This might be a dumb question but I was having a discussion with my friend. I have sensory issues so I am very averse to textures/fluids/ etc. I asked him what he does after he fingers his SO but prior to intercourse. He told me he just wipes the fluid on the back of his buttocks. I told him that was disgusting and that it would get all over the bed and he just laughed it off.
I told him (though I am inexperienced) that I would quickly run and wash my hands in that situation, and be back within 30 seconds, max. He told me, however, that that would “ruin the mood” and women wouldn’t be okay with that.
So, would that be a problem if I did that with a partner? What do you all do when that happens?
48 comments
If you’re gonna have to run to the bathroom every time fluid gets on you, don’t even bother having sex
you should be washing your hands and cleaning up after sex.. it’s understandable to just wipe off with a towel and lie down or relax together for a bit after, or anything like that. my ex and i would always do that and we’d keep baby wipes handy too. it’s extremely unrealistic to be constantly washing up during sex though. why bother?
if fluids and someone’s body textures bother you, there’s no way around that when it comes to sex.
Wipe it on the sheets or a towel. No need to wash duringn these fluids continue to happen throughout
How about seeking out a partner who understands your sensory aversions and together you figure out how to manage the situation in real time. No need to worry about what will happen until it is happening.
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Just lick your fingers
There’s…a lot of fluids and textures involved in sex. It’s kind of the fun, because it’s unpredictable and a little funny sometimes.
You don’t have to be ready for it *now*, of course. But fluids are a pretty “comes with the territory” thing to sex.
Edit: Meant to type “kind of,” not “kids.” Hopefully obviously.
I just lick it off
This is what the sex towel is for. That and afterward clean-up, particularly if you aren’t using condoms (vasectomy FTW).
Also, if it helps, vaginal fluids are naturally acidic, so if your partner is healthy everything is pretty naturally clean down there. This acidity does mean you probably should wash up after sex. I’ve gotten mild irritation around my eyes from giving cunnilingus if I don’t wash my face afterwards (I tend to be rather committed to my job and the nose comes in usedul as well sometimes… 😎)
When my (20f) bf fingers me and im wet and all that, i either lick it off his hands or i tend to keep a towel near me to be cleaner and not have to wash everytime
Ok so I feel like your options are this
you can either find a partner and warn them about your sensory issues before hand because just getting up and walking out would ruin the mood, but if you tell them before they might be able to help you deal with it.
Or if you can’t find that and just want to have casual sex then I would say try to just remember that as long as you washed your hands before fingering then the stuff on your fingers really isn’t that gross. Keep a hand towel next to the bed.
I will say I think what you should really do is get treatment for the sensory issues so you can enjoy sex more
You need to explain to your partner PRIOR to having sex about your sensory issues However, in the heat of the moment your brain may shut off and you won’t be bothered by it, but generally speaking if someone had run to bathroom after touching me I would prefer to not touch me
🤷🏻♀️ You don’t seem like you’re gonna get laid so no worries.
Whether or not it would be a problem is something that can really only be answered by the partner in question. What I *can* tell you is that sex is often messy, and usually unavoidably so. I mean “fluids” and “sex” pretty much go hand in hand.
If a guy did that with me that would def ruin the mood. Why not just leave a towel on the nightstand to use? Also I’d warn her beforehand so she doesn’t think you find her gross. How do you handle going down on a girl? Or kissing. Or your dick in her? Or if she licks your neck or body? I’m just confused how you would even have sex if you can’t deal with fluids and texture
Ooffff buddy. Sex is inherently messy. Body fluids and smells are a necessary and unavoidable part. They won’t hurt you. You’ll have to either accept that or just avoid sex all together.
Best action is to warn any potential partner of your anxieties so that they don’t feel rejected or that you are disgusted by their vagina. Keep baby wipes on hand if you MUST wipe your fingers. But just be mentally prepared.
Unless you find someone with a similar outlook on this, it’ll very likely ruin the mood. Most people won’t be able to understand/not feel offended by it/develop a complex wondering what is so repulsive about them that you have to run away and wash yourself.
So—to me—is seems like you have two options:
You can look for more likeminded people or maybe talk to a professional about understanding where this might come from and steps you can look at to change your thinking (but only if YOU want to change it).
