My boyfriend (19m) and I (18f) have only had sex twice during our almost 5 month long relationship. I don’t feel the want or need to ever do anything sexual, and it effects my mental health negatively if we do. Whereas he wants it constantly and it effects his mental health negatively if we don’t. It’s effected a massive part of our relationship due to all of the built up sexual frustration and mental strain. However, aside from the sexual aspect, we have an amazing relationship. He treats me perfectly, and we have plenty of fun doing other activities and spending time together. I really do care about him, and I have no doubt that he cares about me also. However I’m worried about long-term, since it’s such a large conflict between us. I’m not sure what to do, or how to handle this.
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You two are young, and only have 5 months invested in the relationship. Become “friends only” and go your separate ways with regard to a life partner.
The longer it goes on, the harder it’ll be. Almost 4 years and being a guy, this is really rough. Been meaning to make my own post about this on here for a whole. I’m (24m) always willing to stay because I love her but it’s really hard some days being on a different spectrum as my (20f) partner
If you both want a monogamous relationship I don’t see how you are compatible long term.
It’s possible, but one or the other is going to be miserable and that’s not what a relationship should be. Sex (whatever that means for you) / Physical Intimacy is a hugely important part of a romantic relationship. It’s one of the MAIN things that differentiates this type of relationship from a regular platonic friendship. You should be on the same page on this issue with the person you are in a romantic relationship with.
I believe this is a huge part in why my marriage ended. Shes high sex drive and I barely have any. I believe it is a big part of her love language and me not giving her that really made her depressed and feel negative about herself. She didn’t feel loved and questioned if I was still even attracted to her at all. And I was very attracted to her in every way and showed my love in other ways. We were together for a long time but I guess it didn’t work out in the end. Sorry if that isn’t what you wanted to hear but it is a huge compatibility issue. It’s something that will keep surfacing over your time together. Its that tense topic no one wants to address because there really is no compromise for that specific problem as sex cannot be forced. If you don’t feel like it at all then the act is pointless, it creates resentment if forced. Even the person who enjoys sex will eventually hate doing it with the person forcing herself/himself to do it because you can feel that hesitation and just overall not being in the mood. It becomes routine and not about making love.
I’ve been in this kind of relationship for 5 years now and honestly, the longer it gets the harder you’ll see your future with him.
Think of it this way, let’s say the both of you last for long-term. You’ll eventually have thoughts of marriage or creating a family but you’ll always have this nagging feeling of not wanting to have sex and being emotionally/mentally drained by it. At the same time, you’ll also feel bad (even guilty) for not being able to reciprocate his passion and needs.
At the end of the day, you and him will never be fully happy.
I am assuming that he is hypersexual and you are an asexual. The both of you may be able to compromise for now but when it comes to long term commitment, one of you will eventually find someone who can fulfill each of your own love languages.
OP, anything is possible if you both communicate and are up front about how you feel. I’m in a similar situation with my partner, and we’ve been married for 2.5 years. Basically, not only did birth control severely effect my libido (I never want or feel the need for sex either), I also have some serious childhood trauma that makes any sort of intimacy in that way very difficult and it often results in flashbacks. It definitely is hard for my husband, I can tell, but he’s also willing to work with me and understands my bad days. Sometimes I just can’t handle physical touch and I don’t want any sexual contact towards my own body, but I don’t mind helping him in other ways if he wants (hand job, BJ, etc.)
It all comes down to how much you’re willing to work on the relationship. You’re never obligated to have sex EVER, but being open about it is definitely a good idea if you want to avoid resentment (on both sides) in the future.
Science, genetics somehow got this backwards for couples. Guys reach their sex peak around 18. However women don’t reach our sexual height until later in life, in our 30s.
Honestly if I stopped having sex with my partner for reasons other than health issues, I would EXPECT to get dumped. It’s a major incompatiblity. You BOTH deserve to feel good about how much sex you are (or aren’t) having.
Its possible, there are many people who are in dead bedroom relationship for decades. The problem is, that at least one of them (usually both) are miserable.
No, you guys are teenagers, you shouldn’t be getting into relationships with incompatible people so early.
I mean, it’s possible, sure, as long as you don’t want to be happy.
Why don’t you see if there is anything wrong with your sex drive? Hormone imbalance, ext…