is unsolicited touching ok from a spouse? why or why not?

14 comments

1. This is such a personal question/situation its almost impossible to answer but I’ll try.

   If your spouse is someone who has a traumatic past with sexual assault, sexual abuse, rape, assault, abuse, ect; then they might not be open to touch all the time. It would be best to ask before so they can give an answer they are comfortable with. Their consent and comfort is top priority so they feel safe.

   If you’re someone like me, I don’t mind my spouse touching me at all, theres just 1 place off limits so they dont touch there. I’m fully comfortable with him touching me anywhere else whenever. Spanks when I pass him, the small of my back when he passes, my waist when were in line, holding my hand, holding my knee while hes driving, whenever, wherever.

   Everyone is just so different and that’s okay. Consent/comfort is not a blanket thing or definition.

2. Always

3. That completely depends on the boundaries of your relationship. You shouldn’t assume it is just because you’re in a relationship. Not everyone is going to be okay with that.

4. Depends on the couple. I am not very touchy feely, and can’t be with someone who is, so it being kept to a minimum works. Being touched and pawed at constantly would drive me fucking nuts.

5. That really depends on the couple and their boundaries. I love physical contact with my partner, but I also couldn’t stand it if I was groped all the time. No for me casual/romantic touch is a yes, sexual touch is a depends.

6. If you know or suspect they don’t want it? Never. Life and death situations being maybe the only situation where I’d make an exception to that.

   “Unsolicited” in the sense of “without prior explicit invitation or verbal consent”… that’s where it gets iffy. Ideally you’d ask them everytime. But that is not common in most long term relationships. If I had to ask my husband everytime before I grab his butt or give him a peck on the cheek, we’d be here all day. But that works only, because after 7 years together, I can predict reliably, what flies when and what doesn’t. And if he tells me to stop, I will do so.

   But in a new relationship or if a partner for whatever reason struggles with being touched, these things need to be talked about and there needs to be more and more detailed communication. For instance, my husband was under the impression, that most women hate having their hair touched, so he never did. But I personally love it. It’s very hard to make blanket statement for what is and isn’t okay in relationships. It always has to be negotiated between the two people involved.

7. My bf grabs my butt all the time but it’s whatever

8. It depends. For me it’s okay with my partner bc we don’t have those boundaries with each other. We can touch anything that’s appropriate in the given context. But others might not see it that way.

9. Absolutely, in a private setting. My partner lightly spanks me as I walk by all the time at home. He enjoys it and so do I. And he knows better to not do that if I’m feeling sick or clearly not in a mood to interact.

10. It really depends what you mean by unsolicited touching. I don’t expect my fiancé to ask permission every time he touches me, but I’d definitely find it annoying if he came up and started touching me in a super sexual way while I was busy doing something.

11. Depends on the couple and each persons boundaries.

    To my husband and me, touching each other and being touched is normal in our relationship.

    The only exception is, that I ask my husband before hugging him, when he has a meltdown and isn’t feeling well. He’s on the spectrum, so if he is in a meltdown, he is the one who knows best if a hug would make it better or worse in the situation.

12. Depends on the location.

    In public hand holding and hugs are great

    No boob touching, arse spanking etc though

13. My love language is quality time and physical touch. My partner is the same way. I accept all touches. He’s constantly rubbing on me.

14. For me, no. Just because we’re in a relationship it does not give someone 24/7 access to my body. If I ask them to stop and they don’t, I instantly lose interest and that’s the beginning of the end for me.