100% NOT shaming you for being different. Just being realistic about it. Do what feels right to you.
My girlfriend has sensory issues and we keep a “sex pillow case” it’s what she kept her toys in before moving out of her super religious mom’s house. We use that afterwards. We wash it and just stick it back into our bag of tricks. If the person you are with has an issue with your sensory issues, that seems kinda shitty.
Personally I wouldn’t mind but it’ll definitely ruin the mood. I don’t really care either way cause it was inside me in the first place lmao. I’m quite clean and wary of what I eat so it’s not disgusting to me. Me getting wet turns him on a lot and he finds it very hot so he does not find it disgusting all. My SO would either wipe it on my body, his or my clothes, or put it in my mouth; very rarely on the bed sheets. He’ll rinse/wash his hands only after we’ve finished fucking/cuddling in general
Edit: We’re both generally hygienic before and after as well so that plays a factor in not feeling disgusted by it
I would be really turned off if a sexual partner needed to wash my wet off his hands. Sex would be over.
Usualy I just wipe it on the sheets or use it at lube to play with her nipples.
I would avoid leaving the room for Hand washing. Maybe you can find an Alternativ with less impact on the mood. Tissues next to bed, shower sex, confrontation, therapy.
After fingering a girl.. I would just lick it.
I would think they find my natural bodily functions of arousal disgusting, which would ruin the mood, yeah. Sex is dirty. If you have that much of a problem with it then you could try laying a towel on the bed and discreetly wiping your fingers off on the towel when you’re finished?
Put your fingers into her mouth. From my experience, women find that hot. And if not, then lick your fingers yourself. Vaginal fluid is delicious. Or just just wipe then on the bed
But your friend is right, running to wash your hands would definitely put a hamper on the mood, worst case scenario, she thinks you find her disgusting as well.
If it’s an OCD thing that’s causing you to feel this way, sorry that happens. But if it’s not, maybe get over it. Sex will involve a lot of fluids.
Umm you could just get her to suck it off?
Okay, it’s not THAT much fluid coming on his fingers from her vaginally fluids. Like, suck you two fingers really really good. Get them all wet. …then wipe that on your leg. That’s what’s you should expect. That’s not getting all over the sheets. It’s not that much.
Well, unless you make her squirt. Lol
Hate to tell ya… sex can get wet and messy . my best sex always leaves me having to wash my sheets .
I get you have sensory issues with it . That’s a fair boundary. You gotta decide if it’s something you wanna work through so you can enjoy it or simply accept as is.
Me and my Ex (now FWB), have a sex towel. Literally wipe whatever we need/want with it and wash it when it’s been used. Mostly our junk as she gets super wet.
>I am very averse to textures/fluids/ etc
Some people have similar preferences, and most don’t. While, there’s real need to clean your hands before and after the sex, especially before putting hand, dick, or anything else into a vagina or anus, it should be clean.
But it’s a little too much to run to wash hands, every other minute. It’s not about the time being spent in doing that, but about the abruption in the flow, and that too for something very much redundant.
I would personally let the fluids dry off if it’s a little bit, or will rub them off somewhere on more rainy days, and will go on with the business.
Not gonna lie, this is hilarious. She’d kick your ass to the curb so fast hahaha.
In all seriousness, please just lay down a towel.
I have similar sensory issues to you and while bodily fluids don’t bother me anymore, lube most certainly does. If it is bad enough then I do run off to the bathroom to wash my hands, and my girlfriend understands (she even does so too sometimes), but for the most part I just have to power through and not think about it for 30 seconds. By that point, my mind and body have moved on to better things and I’d have wiped the lube that was on my hand elsewhere. If the person you are with isn’t a shitty person then they should understand, and you shouldn’t feel bad about it. Over time you too may find ways to deal with it, just know that putting pressure on yourself will only make the situation worse.
I’d honestly seek professional support for this (I don’t mean a professional cleaning company).
I used to be way more adverse to stuff than I am now, luckily for me I worked through it myself, but there’s nothing wrong with getting therapy and support. This sounds like OCD to me, though I am not a professional. There are well understood treatments for it.
Source: I have (actual) OCD.
