I (F31) always wait a while in between partners and I fear its a bit too long(9 months). When I finally put myself out there I am way to quick getting to that part of things as it has been way too long. Does it make you more desirable to wait untill the second or third date? Any tips on self control?
36 comments
It’s your life and your call. Don’t let popular opinion change what you feel is right.
Casual one nighters are common and its ok but you go at your pace and try not to worry so much its not 6th grade thinking lvl.
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OP when you have sex with a man doesn’t make you more or less desirable. That is completely up to how the man values certain traits in a woman.
There really isn’t anything you can do in that area. Just decide whether or not sleeping with him is something you are okay doing.
I’d prefer to wait a little while before jumping right into sex. But I am a bit odd, I actually need to have some sort of connection/feelings for a woman otherwise I have a harder time performing.
Not love, I think I need to feel like they are someone I have some semblance of respect for.
Having sex on the first date never led to long relationships in my experience. But if the guy pushes you to do this and then loses his interest in you, it says a lot more about him than about you.
Pretty much every date I’ve ever been on we had sex the first night and not a single one lasted very long. Easy come easy go. Don’t be afraid to do it you’r way. I can relate to taking time between partners and while it may lead to less overall fun I firmly believe in the importance of working through your issues and feelings. A girl who just broke up with me and I talked yesterday and she asked why I can’t just disassociate like a normal person… that’s what you get when you can’t handle solitude, an inability to deal with your problems in a healthy way
Don’t do it because you feel pressured into doing it, but also don’t not do it because you feel pressured to not do it.
Basically there are no rules, just do what feels right for you at the time.
Honestly do what makes you comfortable and don’t just do something because everyone else is doing it.
My current and previous LTR started with sex after on first date. I think that if you’re emotionally okay to hookup with no expectations then it doesn’t make you less desirable. I think there’s this rumor out there that if you give it up too quick, then a guy won’t stay because it was “too easy”. And I don’t think that’s true at all. The ones who ditch you right after sex, were probably going to ditch you no matter what—they may last a little longer in your life waiting to get in your pants. While the nice guys who really like you, will just continue to date and like you regardless of the sex! Just recognize your own boundaries and be safe, have fun, and make sure you are okay with casual hooking up—just to save your feelings if it doesn’t work out.
I do not think it’s more desirable to wait. If you want to do it…do it first date…why not?
If someone is judging you about that then F him, you shouldn’t want him in your life anyway.
I slept with my ex on the second date, but tbh I woulda done it on the first. Point blank, if they are into you it won’t matter.
I honestly don’t think it matters. If a guy likes you then he likes you. Period. I slept with my boyfriend fast and 3 years later, we are going strong. I don’t think when you sleep together really defines the relationship. If two people have a strong attraction and sleep together quick that doesn’t mean it’s doomed.
Do you want to have sex on the first date? Does your partner? Would you prefer to wait? Would you prefer to be with someone willing to wait?
Go in thinking about what *you* want, not how you can alter yourself to please a stranger! Of course it makes sense to compromise in relationships, but if you’re compromising what you want before you even begin . . . what’s the point of that?
Some people jump into sex on the first and some of them don’t. Works for some and does not work for some. Each to their own who am I to judge.
I’ve noticed from personal experience that women that put out quickly didn’t really capture my attention very well. It was always the women that kept me on the hook and played, flirted and was intimate in other ways that captured my attention. Like I WANTED to be around them. I didn’t really want to be around the women that were like ‘hi my name is Krystal, wanna fuck!?’.
So depends on what you want? Want something long term or something short term?
I’ve had more success waiting. Waited 6 weeks with my current bf
Haha I do the same. It’s fine honestly. I’m not into games. If the guy doesn’t want to see you again after sex then just let him go. I wouldn’t fuck with any guy who does that BS twice. The good ones will call you back.
9 months is nothing compared to the average man, and please don’t play the waiting games please.
If you like a guy then do what your comfortable with and if you don’t like a guy do him a favour and don’t string him along.
if a guy is going to (pump and dump) as they say it doesn’t matter how long he waits to have sex with you.
