I was ghosted by my best friend 5 months ago. She knew everything about me and she was an extremely important person to me. Then she just disappeared one day after I had been used to talking to her pretty much every day for a long time. At first I was terrified. Did this actually just happen? Then I was angry. Then I was worried about her. Then I was depressed. Then I was all four. For a long time I was all four. I couldn’t look at things clearly. I was so angry that she could do this to me knowing my insecurities. She knows this is the thing of all things a friend could possibly do that distressed me the most. I hate the mystery, not knowing. She promised she would never do this to me. Then she did. A few months prior to this I elaborated on my feelings for her. I had told her I liked her soon after we met. She didn’t seem available but wanted to be friends. So I brushed it under the rug. Well, I told her everything about my feelings and everything leading up to them a few months prior to this happening. If anything it seemed to bring us closer. But we were still just friends. But that wasn’t all. I had dumped a lot of emotions onto her over the years. Too much. I couldn’t stop. She barely opened up to me. But I told her everything. She told me in the past that this was exactly why she valued me so much as a friend. So I thought it was fine. But it was a lot. I also found myself suspecting that she was lying to me a lot. I have a history of mental health issues and sometimes I get paranoid. The main part of me assumed that I was being paranoid and it was just me. But I was sometimes terrified she had lied to me and questioned her about some things. One time in particular it caused some tension. But everything seemed okay. Then she suddenly disappeared completely without a clear trigger at the time. I was a wreck for a long time. A month and a half ago she finally got back to me with one text message. She told me sorry, something came up. It wasn’t me, she’s avoiding everybody right now. She hopes I forgive her someday for doing this.
That made me worry about her again. I accepted it. She must be going through something devastating. Life went on. She was still gone. This whole time when I get on venmo I frequently see her paying for nights out with new friends. Not trying to creep but it’s there. I’m starting to suspect she’s mostly just saying that as a shitty excuse to disconnect with me. I have spent a long time reacting to this, feeling like she hasn’t been being very nice to me at all. Okay, whatever. Now I have to admit something else. I wasn’t very nice to her at all. I was a huge burden. It may not be fair or maybe it is. Something like this was expected from my behavior. That’s why I was terrified. I felt like I deserved something like this. Maybe I did
23 comments
>I’m starting to suspect she’s mostly just saying that as a shitty excuse to disconnect with me
She absolutely should disconnect from you. That’s the best in the long-run for both of you.
You clearly will not be happy with a platonic friendship, you want more. And continuing to spend time with her is just going to make it even harder for you. You’re already trying to make her responsible for your mental health. Forget about this woman, move on with your life and see a professional therapist.
Damn dude you sound possessive. Probably the best and safest thing for her.
She wasn’t a friend, she was a free therapist. She got sick of that shit. I don’t blame her.
Bruh why were you pouring your heart out to someone it ain’t ever gonna happen with? It’s for the best she stopped talking to you, prolly shouldn’t have ghosted you but I think she shoudlve just said “we should put space between us” this is probably her own way of sparing your feelings, I don’t agree with it but it is what it is I guess, you yourself shouldn’t have gotten so close with someone it ain’t ever gonna work with though, this is why I say a guy shouldn’t try for female friends smh
My guess is she got tired of dealing with the same thing all the time. I, too, have mental health issues, but I don’t dump everything onto my friends, let alone one friend. That gets to be too much. Also, if you are regularly having problems and not seeking professional help or getting to the root of the issue, it’s very taxing on your friends. You need to work on you. You need to find some stability. Your friends don’t want to deal with the same things repeatedly without seeing some growth and progress. Talk to your doctor. See a therapist. Work on yourself. Do something to improve.
Sucks to suck
Respectfully
Alright, I’ll be honest… I’ve been this friend. I’m a female, I had a guy friend that I loved dearly as a best friend. Truly a best friend. I had no other feelings for him outside of being his best friend. He started getting really attached to me. He’d fish for compliments a lot & tried to get reassurance from me about stuff.. did a lot of things to try to impress me. He started telling our mutual friends that we were dating. I was honestly scared of losing *him* but I knew it was coming… & finally, it did. He poured it all out to me. Told me he loved me & everything. I politely let him down & told him what his friendship meant to me, but I was devastated, I knew the friendship was over just because I *knew him*. He’d message me in the early hours of the morning telling me how he couldn’t see himself with anyone but me. I had to distance myself a little. Then, we ran into a huge issue that just could not be resolved between us (I won’t get into it, but long story short I needed him for some emotional support that he wouldn’t give) & we fell out. I just stopped talking to him.
A year or so later, I actually reached out & apologized to him. I really did miss him, but things weren’t going to be the same. I say all of that to say this, This may not mean that she hates you & regrets your friendship.. it may just mean that this chapter of your life is closing. And ya know what? That’s life. Life happens. Don’t beat yourself up too bad, I know it took a lot for you to confess how you felt. It takes courage to do that. I encourage you to pick yourself back up, you’ll meet other people.
You & your friend can still want the best for one another, you just may not share life together so closely anymore. Best wishes to you.
I hate this on the guys side because is seen as normal and yet when a guy disconnects/blocks/ or distant himself from a girl they usually say that he needed to stay.
Double standards
You’re a fucking creep tbh. Doesn’t matter how much embelishment you do with your words, the fact is that you’re a fucking creep.