One thing about OCD is that a lot of the time it doesn’t stay stable, it gets better or worse. Working cleaning practices into your sex life could lead to you needing to do more and more to feel ‘clean’ and this will be a challenge for partners, and horrible for you.
Sorry you’re having to deal with this.
A small hand towel should go next to the bed along with the condoms and bottle of lube.
Body fluids from fingering as minimal and don’t really linger on your hands as much as you’re imagining. Lube on the other hand, clings and turns sticky on your finders after applying.
If you have a sensory issue then you might need to wipe off after fingering but you will absolutely need to for the lube application.
The other other option is to use non-latex gloves while digitally penetrating any orifice. Then removing them after the lube and genital insertion. It’s the responsible adult way to do anal really.
Also: yes, change your filthy sex stained sheets. Or put down a towel if you think you’ll make a mess. Or both.
‘Just talk to your partner’ is the best course of action.
I would have a problem with it if my partner did this without knowing why. I would think he’s insinuating I’m dirty or gross to him. Communication is key in sex. If you discuss things beforehand your partner may prefer a different solution. I like a sex towel for when things are going to get messy. A towel really helps cleanup with period sex. I find that being horny drastically decreases the amount of things I find gross. I think that’s the case for most. I’m curious if it might help you as well.
Don’t do it.
Even wanting a shower too soon after sex is dangerous, regardless of how sweaty your session was lol.
Regarding fluids. Those are already all over the bed so you might as well embrace it.
Idk about sensory issues or adversity to textures, but I really hate getting my hands sticky/wet in almost any situation. Washing dishes, cleaning any sort of drain, you name it.
But in bed it never really bothered me, but I assume I’m just to preoccupied.
Y’all are so fucking rude. OP just stated they have sensory issues, and you’re all being absolute dicks about it. He even admitted he’s inexperienced. If y’all don’t have anything constructive to say, what do you get out of bashing someone who’s literally asking for advice?
Anyways- getting up to wash ANYTHING during sex is going to ruin the mood. I suggest keeping a towel next to you so you can quickly wipe your fingers and move onto the next part of foreplay. You should also have this conversation with your future partner so they understand why you might seem off/anxious during.
I believe they make gloves for fingers. You might try those? Explain it as sensory issues then you can just take them off when moving on to the next phase.
TIL they are called finger cots.
I can only imagine that you’re pretty young and it sounds like maybe you’re just not ready to be having sex.
I can also only imagine that, unless you had discussed this beforehand, your partner might be a little offput if your reaction to her arousal is to wash your hands.
There’s no way around body fluids in sex and there’s nothing gross about them. Wash your sheets if it makes you feel better, but if you dont wash your own sheets every single day, your bed is no less gross right now than it is after sex. It’s natural.
I already scrolled too far without seeing this said –
babe – you can wear gloves. Its totally acceptable, and a non-latex medical glove will be fine with a lot of partners. Just explain – hey I have some sensory issues and I would prefer to wear gloves for this. A decent human being wont really care, and in fact some people have a fetish for medical play and would actually enjoy it more.
Whats most important is communicating openly with your sexual partners – talk it out when you get there but come prepared with gloves!
I have issues with my hands getting dirty or things being on my hands. But during sex or sexual acts it isn’t as bad. – queer woman
Please don’t do that to a woman unless she is aware that you are going to and why. I’d suggest keeping a towel close and just wipe your fingers quickly. Also if you’re worried about sex juices on the bed, maybe don’t have sex on the bed. If the sheets are clean, it probably wasn’t a great time. Have fun, Make a mess and then wash the bedding.
I personnally would not have an issue with it IF AND ONLY IF I got a warning beforehand.
Like “I am very attracted to you, but I have sensory issues with fluids when they get sticky, so i’ll likely go rinse (do not say wash) my hands after fingering you. It has nothing to do with you, my nerves are just wired a bit funny.”
But i’m used to sensory issues and I know they have noting to do with me, I don’t think anything of them. I’m likely not the norm.
I think a better idea would be to keep a very wet towel next to the bed, and wipe your hands on it.
Fellow person with sensory issues here. Fluids don’t bother me but I understand your concern.
I would explain your sensory issues up front. You could use a toy on your partner. At least until you feel more comfortable. If your super attracted to the person and hyper focused on their pleasure this might not even be an issue. Your brain may surprise you.
