My (24F) bf (24M) doesn’t like to get changed in front of me, how do I make him comfortable enough to do so?

32 comments

1. I would honestly just stop taking it personally. You’ve already assured him you find him attractive and he isn’t comfortable changing around you still.

2. So is this not a physical relationship at all?

3. I was in the same situation so I understand your worry. My bf thinks he’s too skinny. I reassured him that I find him sexy. We approached it in baby steps, he started wearing button down shirts so I can slowly unbutton a few each time and until it’s all the way unbuttoned. Compromising and taking it slow is the key here. Good luck, and be patient and reassuring!

4. you can’t MAKE him be comfortable with you.

   You can ask him “is there anything i can do to help you feel more comfortable?” but there’s no magic trick to it. Talk to him.

5. I’d stop worrying about it. He’s got a thing. It’s not about you at all.

6. > I’m beginning to feel bad that he doesn’t feel more comfortable with me.

   Give him time.

7. I prefer to get dressed alone just fyi

8. Let him have his privacy if he wants it.

   Frustrates me when I see posts about “how do I MAKE someone else have a feeling I want them to have”? It doesn’t work that way.

9. You can’t. All you can do is continue to be supportive and let him do things in his own time. Don’t beat a dead horse here. You’ve told him you won’t judge him, now just let the information sit out there. You won’t make him feel any more comfortable by repeatedly bringing it up. With respect, this is a him issue, not a you issue.

10. I wouldn’t push the issue. It’s not you, it’s him. Maybe he’ll come around in time, or maybe it’s just an idiosyncrasy he has that you need to accept.

11. I dated a guy once who he refused to brush his teeth in front of me. He brushed them, he just shut the bathroom door when he did it. Didn’t care if I did it in front of him.

    I dunno, it was just one of those weird quirks.

12. Less talking more touching.

    The MensLib subreddit has like 8 threads a week about male body image issues.

    To give you an idea, look for posts about positive reinforcement with regards to men who don’t fit into the “attractive man”. You’ll probably see much less because it’s hard to believe male body image issues happen at all until you’re close enough with someone like your boyfriend.

    Having said that, your actions, tone, mannerisms, and timing speak much louder than words. Hence the “Less talking more touching”

    When’s the last time you felt his torso **unprompted**?

    What’s the last **unprompted** compliment you gave him about his body?

    When do you like looking at him?

13. Let this one go. You’ll both be alright.

14. As someone with body image issues this resonates a lot with me and my relationships. There’s honestly nothing you can do. Keep complimenting him, keep loving him. He’ll eventually come out of his shell. Or not. If you make it a big deal I promise it will just get worse.

15. I was like that with My Wife at first, I’m not packing and was embarrassed but eventually got over it with Her help.

16. You can’t *make* someone feel differently than they feel. His discomfort with his body is very likely not about you and not something he does at you or to you.

    > I’m beginning to feel bad that he doesn’t feel more comfortable with me.

    Talk to him about how that lack of physical openness makes you feel if you want to. Maybe you’ll gain some insight. From the outside with only two paragraphs of information, it seems likely that this has no connection to your behavior. It’s probably a deep-seated insecurity from long before the two of you met.

17. Give him space and be patient.

18. If you’ve had sex it means that he is okay enough getting undressed in front of you to receive pleasure, but not just to change a t-shirt? I would observe if he has any other quirks like this. Sounds like low self-esteem.

    It does not sound like you are invading his privacy by wondering why he purposely avoids changing in front of you.

19. Some people just don’t like changing in front of others, no matter how physical the relationship. Don’t take it personal and also don’t try and give him an issue about it either.

20. Respect his boundaries? There’s nothing more to do..

21. Ah my boyfriend does the same thing. He makes me turn around when he’s changing lol. It’s completely normal. Just give him the privacy

22. Let me give you an exact quote from a rather immature woman I had dated:
    *laughing* “How can something so small get so big?”
    Maybe he experienced something similar. If he’s a grower, it could be that.

23. I’m with someone that’s very similar, OP. He is objectively a very attractive guy with clothes on or off. I love looking at his upper body, but I noticed he’s self-conscious and definitely doesn’t walk around naked (like me). But, he has a better body than me. I’ve not said a word that I’ve noticed at all, I just do what I can control which is compliment him sincerely and make it clear that I’m physically into him. I keep hoping that this will lead to me seeing more of him, but if it doesn’t, there are worse things, right?

24. I’m not saying this will guarantee work for you, but this helped me with this issue. I’m the one with the body issues.

    My husband came to me and said he really enjoys skin on skin contact and that he wants to see me naked more often and wants to know if I’m open to working to that point. I decided to give a try because it was important to him and I understood that those intimate things made him feel more connected to me.

    My husband and I started with us staying naked in the dark and under the blankets after we were intimate. No touching, just laying in bed together and then worked our way up to cuddling with the blanket between us. Once I became comfortable with that we worked our way up to the next step that I was ready for and so on. It also takes a lot of communication from both ends, but I’m now comfortable with being in my underwear around him.

    At the end of the day, it is very important to respect his boundaries and not push too hard. He will be ready when he is ready. Patience is a virtue and I wish the best of luck to you! I hope this helps!

25. Some people are just not comfortable doing certain things with others around. My bf for instance won’t pee When I’m in the bathroom with him. I won’t change in front of friends or family but will in front of my bf. Don’t bug him about it. For all you know it could be related to trauma and be a very testy subject for him.

    Stop letting it bother you. You aren’t entitled to see him nude every time.

26. You can respect his feelings.

27. I don’t think there is anything you can, or should, do about any of this.

    You can try to respect it.

    I was about to recommend to discuss this with him if it bothers you so much (communication is vital in any relationship), but it seems to me that you already know where he stands on this. Would you say so?

    I suppose I was in your boyfriend’s shoes when I was seeing a very… confident man, if you will. 😂 He’s incredibly comfortable being naked (and does have a need to be physically seen, he has told me) and I found it jarring for the first couple of months.

    Then it just becomes part of who he is and he is sexy and endearing to me regardless, so the “solution” to that problem for me, if you will, is time.

28. This is not about you. You can’t make him do anything. He is entitled to his privacy and you need to respect that.

29. I think that if the roles were reversed most of the comments would say that you just cant. Although i do think its true, i would start changingin front of my SO and have a sexy approach in front of the SO, it could encourage the SO to try. Also relationship is communication. So you could try to talk about it with him if you feel comfortable doing so. But otherwise i wouldnt make much of it, and i wouldnt take it personally, people express their love through so many ways it would be unfair to judge love or trist over one single thing. Hope for the best of your relationship stranger! Good luck!

30. Stop taking it personally, if he doesn’t want to, he doesn’t have to. Period. It’s not about you.

31. He’s allowed to have boundaries. If the roles were reversed, you wouldn’t want him to push you. Tell him how you feel about it. Listen to him in return. It may pass with time. It may not. If him not changing clothes around you is a deal breaker, let him know now. Not later.

32. Let him be, some people are not comfortable with that. Just like some people don’t like showering with someone else.