My (25f) guy friend (28m) and I have been friends for about six years and have gotten ridiculously close. To the point where I have thought about dating but haven’t brought it up because I value our friendship and I just don’t think I’m his type.
Recently, however, he’s started bringing up often how he’d never hook up with me, couldn’t imagine us ever sleeping together, couldnt imaging touching me. He’s compared it to incest, which is absolutely bizarre to me because it is not like a brother sister relationship in my opinion, at all. I’ve had “brother” friends before and that’s not our relationship. He’s very much a guy. He also keeps saying he’s being my gay best friend but like… he’s not gay and he’s also made comments on how good I look, in a not gay way.
It’s starting to make me uncomfortable, wondering why he keeps feeling the need to reassert this. I just always say okay, and I know; but I never say like “ew gross right” or say I agree with it, because I haven’t done anything to make him think I’d want to be intimate with him. My friend said she thinks he’s doing this to gauge my reaction, not that he is trying to make sure I know not to make a move on him.
Do guys do stuff like that? It seems like the opposite of what to say if you liked a girl. But it’s putting weird tension into things imo, because I never thought about us hooking up before he started bringing it up and how we’d NEVER. Now its every time I see him he brings it up.
I also know he finds me attractive but I don’t know that that means he’d want to be with me in that way.
9 comments
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Google “reaction formation.”
I’m confused by your post. You say that he said he’s not attracted to you in the title but then you say he is attracted to you at the end of your post. He either is or he isn’t. Whatever he has told you directly is what I’d believe unless you know you’re a highly attractive woman. It’s always possible that he’s saying it to see how you react – like if you’d be interested in any of those things. But I would not assume that if you don’t consider yourself to be his type in the first place, or if there’s no other signs that he would be. It could also be possible that he has a feeling that you are attracted to him and like him, or have flirted with him, and he’s indirectly trying to tell you it’s never going to happen.
If you’re as close friends as you say you are, just ask him. It’s not like he’s someone you barely know and have a crush on. He’s your friend. Just be straight up
It realy sounds like he is trying to psych himself out of being attracted to you.
Sounds like he’s playing games with you (using reverse psychology) because he’s immature and that’s what immature people do. He likes you but he’s scared.
Guy here yes we say things like this to gauge your reaction, or to try to get girls to tell the truth about the situation as it’s no secret women don’t take rejection very well (but who does really). If you’re risking being rejected by us it really does speak volumes to us guys if you take the chance. I advise having a blunt conversation with him where you lay your feelings on the table. Don’t hint don’t be mysterious about it, 100% truth and nothing else. Or kiss him passionately and see how he responds. Either way you gotta take that risk of rejection to solve this for yourself.
He’s trying to make himself seem like he’s someone that you have to “chase” by pretending he isn’t into you.
Find a friend who’ll be upfront and honest.
He’s either lying to himself to not blow your friendship, or he’s jut not that into you that way.
I think you should ask what’s up with thoose comments. If you are close friends you should be able to talk about it and if you want more that friendship you have to talk about it.