home tomorrow and will be free for the week. And I thought with my own schedule being wittled down it would be a perfect time to hang out. I’m just worried that asking after have gotten her that gift will look as though I want a reward or something.
When I’m reality we’ve hung out once and have had fun. She seemed open to hanging out again and even agreed to the place I picked but when brought up she seems aloof. And I’ve assumed that she’s just down. She hasn’t hung out with anyone else. And she mentioned she might have manic BPD.
So yeah I want to talk with her about this but I don’t know how without being accusatory or cheapening my gift.
I (20F) really liked this girl and she liked me too. We’ve been talking for a month but as time has gone on I see that she’s not the girl for me and she probably has underlying emotional issues. I broke it off with her but I’m just really upset because it feels like my relationships never work and I know there’s some inner work I need to do. I don’t know what to do or how to do it. And this girl is crazy so I’m a little scared of what she might do. Romantically I’ve been at such a low and I feel so stupid for letting this girl into my life and thinking she’s the one. I don’t think I’ll be dating for awhile
I (21M) went out on a date went out with this girl (23F) we’ve been talking for a little while and I don’t really know how to feel about it. It was good, I drove about an hour and 15 to see her we got brunch, I helped her cook for her church small group, and we cuddled and watched the office for a bit. I just can’t read her and she hasn’t been responsive to my texts today, but she has been snapping me which has made me super anxious. Since, I was starting to like her, the no text has made me just feel bummed even though I do know she is busy, I feel like if you wanted to you could, and she could respond if she wanted to. However, it just feels good to get everything out there and move on, and just hope it’s positive and expect the worst out of this
I (23M) started talking to a guy (22M) on a dating app. We had some really good conversations over the first couple days and moved it to Snapchat. We weren’t able to meet up because he had two trips planned to visit different family members. He was really into astrology and determined that there was a “50/50” chance we would work out. He assured me he was gonna meet me after he got back from the 2nd trip, followed up about what we were gonna do for our first date (we had talked about several things that would be fun). The other night, we talked a bit, we shared some audio messages for the first time (he said my voice was cute), I flirted with him a but and the last couple things I said were
Me: “This probably sounds lame but I hope I like you.”
Him: “I do too.”
Me: “How much are you into romance?”
…
Me: “Ok I’ll sleep now gn.”
A bit after I sent that, I got the notification that he was typing, then he stopped typing without sending a message.
The next day I had saw he deleted me off everything.
I (27F) went on what I thought was a lovely date with a guy (24M) last week, and he even asked to meet up again. For a week, we were texting back and forth after this date, and it really seemed like he was enthusiastic and interested. After all, he kept saying he was and how he wanted to see me again. I asked what he was looking for, and he said a long-term relationship prioritizing friendship and an emotional bond before anything else so there’s a solid foundation and nothing feels forced or stiff. Then he ranted about today’s culture of porn and media setting wildly unrealistic expectations about what the development of a healthy relationship looks like, and peoples’ tendency on dating apps to put in as little effort as possible or to immediately move on to the next option if things aren’t *perfect* on the first date. He said today’s culture views every potential partner as disposable, even if one is attracted to them and they’re compatible, just because there’s got to be something *better* just past the horizon. Nobody takes time to actually establish that connection; people just dip the minute they have to put in any effort. People spend years and years repeating this pattern, hopping from one person to the next, never actually taking the time to get to know each other or establish anything real, and he said that’s messed up. I was sat here, thinking “ok, cool, we’re on the same page”. Yay.
What do you think happens next? I woke up to a text in the middle of the night this AM canceling date 2, saying he doesn’t want to move further, and he’s attracted to me physically and thinks I’d make someone an excellent gf, he just wants to find a *better fit*. “There are so many unknowns”, he said about trying to start something with me; I have no idea wtf that means, he just mentioned he doesn’t know me very well and can’t yet imagine being in a relationship with a total stranger… which, I mean, is fine because I wasn’t asking him to be in a relationship at all and he’s a stranger to me too. We were going on a second date, not getting married. Anyway, I asked him how he would know if someone’s a good fit or how he plans to go from mutual attraction/strangers to establishing an emotional bond or a relationship, and he’s like “going on several dates with them to really get a feel because I don’t really have a good idea after just one”. I… sir, did we not literally just talk about this? Are you telling me this in the same breath as you canceling date 2 because *checks notes* I’m too much of a stranger? You won’t get to know me because you don’t yet know me well? Is… is… that not the point? Oh, THEN, he told me how he’s been on a string of dead-end dates for years and years but god, he wishes he could just find a nice girlfriend already because he’s been single so long.
Idk if he psyched himself out or what, but I guess the trash took itself out? What the fuck was that, lmao