Get some help, get ibto therapy before it’s too late
See dude the problem is you were only focusing on one person. Shit like this hurt a lot when you only focus on one. Try focusing on 3 or 4 people at once. It’s probably not the best advice but it’s definitely the one that could avoid a lot of emotional pain. Secondly if you like someone don’t open up to them to that point. Never do that unless you’re dating them or something. Do that and you’re going straight in to the friendzone and once that happens, it’s even harder to get out
Dont listen to anyone dude. Let everyone blabber whatever the fuck they want. You know what. She did you a favor. You mentioned , you were the only one opening up and she wasn’t, so she was getting something out of you. Focus on you and honestly the more you think about this shit the worst you’ll get. Go hit the gym and find a way to hustle cause money and females will come and go. We live in a double standard world, while the Female can attain everything through their looks while they’re young, men have to work hard for it and enjoy the benefits later on life. Go and hustle and age like wine. Cheers mate
Bro, you got friend zoned hard and she got sick and tired of you and wanted to go out dating instead. She was probably getting plowed by a guy when she cut off contact with you then she just started going out to meet more guys to get plowed. Stop wasting your life on her. It’s over. Find someone else who likes you because she never will.
I’ve been the female friend in this scenario. Thank fuck my friend backed off and started going to actual therapy to get his shit together, I couldn’t deal with his depression and suicidal ideation by myself and it was beginning to be unbearable. I wanted to cut him off. Next time instead of dumping all your shit on one person, be proactive and seek professional help.
L
Dude, you need to start taking accountability for your life and issues. This victim mindset and tendency to overshare will cost you friendships and relationships and it ain’t the other person’s fault for unsubscribing from such toxicity.
I’ve been that friend. Still am. It’s exhausting.
People come to you to dump their insecurities. They talk about how hard life is, about how much they’re struggling. They’re sharing what they’ve been through, how it’s affecting them, how hopeless it makes them. And they drag you down with them. There’s a reason why therapists themselves need a therapist.
The thing is, it’s not like you can’t or shouldn’t. It just means that 1. You should do it in moderation and 2. Balance it out with positive vibes and lighthearted fun. A friend is not a therapist. It’s not a friend’s responsibility to listen to your worries and insecurities and make you feel better about yourself.
I don’t know what you should do in this situation. Probably apologize. Tell her you realize what you did wrong and that, whether she decides to stay or leave, you’ll be okay and you hope she’s doing okay too.
She got sick of being an emotional support rock.
There is a lot here.
If you have romantic feelings for someone they don’t return, it’s hard to have a friendship. The only way that can work is if you accept your friend not being attracted to you and start treating them as a platonic friend.
If you’ve got mental health issues, you can share, but in a way that’s mindful of the other person’s feelings and headspace. And sharing vulnerability is based on reciprocity. You share a bit, they share back. If this doesn’t happen, it’s better to cool off on the sharing.
Also, you should be in therapy. And I think it might be hard for you to have functional friendships till you are.
I’ve been in similar situations where I’ve been infatuted with close female friends, with disasterous results. Over the years i’ve come to learn about my Social Anxiety Disorder, Avoidant Personality Disorder, Rejection Phobia and/or Rejection Sensitive Dysphoria.
Just in case those terms are unfamiliar to you OP. But be careful not to self diagnose. A professional should be doing that instead, but such things may be worth your time to read about.
It’s crazy how much this sounds like something that happened to one of my friends. He used to say the same thing about how “she promised me she wouldn’t do this.”
When a woman says she’s not interested then take her word for it. If you can’t handle staying friends without getting in your feelings, then pull back, but she was not inviting you to try to get closer to her so that you can try again at a later date. Her feelings didn’t change and you must have known this because you said she never opened up to you while you were constantly pouring your heart out to her.
She doesn’t know if she even should open up because it might give you the wrong idea, and from the sound of it yeah it probably would. When someone’s not interested your best bet is to pull away a little bit (when I say this I mean to only put as much effort and emotion into the relationship as they are.) and spend time with friends, do hobbies, and most importantly form and develop other relationships with other people. It’s really unhealthy to put all your emotional baggage on one person and I’d imagine it was very exhausting for her.
You’ll find someone else, but please don’t treat them like they’re the one right away again. It’s easy to fall in love with someone who gives you attention but you need to find other ways to channel your emotions so that you don’t overwhelm any one person. Also the other comments are right that your self esteem needs work. Good luck.
From what you’ve said, I reckon you owe her a lot more than she does you. So I understand what she does may be hurtful and maybe not the optimal way, but she has the rights to.
She doesn’t feel the same way towards you and doesn’t owe you her friendship. Try to get these negative emotions out of your system, vent, and move on. See a therapist if you can afford to.
Best of luck!
I agree with the people who are saying she was a “free therapist” and probably got tired of it. I’ve been that person to people and it gets exhuasting. Especially when they aren’t doing anything to better their circumstances/health. I get the need to have a shoulder to lean on, we all need a good friend or two to talk about things. But, to be blunt, you come off as very overbearing, maybe even needy. I don’t mean that to be mean, maybe you didn’t realize it before, but now it is something to think about. Maybe you should look into a therapist, if you can afford one. If not, journaling helps. Sounds simplistic to some people, but I love it. I’ve been keeping journals since I was about 8. As an adult I find that journaling has become a great emotional and creative outlet; I consider my entries a purge. I think once you start some introspection and work on yourself, you’ll find that you will have a better time dealing with others. And others will have a better time dealing with you.
Never trust one person with too much of you, they’ll take parts of you when they go