Honesty and being direct is 🔥
Most cases, a first date sex wont last long. You need to establish that desire, affection, the deep emotional connection before even consider to have sex. Intimacy is built over time. You need to be vulnerable with each other and share and talk about the deep stuff.
My last relationship, we only had sex after dating for 3months. We did kiss a lot before that.
Well that is how it works for me.
How to stop you from having sex? Do not put yourself in those situations that makes it easier to have sex.
I wouldn’t jump right away into sex on the first date. But that’s me personally. From my experience, that guy is going to be wanting more sex and not getting know you or really want to date. But everyone’s scenario and story is different
I mean, I had sex on the first date with my current partner. It was about six months after the end of my previous relationship. They’re amazing in bed, and we had a great connection from the start. Just you do you. All that matters is that everything is safe, consensual, and respectful.
I’ve heard you’re supposed to pleasure yourself before going on a date…to cut down on temptation. Also, don’t shave your legs. lol
I 34 M tend to try and wait till the 3rd date just to see if we click as I’m sick of hump and dump experiences
For myself I like to wait just to know the relationship is not built on sex or emotions but on a pure nature.
Whenever I have been sexual too soon with someone new or they have pushed to get sexual fast, it has never lasted long. The “3 date rule” is absolutely stupid. Do it when YOU want, when you feel comfortable. If you don’t feel comfortable don’t do it and don’t let them pressure you.
With my new-ish boyfriend I waited over a month from when we initially first met. But our first meeting wasn’t a date, we were at a group/community event and had separate friend groups there. A few days later we wet on our first date. We also live a bit long distance by a couple hours. He asked me to be his girlfriend after about 3-4 dates. We got a bit sexual. But I waited to have sex with him for a few more weeks after becoming official and because we cannot see each other all the time. I wanted to make sure he wasn’t in it for the sex. Which I’ve had guys do before, days or a couple weeks after sex they dump or ghost. Some guys can be sly and misleading about their intentions.
Don’t be worried about being desirable, worry about *what YOU desire*. If you want to have sex and meet someone else who does, have sex. Not every date has to turn into a long-term relationship. The right person won’t judge you, either way.
Slept with my bf on the 1st date… we have now been together over 3 years. If a guy thinks less of you for having sex on the 1st date them he’s not the type of guy worth dating!
I think it really depends on your partner and how they view sex. I’ve had plenty of first dates where I have and haven’t done the deed. In comparison, it didn’t matter because the guys who were genuinely into me didn’t stop dating me just because we were intimate and the guys who “got what they wanted” were people I wouldn’t want anyways. The common factor here is that I wanted to have the physical intimacy so I had a good time regardless. There is no one rule, there are just pointers and things to look out for in a potential partner.
In my opinion if I have sex on the first date a serious relationship is off the table
There’s no rule for anything, do what you want and makes u happy
I think after 3 good dates, if your looking for a long term/life partner. Doesn’t have to be sex, but I think It’s important to see if your compatible in all aspects.
Does it make you more desirable? Probably not, but it does make it clear you’re looking for more than just sex.
If you want sex on a first date, have it. But realize that many people will assume that means you’re more into something casual or a hookup, than a relationship. Maybe not, but generally that’s the case.
Don’t wait to have sex because you think you have to, or because you think you’re supposed to play hard to get or whatever. But do make sure that having sex on the first date is getting you want you want..meaning that people you like aren’t disappearing because they assumed it was a hookup.
Another thing to do is to just go have some casual sex right away after you start dating again, to get it out of your system, and then look for people to have a relationship.
Tips on self control? I mean, why not stop waiting nine months to date?
OP, don’t let men/people out a value on you because of your preference/sexual desire/habits.
Some people (like me) don’t do that, treat others with mutual respect.
Fastest I’ve ever dropped my pants was the same day, longest was 3 months. It varies person to person. Most the time? I want to get to know someone. Other times? I’m just looking for a hookup/FWB situation or have such a strong sexual connection that it’s hard to pass.
Just be you and do what feels right for you.
Yes it makes you more desirable when you let them wait.
If you can have sex with someone and are okay: (emotionally, mentally) with them never speaking to you again. Then go ahead. If it’s going to hurt your feelings. Don’t do it