I have been hanging out with these 2 girls and 1 guy (17, 18 years old) over the summer, when we met at the pool and just clicked. Usually we just hang out, talk about stupid stuff, watch TV, and occasionally drink or smoke weed (maybe 5 times max). I also have my best friend (14F) with me. We don’t do anything dangerous or horrible, but I know that we shouldn’t drink. We literally just hang out.
My brother found out and has been extremely annoying about it, threatening to tell our parents, and wants me to stop talking to them. The most annoying thing is that HE is friends with them and hangs out with them occasionally at random house parties. When I ask him why he’s allowed and I’m not, he says that it’s because they are too “old” for me. I feel like I’m being treated like the tagalong sister all over again, when now I am literally in high school too. He says that they are losers for hanging out with me, and the 1 guy is sketch.
He has threatened to tell our parents that I have drunk with them, if I don’t stop hanging out with them myself. I think it’s actually pretty hypocritical of him, since he has been drunk before too. But I don’t know what else I can do… is there really anything I can do? I could sneak around but I also don’t want to get caught and make it worse, iykyk.
TLDR: Brother doesn’t like that I’m hanging out with some of his friends and threatens to tell our parents about it.. even though he is friends with them himself. What can I do or say to convince him that our friendship is none of his business?
17 comments
May be it is better to listen to your brother instead of making plans how to sneak or something?
He is actually right. There is nothing good to drink or smoke a weed especially in your age.
He knows them better and understand there will be nothing good for you. He just loves you and cares about you.
He’s 18 and you’re 14. What’s okay for you, isn’t okay for him. He’s not a hypocrite for saying that he thinks it’s okay for him, at 18 to get drunk with his peers but think you shouldn’t be doing that. That’s reasonable. Drinking and smoking are not good for growth or brain development.
Sorry if that hurts your self of self but it is true. You might not want to be the “tagalong” kid but an 18 year old guy getting drunk/stoned with two 14 year old girls is sketchy and they are honestly weird/losers for doing that. Don’t just believe you’re totally safe because there are girls there, I’ve seen pick mes turn a blind eye to younger girls getting abused by guys and even help that happen.
I would listen to your brother personally.
Bro’s just looking out for you. An 18 year old dude hanging out with a 14 year old girl is sketchy.
Listen to your sibling.
They’re of the same age group and understand the actions and desires of the other, much older friends.
If your brother says that the guy is sketchy, listen to him. You won’t get anyone more protective then your family.
Trust that they have knowledge you don’t, and that it’s okay that they have this knowledge and you don’t. You’ll grow up and understand soon enough.
Take it easy on your older brother. They’re looking out for your safety.
Here’s the straight up deal: 4 years is a big age difference at this age. Would you hang out with a 10 yo? Offer them alcohol? So it’s not cool for the seniors to be drinking with you.
It’s totally creepy for 18 yo guy to be getting you drunk. Maybe he didn’t take advantage the first time but it sounds like he will. It sounds totally rapey. If your bro is telling you the guy is a creep- trust your bro! Especially if you can’t see it. Your brother knows them better than you.
> He says that they are losers for hanging out with me, and the 1 guy is sketch.
He’s right.
Look, the simple reality is that there’s a big difference between 18 and 14. Those years do actually matter. Finishing high school is not the same as starting it. Your brother will be well ahead of you on the curve for several years yet, and if you try to “keep up” with him in the name of fairness or consistency you’ll make a ton of mistakes and cause yourself a lot of trouble.
> I feel like I’m being treated like the tagalong sister all over again, when now I am literally in high school too.
A great way to avoid being treated like a tagalong is to have your own friends your own age. If you try to share friends with your older brother you’ll be casting yourself in that role, and you won’t somehow outgrow it faster by force of will.
I get that it’s annoying but it’s not hypocritical for him to think you shouldn’t be drinking and smoking at 14. He’s an adult, you aren’t.
You’re brother is right. It is extremely sketchy for a 17 and 18 year old to hang out with a 14 year old.
My little brother had someone approach him. I got them to leave him alone. He was 14 and they were 19. As soon as I moved they started driving over and then showed him porn. I went off on our mom for allowing that to happen. It was grooming 100%.
Listen to your brother. Right now you hate him and think he’s wrong but when you turn 18 you’ll see how right he was. And he can hang with them. They’re the same age.
I guess I don’t see how your brother can’t control anything you do? He’s not your dad.
I have an older brother three years older than me, so I was a freshman in high school when my brother was a senior. I had a similar issue to you at the time, there were several people my brother told me he didn’t want me hanging out with. At the time, I sorta just ignored him, and did what I wanted. (Though I only ended up every being with said people in group settings with plenty of friends around.)
Now it’s been five years since I graduated high school. In between now and then, two of the guys that were on my brother’s list have been rumored to have treated women very poorly/borderline sexual abuse.
All of that to say, if your brother hangs around these people too, he probably has a reason he doesn’t think you should be around them. Not saying these friends are bad people, but there could be a reason to be wary. Even if it feels like a total buzzkill, it’s actually pretty lucky to have a brother that cares about you and is looking out for you.
Your 14 and hanging out with a 17, 18 year old. Your brother is right. Also if a 17 and 18 year old are hanging out with a 14 year old they are very immature. They obviously don’t have the maturity to hang with kids their own age.
Have you ever thought about one of these guys taking advantage of younger girls? Not saying it’s cool for him to hang with a guy like that, but it’s just one of the reasons why it’s wildly more dangerous for you to hang out with them then it is for him.
Besides of course the fact that no normal 18 year old dude has any business smoking and drinking with a 14 year old.
I have a similar age difference to you and your brother and had the same issues with my sister at your age.
She’s 36 now and will admit I was right.
At 18 your brother is on an even keel with these guys, you are not at 14. He doesn’t want his 14 year-old sister hanging around with drunk stoners, when you’re his 18 year-old sister he’ll probably happily smoke with you but that is a few years away.
My advice would be to hang out with some people closer to your own age, and not around your brothers friends and aquaintences.
This may surprise you, but us dudes tend to not hang out with carbon copies of ourselves, and tend to be extremely independent. I love my bros, but if I had a sister I wouldn’t choose half of them LOL.
You barely know these people, I used to hangout and drink with people older than me smoke too, one day we got caught driving and smoking and I didn’t know this but most of the older kids were drunk and they went to jail for soliciting to minors or whatever it’s called. But anything could happen, the guy is weird for hanging out with 14 year olds. It’s not okay listen to your brother before you end up in a ditch somewhere because you got alcohol poisoning and they’re to afraid to take you to the hospital, this ain’t happened to me but one of my old friends
Listen to him. You don’t see it yet, but he is genuinely looking out for you and his advice is good. I say this as someone with a younger sister who wished I had an older sibling to tell me these things when I was your age. Kids that are that much older than you wanting to hang out with you might feel awesome but it is very odd when you’re on the other side of it. Looking back, it is so weird to me that senior boys wanted to hang out with me when I was a freshman girl.
14 is still pretty young! You know, we’re adults the rest of our lives, but we’re not kids or teenagers very long. You’ll have plenty of time for older friends in college and stuff, but I very much do not recommend this crowd for you at this age. Sneaking out is just not worth the trouble, either.