This post is inspired by a recent post I saw here.
I am newly single and just got back on the apps.
I matched one guy who I physically like. I also made the mistake of adding on my Instagram before meeting them in person. Since then our conversations have died down.
He interacts with my posts but won’t set a date.
For example, I sent him a message last night and he hasn’t opened it but I posted a story of me on a mountain and he liked it despite not having opened my message.
I usually do this to people too, especially when I’m too busy but now I kind of want to make it clear that it’s either we go out or we unfollow each other.
So how can I ask him out without sounding too aggressive at the same time making it clear that it’s either we meet or unfollow each other.
PS: he just recently moved here, I’m sure he wants to play the field which is okay but i don’t want to be kept in his back pocket
11 comments
“Hey, let me know if you want to plan a date for us to go out.”
Ignore anything that remotely smells like “we should” and only accept a real plan. If that plan doesn’t come in a week, unfriend him.
Why not something simple and unambiguous like “Hey! I think you’re [positive quality here]. Want to go on a date?”
Not opening your message is not a great sign. This requires minimal effort. He may not be interested. I would ask him directly to do something with you. Like, “Would you like to go to X? It’s a new restaurant that I have been wanting to try and I can show you a bit around the city.” If he is interested, he will jump at the opportunity to get to know you and visit his new city. If not; you will have your answer. Good luck!!
Just ask him if he would like to go on a date and give a specific date and time of the day. If he doesn’t say yes then unfollow and move on. You don’t need to tell him to unfollow you or explain anything, you guys don’t even know each other.
How do you imagine yourself being “too aggressive” by asking him on a date?
Be totally unambiguous and explicit. Just ask him directly. Assertive and such. That’s what would work on me, anyway.
I ask a guy if he’d like to get coffee and give two possible dates.
Usually once I know I’m interested and want to meet up I’ll just ask something like ‘what are you doing on <insert day I’m free> <morning / afternoon / evening>’
Usually I’ll get a yes or they’ll offer different time
As a guy, most of us are lucky if we get one compliment from a random woman a year. Tell him you like “x” about him and then ask if he wants to go out, if he likes you he’ll likely find it so flattering he’ll agree. Make it short and clear, we don’t always do subtlety that well.
If it were me:
“Hey, I’m free on x night for a drink. You wanna pick the place?”
Depending on the response, you’ll either get a date out of it, or confirmation that he’s just twiddling his thumbs. Then you block and move on. I have no patience for men who want to use me as a validation vending machine rather than actually dating.
I’ll tell you the same thing I tell the young boys:
Invite him to go somewhere – do something specific at a specific time and place. Coffe at 2 tomorrow?