Honestly, I feel you. I’ve got sensory issues too and always have to *at least* wipe my hands and face after going down on my boy, but if there’s too much of a mess you can bet your ass I’m going to waste 30 seconds washing. I hate the sticky feeling of dried up saliva and fluids.
My bf’s only done it a handful of times (when unexpectedly high amounts of bloody fluids were involved), but I don’t mind. If you can go back to sexy time after stopping to put on a condom or laughing for a fart, you can go back to sexy time after washing your hands. If your future partner doesn’t understand that your comfort is valuable, then they’re not a good partner.
If you are worried about bodily fluids getting on the bed then maybe don’t have sex in bed?
For sure, running to wash your hands would definitely kill the mood
You could always wear gloves if you really wanted to. I do it for anal because I’m super squeamish. Black latex looks really sharp (just ask your partner if they’re allergic)
1000% lick my fingers or rub those fantastic fluids on my dick before entering my fiancee. They are part of sex. It’s gonna happen with every female you have sex with. You can’t be afraid of them.
Use sexy time gloves. Get a box of gloves (probably vinyl in case of latex allergies), or whatever non-latex you can find. Get a fun color like purple. These are the dedicated sexy time gloves. You wear them with a partner not because you find certain bodily fluids gross, but because you want to fuck them silly and these are how you feel the best doing it.
If asked for more details, say you can be easily overwhelmed by strong textures or sensations on your fingers. And because you want to fucking rock their world, it’s time for the sexy gloves to come out.
There are a lot of ways to incorporate barriers into sexual play. One of my partners uses gloves and even impromptu dental dams for vaginal oral sex.
As a bonus you’re more protected from STIs with a new or non-monogamous partner.
Also? Wet wipes. Get some nice unscented wet wipes. Adults know that sex is messy and being able to quickly grab a wet wipe, clean off, and keep going shouldn’t be too weird.
Also? Dedicated sex blanket to protect your sheets. Look up the Fascinator Throw.
Here’s some options that might be helpful to you. Have a towel on standby for afterwards,(They do make sex towels and blankets if you don’t wanna use something you already have. Sex isn’t always planned tho so either you gotta strategically place them around, use what’s near by, or waddle after and hope you don’t make a mess)
You can get bathroom wipes that people use instead of tp.. there’s a million brands.. dude wipes.. there’s also wipes that are “feminine” all of them work the same and are safe on fingers and bits. So if you wanted to wipe and dry both of those would be more chill and not take away from the moment.
If you really wanted the extra comfort get a small pocketsized hand sanitizer, but you need to allow it to dry down before you touch a partner again.
Sensory issues are real, you’re not alone, it’s not super uncommon, and there’s tons of ways to adapt your sex life to make it enjoyable.
If you find these don’t work for you, I recommend you do some googling. The biggest take away I’d like to share is to open and clear with your partner about your sensory issues, that it’s a compulsive tic and it has absolutely nothing to do with how you feel about them, you think they are amazing and sexy and great but it’s a body processing thing that you’re struggling with. (Say this in general)
But if you’re going to run and wash your hands you need to explain in great detail ahead of time, bc the immediate reaction will be to perceive it as they are dirty or gross or smell bad or did something wrong. Which is absolutely not the case, their body is natural and beautiful and you loved being able to bring them pleasure, you just have a sensory issue and need to wash your hand quick. (So explain positives and how you feel about them, explain sensory issue, and explain that afterwards you will be going to the restroom, but you’ll be back for cuddles or whatever)
Worst case it’s still not working, you can ask your partner if they don’t have an allergy if you can try wearing a glove you can just dispose of later, this is a more extreme solution bc it could most definitely take away from the mood, but alot of people are willing to try new things with their partner and if it doesn’t work out for either one of you, you try something new, compromise, or adapt. The biggest key to sex is being open, honest, and communicate.
If you’re with someone who cares, they might end up creating a clean up routine with you.. good sex has after care so clean up, cuddling, talking, just existing whatever but I’m sure you’ll find what works best for you. (P.s just bc people wipe it on a blanket/towel/clothes nearby doesn’t mean they keep a crunchy blanket, after you’re done and done with after care you throw it in the wash.)