I constantly see my insecurities in other people which gives me lots of anxiety. How can I fix this?

5 comments

1. [deleted]

2. What do you mean you see your insecurities in other people?

3. I assume you mean that you recognise your own shortcomings in others? I used to get this vivid feeling of disgust when i met someone in who i could sense the same social ineptitude i felt within. They arent the issue, you are. Not the shortcomings but the inability to come to terms with them.

   Once i accepted myself for who i was (an adhd riddled aspie) could i accept others like me, and nowadays even embrace them for having shared experiences and thus a mutual understanding.

4. As long as you keep worrying you’re insecure, you will end up acting that way. People will notice and feel that vibe coming from you. People notice the way you carry yourself and the vibes you give off. When you are nervous/anxious/overthinking/worrying about who you are and what you are, your verbal and nonverbal actions tend to show it. If you keep acting this way, people will stop associating with you because it’s a negative vibe. You are essentially conveying that you are indeed unworthy to hold a conversation with them or be around them and that they need to be constantly reassuring you. That’s not what you want to convey, and it’s nobody else’s job but your own to validate and reassure yourself. People gravitate towards self confidence, not anxiety.

   Go out and Genuinely connect with people in real life e.g. ask how they are, their hobbies, interests, goals, opinions, etc. Listen and pay attention to what people say. Share those things about yourself when asked. People also subconsciously attach you to the value you bring. The value you bring is a clear, unique, and convincing reason why people will interact with you, let alone do so constantly. So Find ways to add value to their lives. Having In person interactions is the easiest way to stand out from countless people who text or message. People remember and favor in person interactions because of the positive vibes. If your hobbies, skills, talents align with their interests or can help them, bring it up and offer to help them. Finally, learn how to be genuinely busy in your life pursuing your goals and hobbies, while interacting with people on the side. People are hardwired to be repulsed by neediness and desperation and instead gravitate towards those who are self confident and well rounded in life. They want to see active confirmation of you actually doing something in your life other than just talking to them. So chase excellence, not people.

5. only fools are secure. you ll have to learn to live with it. we all do!