Is it really important to have sex just for the sake of happiness? Then what about love? A person marries another person for sake of love but actually sex substitutes it later. Can someone please explain the reason?

30 comments

  1. Probably, and it’s definitely more common than people would admit, I think.

  2. For some marriages, sure, sex won’t be important.

    Asexual people exist, and they do get married.

    Some people marry for financial reasons, or for security, or for religious or cultural reasons, and they don’t expect love or sex from a marriage.

    Other people are polyamorous and are satisfied with getting sex outside of their marriage.

    ​

    But for a lot of other people, having sex with their spouse is very important and they do not want romantic relationships without sex. I think these people are in the majority.

  4. Longevity doesn’t necessarily equate to quality – signed, Children of parents who should’ve got divorced a loooong time ago

  6. What. The. Hell.

    No! Sex and love are complements, not substitutes. And no, you can’t stay married to a person you can’t fuck unless you are asexual too.

  8. Mine lasted 15 years (18 years together) and it wasn’t the lack of sex that made me leave. So, yes it can last.

  9. If one person refuses sex and the other needs it, then the marriage will be rough.

    If you require an example of this, go spend some time reading r/deadbedrooms

    Sex substitutes it later?

    No. Sex Is not a substitute. Its an added benefit that brings another level of intimacy to the relationship.

    For those that want it, but live in a sexless marriage, the emotional pain is deep. Constantly being rejected will destroy anyone’s self esteem.

    If two asexual people happen to get married, then their emotional commitment will need to be as strong as any other long lasting marriage.

  10. Married 34 years but health issues preclude us having sex however intamacy is still there as well they still make me laugh every day. I would love to have sex like we used to but not wiling trade my partner for the occasional romp.

  11. A healthy sex life is a small part of a marriage…

    A bad sex life is everything in a marriage.

  12. Check out deadbedrooms. There are men that have not had sex with wives in over a decade. Me… I get it 2 or 3 times a year and it sucks.

  13. My wife and i have been married 30 years. Through ups and downs and 3 children and 4 grandchildren we still love each other very much. She is my best friend. We fall in and out of love with each other many times. I think in many relationships when people fall out of love they thinks its over but its not really. You rediscover each other and you remember why you fell in love to begin with. My wife had hip replacement a she haa hit menopause so that has changed how we get intimate. Its not always about getting off but about reconnecting with each other deeply. My 2 cents

  14. I’m asexual so to me sex isn’t important. I’d be perfectly happy in a sexless marriage. But that said, I definitely understand why it make the majority of men and women feel miserable.

  15. Sex is the perfect compliment to a healthy marriage. On its own it should not be the reason you get married, or get a divorce, however, like many others here have stated, it is a very key part to a marriage relationship, it is the closest thing to two people becoming one and there is a huge trust commitment you make when having intercourse with that person, and while you can have everything else in a marriage, good sex makes every aspect better.

    When I talk to my married friends and they tell me that sex is meh, and that they may have sex 1-2 times a month (sometimes even less), I assume somethings wrong. I would love a chance to live with each of these couples for like a month just to see what the actual issue is.

  16. Fuck this shit of “where Is love”, NO. Literally what distinguish a relationship (both marriage or every stage before) from a friendship Is sex. I love my friends both the males and females, I lived with them and we share all I share with my gf except sex. So if you don’t want to have sex, stop call It a relationship and call It what It Is, a very good friendship, and let the other have a real relationship insteadof building this clown show about love.

  17. Divorced after 20 years of marriage. Even when the marriage was failing, we would have sex 4 to 6 times per week.

    I do not understand how or why people tolerate a sexless or low sex marriage.

    My heart breaks for those who are constantly rejected by their partners.

  18. 9 times out of 10, if someone wants it, and they are not getting it at home – they are going to find an outlet for it…….and sometimes that outlet is someone else.

    While the marriage *can* last, it will be no means be a healthy one.

  19. My wife and I loved each other and had two children. Wife neither needed nor wanted sex with me. Unless it was to have children. We raised two happy healthy kids together. I never let my many rejections interfere with our otherwise happy home life. But eventually I had to divorce her for my own sanity. Too much rejection just beats you down emotionally. My second wife loves to have sex with me. We’re much more compatible and happy.

  20. You seem like you’re asexual and very confused at the existence of non-asexual people.

  22. It’s all about everyone getting their needs met. Two asexuals can have a good marriage .

  23. What makes it a relationship without sex? What separates that from a best friend you live with ?

  24. You ever read a comment on Reddit and feel bad for whoever is being gaslit in this supposed relationship? Like, geez lady. You’re guilt tripping your husband about wanting to be with you physically? That’s pretty rough and I hope he’s ok.

  25. Sex is to a relationship what oil is to a car.

    Technically a car runs without oil. For a while. You can ignore that “check engine” light, for a while. Oil isn’t an actual component of the process that makes a car run.

    Same for a relationship. Sex isn’t the most important thing. But it is the grease that makes your relationship function, that establishes and reaffirms love. For a long term relationship, a mutually fulfilling sex life is essential.

    With the assumption that neither partner is ace. I’m not ace so I can’t comment on the dynamics in those relationships.

  26. I am a woman and have been married 20 years. Not important at all unless you aren’t having it or are incompatible then it becomes super important. It really just helps smooth over those rough edges/tensions sometimes..like relationship lube lol

  27. Not in my experience, unless both partners are content with it that way

  28. There’s no official definition of a “sexless marriage”, but there are lots of terms for it – “marriage of convenience” is a common one. You can look up “sexless marriage” online and you’ll broadly find that an *accepted* definition is having sex less than once a month or 10 times a year. Studies typically find that only about 12-16% of marriages meet this definition. (Average couples report sex roughly once a week.)

    Studies of people who self-reported “a high probability of an impending marital separation” were “more likely to report being in a sexually inactive marriage” (Donnelly, 1993).

    Physical intimacy is what differentiates a romantic relationship from a platonic one. If you aren’t intimate, you’re friends, not spouses.

  29. Sex is an ongoing need for the great majority of people.

    It’s a big emotional reset-button, it oils the moving parts of the relationship with a big whack of oxytocin, and it’s the top floor of the tower of affection and intimacy.

    Even if you don’t visit it all that’s often, that’s not so important – but if it’s fenced off with barbed wire and you’re not *allowed* up there – woah, okay, we have a major problem here. I thought I was supposed to be their safe place, their source of comfort, the object of all their desires, but now it turns out I’m a threat, a burden and repulsive?

    Living with that will break shit, and you don’t need to be wired up to feel it yourself in order to understand.

    People don’t ‘substitute’ sex for love, don’t be ridiculous.

    Relationships can fray a little over time – the same old arguments can be points of wear, people can get a bit cynical and jaded about *this again* – and the whole thing needs a bit more lubrication to keep running.

    In those cases, people can end up needing more sex to smooth things over – or if the other person has withdrawn from it, can really suffer from the sense of rejection and isolation that results… and combined with the ongoing random stresses, this can become untenable.

    Asexual people exist, and that’s fine – not everyone has the same needs. But where you have a relationship with mismatched fundamental needs, it’s going to end up under intense strain if those needs go unmet (or conversely, if someone needs to keep providing at cost to themselves)

  30. When I bought my house it had two bathrooms. If both my bathrooms get wiped out by a tornado, I’d definitely rebuild my bathrooms. If I couldn’t rebuild them, the house I love would no longer have as much appeal to me now that I can’t use my bathrooms. I didn’t buy the house for just the bathrooms, but they are an important part of the house nonetheless.

Leave a Reply
You May Also Like